Dreama’s Journal–September 17
Milo likes to talk dirty to me. Normally, it would turn me off, but it is different with him. I would be so turned on by Stefan that I was sexually frustrated. Then Milo would be warming honey in the microwave next to me and ask if he can pour it on me. He gives me the sexual validation Stefan never does. He makes me feel that I am a thing to be desired, that I’m attractive.
Other times, he will have a sink full of bubbles and ask if I want to climb in and play. I just shake my head and laugh. He is only joking, so I never feel harassed or intimidated. It is mostly innocent. Sometimes for a moment, I want to be in his arms, to have him touch my neglected thighs with the agile fingers of a cook.
Once when we were moving around in the tight quarters of the walk-in, I accidentally leaned against him and he was unable to resist. He pulled me closer, touched my body as if familiar with every curve. The cool air whirled around us, causing us to shiver. I wanted him to take me swiftly and without thought or care. It would have been just the act of sex–quick and to the point. It would have been pleasure merely for itself with no baggage, no history and no future.
Unlike most people, I couldn’t do it. My spirit needs stimulation. Only love can do that. It craves another awakened spirit that can move in its depth and appreciate complexity beneath its gentleness; maybe even contemplate the sacred.