October 12, 2010
San Francisco
The afternoon sun stretched across the hillside of Dolores Park.
Steve walked slowly up the familiar path toward the bench.
The park was busy that day. Groups of friends sat on blankets scattered across the grass while children ran back and forth near the playground.
Steve sat down.
For a moment he simply watched the activity around him.
A little boy ran past chasing a bright red ball.
Steve smiled faintly.
"Well," he said quietly.
"I guess life keeps moving."
He rested his hands on his knees.
"I have some news."
A breeze moved through the trees above him.
"Kevin and I got married a few months ago."
He nodded slightly to himself.
"You would probably like him."
Steve let out a small breath of laughter.
"He's patient."
"Very patient."
He looked out across the skyline for a moment.
"Actually... we've been talking about something lately."
He hesitated.
"We're thinking about trying to have a child."
The words seemed to surprise him a little even as he said them.
"Surrogacy."
Steve rubbed his hands together slowly.
"It's exciting."
"But honestly... it scares me."
He glanced toward the playground where a group of children were laughing loudly.
"I keep thinking about whether I'd be a good father."
His voice softened.
"I don't want to mess it up."
He leaned forward slightly.
"I want to be there for my kid."
"For everything."
Steve paused.
"I guess I'm just afraid of failing at something that important."
The wind rustled through the trees again.
After a moment he smiled faintly.
"Kevin says I'll be fine."
"He says the fact that I'm worried about it already means I'll probably care enough to do it right."
Steve looked down at the bench.
"I hope he's right."
He sat quietly for a moment longer.
Then he stood up.
"I just thought you should know," he said softly.
He turned and walked down the path.
At the edge of the park, Kevin waited near the gate.
When he saw Steve approaching, he smiled.
Steve smiled back.
For the first time in a long while, the future didn't feel quite so frightening.