"16. Habit of Hate--Sweet Comfort Band"
Ooh... She could already tell from the title that this one was going to be spicy. She put it on pause. Would she even be able to handle it? But then again, she had always thought it a mark of cowardice for white people to avoid uncomfortable discussions, so she felt compelled by her own principles to grit her teeth and keep listening. For that matter, she was also eavesdropping in a sense, so what did she expect? For all she knew, many of the thoughts recorded here could have been ones he took to the grave without telling a soul, like those tears in the pages of his little book. She took a deep breath and resumed playing the song.
Well, those feelings have been shaken / You've been stepped on, you've been taken / Now you're clenching your fist / And your crazed, evil passion begins / Now you're waiting for your victim / Careful planning, gettin' even / And you strangle your love / When you strengthen your habit of hate
Trapped in your habit of hate / Trapped in your habit of hate
Now your raging, vicious dealings / And your spiteful, wicked scheming / They're the lines on your face / The tracks only malice can bring / No, you can't live with this feelin' / As you can't stop gettin' even / You can settle the score / But you can't break that habit of hate
...
Hatred will tear out your heart / It will drain you of your lifeblood / Like a poison in your veins / No one can take it away / If you won't pray for an answer / There's a price you will pay
...
Stranded in the darkness / Hate is blinding your eyes / You won't ever find love / 'Til you break these evil ties...
Oww...! Was this what it felt like to be on the business end of a race lecture? If so, it made the phrase "white fragility" sound like a cheap excuse to be cruel. This song had been totally race-neutral in its wording, but she had felt indicted by it nonetheless. How much worse would it have been to have the lyrics zero in on her demographic? How would she have felt if someone had dismissed her pain with a smirk and the phrase "black fragility"?
Then she remembered the vision with the ugly little demon and how Lazarus had recognized it as one he used to have years ago. She played the song again, this time with a new ear, and realized that he could have chosen it just as much from a place of personal experience and warning as out of a desire to accuse. That little critter had done him great harm while he sheltered it, so it was only natural that he would go scorched earth in order to prevent or treat an infestation in his family.