The next morning, I made the mistake of mentioning Mercury retrograde.
I had been reading something online. I don't remember what. I may have been looking for a recipe. I may have been trying to establish whether the spiritual emergency could be billed as a business expense.
Whatever the reason, I casually observed that Mercury was retrograde in Scorpio.
Akira froze.
His silver rings clicked against the countertop as he put down his teacup.
“Scorpio?”
“Yes.”
“Mercury?”
“Yes.”
He stared at me as if I had just announced that the horsemen of the apocalypse had arrived and were demanding separate checks.
“Triple the supplies.”
“What supplies?”
“All of them.”
“Akira, I haven't even bought the first round.”
“Then purchase the revised quantities.”
I opened the notebook.
“Right. So the original list was—”
“Triple it.”
“I'm trying to calculate the—”
“Daniel, the energetic conditions have changed.”
I looked at the list.
Ninety-six bunches of sage.
Forty-five aquamarine crystals.
Three dove feathers.
Three droplets of unfiltered seawater.
Twenty-four litres of drinking water.
Three living lavender plants.
Three shamanic rugs.
A lighter.
And a horse.
Now, I would like to point out that I was not opposed to spirituality. I was opposed to being informed that I needed to procure a small agricultural estate's worth of sage because a planet was apparently misbehaving.
“Why do we need three times as much water?”
“Because the restoration must be proportionate to the disturbance.”
“Why do we need three times as many feathers? Are the doves also spiritually depleted?”
Akira regarded me gravely.
“Please don't bring the birds into this.”
I closed the notebook.
“Fine.”
“Thank you.”
“I'm going to need a spreadsheet.”
He sighed.
“Your reliance on material systems is part of the problem.”
“My reliance on material systems is the only reason we have groceries.”
He returned to his tea.
I opened my laptop.
The spreadsheet was titled Spiritual Restoration Procurement — Revised Mercury/Scorpio Contingency.
I gave it columns for item, quantity, source, cost, delivery estimate, and miscellaneous concerns.
Under miscellaneous concerns, I wrote: Why is there a horse?