Dreama’s Diary–August 7
This is not how it is supposed to be. I was watching a talk show and saw how petty people were acting. I saw deception and spitefulness. I had to turn the channel. I don’t want to believe that people can be like that. I don’t want to accept that I can be like that.
At that moment, I looked at myself and tried to be honest. Does that count for something? I don’t understand why I’m trying to destroy myself.
Then the news channel came on and images of violence made me want to give up. For several seconds, I wanted to depart from this world. The thought of staying here in this cruel place overwhelmed me.
But there are loving people out there. I know one or two. I need them to be the sun against this darkness.
I had to turn off the TV. I went into my kitchen, which is large for a trailer and made some instant coffee. Ana would be waking up soon, so I needed to have my energy ready for motherhood’s demands.
I wish Henry were home. He is out with friends. Times like this make me needy for human companionship. The coming night seems overwhelming and I might get lost in it. I might not find my way out.