Chapter 5: The New Year's Eve Shopping Cart Fiasco

7:42 PM — New Year's Eve

Hal knew something wasn't right.

It was too quiet.

He was sitting at home with his family, enjoying what appeared to be a completely normal New Year's Eve.

No calls.

No Kyle.

No Methanny.

No stolen merchandise.

No animals.

No explosions.

Hal looked at the clock.

7:42 PM.

He took a sip of his drink.

"This is weird."

His wife looked at him.

"What is?"

"Nothing."

The phone rang.

Hal stared at it.

His wife stared at him.

Hal slowly reached for the phone.

"Hal."

It was Clara.

"Happy New Year's Eve."

Hal immediately knew it wasn't.

"What's happened?"

"The grocery store says four shopping carts have been stolen."

Hal sighed.

"Don't worry."

He grabbed his jacket.

"I have a pretty good idea where they are."

8:03 PM

Hal pulled up to the 1972 double-wide.

He wasn't surprised.

Not even slightly.

Four shopping carts were sitting in the driveway.

Each one had a giant price sticker slapped onto the side.

$3995

ONE OWNER

LOW MILES

CLEAN TITLE

AS-IS

Hal got out of the cruiser.

He stared at the carts.

Then he stared at the double-wide.

Then he stared at the sky.

"Why?"

Kyle came walking around the side of the trailer.

"Officer Hal!"

Hal pointed at the carts.

"Where did you get those?"

Kyle looked at them.

"Oh, those?"

"Yes. Those."

"I found them."

Hal closed his eyes.

"Where?"

"They were sitting in parking spots."

"Shopping carts?"

"Yeah."

"And?"

"I waited."

Hal looked confused.

"For what?"

"For whoever owned them to come back."

Hal stared at Kyle.

"You waited?"

"Yeah."

"How long?"

"Like twenty minutes."

"And nobody came?"

"Nope."

Kyle smiled.

"So I figured nobody wanted them."

Hal stared into the middle distance.

He had nothing left.

"Kyle."

"Yeah?"

"Shopping carts don't belong to whoever finds them."

Kyle frowned.

"But they were just sitting there."

"They belong to the grocery store."

"Oh."

Hal sighed.

"I'm going to have to take you in."

Kyle nodded.

"Again?"

"Yes."

A strange noise came from the roof.

Hal looked up.

Methanny was standing on top of the double-wide.

She was wearing what appeared to be a bedsheet.

Or possibly a shower curtain.

It was impossible to tell.

She had two pieces of blue tarp attached to her arms.

She spread them dramatically.

"I'M BATWOMAN!"

Hal stared.

Kyle looked up.

"She's been up there for like twenty minutes."

Hal looked back at him.

"Why?"

Kyle shrugged.

"She's Batwoman."

Methanny jumped.

She immediately fell approximately eight feet.

She landed flat on her face.

There was a long silence.

Hal looked at Kyle.

Kyle looked at Methanny.

Methanny lifted her head.

"I meant to do that."

Hal sighed.

"Of course you did."

He walked over.

"Methanny."

She looked up.

"Yeah?"

"Are you injured?"

"No."

"Good."

Hal stood up.

"Get in the cruiser."

Methanny slowly stood.

"Am I under arrest?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

Hal pointed toward the shopping carts.

"Those."

Methanny looked at the carts.

"Oh."

Then she looked at the roof.

"Can I get my wings?"

"No."

8:31 PM

Kyle and Methanny were sitting in the back of Hal's cruiser.

The four shopping carts had been recovered.

The blue tarp had been confiscated.

Hal sat behind the wheel.

He looked at the clock.

8:31 PM.

New Year's Eve.

He had been a police officer for seventeen years.

He thought about the choices that had led him here.

He thought about his wife.

His children.

His pension.

His career.

He thought about Kyle.

He thought about Methanny.

He thought about the coyote.

The raccoon.

The mountain lion.

The exploded single-wide.

The stolen manger.

The shampoo.

The pallets.

And now four shopping carts with $3,995 price stickers.

Hal stared through the windshield.

"Why did I become a cop?"

From the back seat, Kyle answered:

"Probably because you wanted to help people."

Hal looked in the rearview mirror.

Kyle smiled.

"That's what my probation officer said."

Hal closed his eyes.

"Happy fucking New Year"