Round and Round
Round and round we go
through senseless circles
of conversation.
I talk but you won’t listen.
I give and you keep taking.
Whether I go this way or that,
my heart feels the heft of
your disappointment.
We both know
that no matter what I do,
I’ll never be good enough for you.
________________________
Then the King walks in
and I remember what it’s like
To be wanted
John 3:16
Hebrews 13:5
Broken Pieces
There are parts
of who I used to be
that I didn’t want to kill.
Like the thrill
and the rush
I always got
from being right.
Like how tight
I always held
the reigns of
anything I could,
Like how I should
have said no
the first time,
And the second time–
and the third
and every time after…
Now I look to the Savior on the cross
And I think maybe,
just maybe,
my flesh should die too.
After all,
If they could beat and kill a perfect man,
then I didn’t stand
a chance.
Psalm 62:1
The agony I feel as I writhe in soundlessness
is a comfort to He who created the world.
Salvation is the free gift of God
and I must continually receive it.
Sitting in the Car
There’s this medium space
as I try to place
myself in the right spot
Staying is too much,
but leaving isn’t enough.
How can I choose neither?
I can no longer take
the way things have been.
I have to go.
But what if it gets worse?
What if the way I choose
becomes a lose-lose,
and I have to start all over?
I’ll never know the right choice
until I learn to gauge the voice
of the Father
and turn away
from the noise
of he who isn’t.
John 10:10, 14, 27
How are you?
I’m good but I’m not–
I feel I have to fight
for a spot
in your world.
If I say I’m just okay
you’ll play
the game of pretending to care
as you continue walking away.
You look around
and my eyes find the ground.
And I keep the facade
because, once the smile fades,
I’m not sure how many more
of these charades
I can play with you.
“I’m good, how are you?”
I’m really not,
but the question starts to rot
as it hangs in the air
before I can articulate the truth.
So, I just say that I’m good
and you usually believe me
Is there more to life than loveless conversation?
Psalm 51:6
Relief
Sometimes I think
of where I came from.
My testimony to come felt hopeless
when it was only the “test”
of my reality.
The memories
that still haunt.
My little dreams
That didn’t happen.
Comfort was not welcomed in my home.
But then I remember
that Jesus was
an uncomfortable man.
The Son of Man, in His royalty,
found Himself nailed to a tree
for the sins that little old me
would live to commit.
He paid the debt of the life
I could never live.
And His Father
waited up
For Him to come
home.
God missed His beloved Son
Being beside Him on the throne.
I don’t know what it was like
when Jesus returned
to His rightful place
But I would imagine it must have felt like the biggest hug
Of relief