Chapter 4: Kyle's New Doublewide
Two Weeks Later
Hal had almost forgotten about Kyle and Methanny.
Not completely.
But enough to sleep at night.
Then Clara called.
"Hal."
He knew that tone.
"What?"
"There's been a report of a mountain lion at the old single-wide property."
Hal sat up.
"The what?"
"A mountain lion."
Hal stared at his desk.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
"Where is Kyle?"
There was a pause.
"At the property."
Hal sighed.
"Of course he is."
When Hal arrived, the 1959 single-wide was gone.
In its place stood a massive 1972 double-wide.
Kyle was standing proudly in the driveway.
"Officer Hal!"
Hal looked at the trailer.
Then at Kyle.
"Where did you get this?"
Kyle smiled.
"Insurance."
Hal stared at him.
"You had insurance?"
Kyle shrugged.
"Apparently."
"And they paid you?"
"Yeah."
"How much?"
Kyle looked at Methanny.
Methanny looked at Kyle.
Kyle smiled.
"Enough."
Hal decided he didn't want to know.
He looked at the double-wide.
"Is this thing safe?"
Kyle nodded enthusiastically.
"Top of the line."
Hal looked at the rust.
One of the windows was covered with cardboard.
A garden hose ran through the kitchen window.
"It's from 1972."
"Exactly."
A loud growl came from behind the trailer.
Hal froze.
Kyle smiled.
"Oh, that's Trotter."
Hal slowly turned.
"What the hell is Trotter?"
A mountain lion emerged from behind the double-wide.
It walked calmly across the yard.
Hal reached for his radio.
"Kyle."
"Yeah?"
"Why is there a mountain lion in your yard?"
"He lives here."
Hal stared at him.
"No."
Kyle nodded.
"Yeah."
"He's a wild animal."
"He's very sweet."
The mountain lion walked over to Kyle and rubbed against his leg.
Hal stared in disbelief.
"What did you name it?"
"Trotter."
"Why?"
Kyle shrugged.
"He trots."
Hal looked at the mountain lion.
Then at Kyle.
"Does Trotter have a litter box?"
Kyle nodded.
"Yeah."
Hal closed his eyes.
"Of course he does."
Hal stepped inside the double-wide.
He immediately noticed something familiar.
A stack of shampoo bottles sat beside the kitchen sink.
He counted them.
One.
Two.
Three.
Eventually:
Twenty-three.
Hal turned around.
"Kyle."
Kyle appeared in the doorway.
"Yes?"
"Where did you get these?"
Kyle looked at the shampoo.
"Dumpster."
Hal stared at him.
"Whose dumpster?"
"The Dollar Store."
Hal looked at the bottles.
Then at Kyle.
"Are these the same kind of shampoo you stole before?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"These are newer."
Hal slowly nodded.
"Okay."
Kyle smiled.
"I learned my lesson."
"You learned nothing."
"I learned to check the dumpster first."
Hal looked toward the ceiling.
"Jesus Christ on a cracker."
A few minutes later, animal control arrived.
The officer stepped out of the truck.
"Where's the mountain lion?"
Hal pointed.
"Trotter."
The animal control officer stared.
"Trotter?"
Kyle nodded proudly.
"That's his name."
The officer looked at Hal.
Hal shrugged.
"I've stopped asking."
11:26 AM
Kyle and Methanny were once again sitting in the back of Hal's cruiser.
The mountain lion was safely being dealt with by animal control.
The twenty-three bottles of shampoo were bagged as evidence.
Hal got into the driver's seat.
Kyle leaned forward.
"Officer Hal?"
"What?"
"Do you think they'll let us keep the double-wide?"
Hal looked at him in the rearview mirror.
"You blew up the last one."
"Yeah."
"And now you have a mountain lion living in this one."
"He's family."
Hal sighed.
"Welcome back to the Honeymoon Suite."
Methanny smiled.
"Missed it."
Hal started the engine.
"I didn't."