Dreama’s Diary–August 4
I’ve been trying to keep busy. I didn’t see Stefan today. I’m telling myself that it is a good thing.
After work, I took Ana to the park at Mount Trashmore, a former city dump made into a lakeside recreational area. You can’t swim or fish there, for good reason. Most people go to climb the large hill in this completely flat city. Some fly kites or picnic while others play Frisbee or skateboard on the nearby ramps. It is hard to believe a once stinking eyesore can be recycled and given back to nature. Lush green grass and a few young trees celebrate a new beginning. It is only when you feed the ducks and see the large playful fish eyeing you before stealing the bread that you wonder–is it safe? But the laughter of the kids running with their dogs makes it easier to give the place a chance. Sometimes you have to trust something.
Ana liked the fresh air and riding around in the stroller. The way she giggled lit up my soul. She is my joy, the reason I must keep myself from falling further apart.
Then I took her to see the ducks. They quacked noisily around us and got annoyed when we didn’t offer food. Ana flapped her arms in excitement. I want so much to be a good mother. I’m trying.
“This is our time,” I told her. “We will have a lot of these.”
She gazed at me with trust. Her eyes told me not to ruin our safe haven, our oasis against the unknown. I nodded and kissed her nose. I have a responsibility. I must take care of my world and not let Stefan in. He’s cracking up my life as if it were an egg, and I fear it will eventually tinge with blood–mine!