Dreama’s Journal–November 6
Stefan sat erect like a kingly ruler, wise and proud. He rules over the kingdom of my heart. His attention can send me soaring. His lack of it can crumble my self esteem. In his hands, I place myself like a weed in the field of his judgment. Can this awkward weed sway him towards me?
Around him, I try to be the epitome of gentleness and hospitality, eager to comfort–and actually mean it. But I’m not just a waitress. Actually, I suck at being a waitress. Most people never get a refill or a napkin.
He seems to be taking more time to groom himself, not that he needs to. He has always looked impeccable. It is just that lately his hair seems extra neat with each wave in place. His clothes appear pressed and he smells so good. These details are all I have to mentally touch. Is an affair on his mind? And if so, with who? He did make a comment that lately he is sleeping on the couch at home.
What does he think of me? Most people think I’m younger than I am. I have an innocent facade. I carry my scars inward, except for a few on my hands and wrists. I barely remember them. I rely on my soul to be my hermit’s lamp to light my path with hope that it will lead me toward the straight and narrow. The trouble is that I trip over my own feet!