Dreama’s Diary–October 3
I figure it is now or never. It isn’t about right or wrong or consequences. It is time to face the end of the secret labyrinth that I have built within my mind. Entwining around my heart are the tentacles of an inner monster. Every obstacle had been self-created, so for once I want to see if that forbidden core offers some solace. What awaits in the darkness of the unknown and what evil am I inviting? It doesn’t matter. I need to peek through the dismal landscape. Like a mud pie, my soul is a puddle that thickens with mental dirt until it has become completely absorbed by heated emotions and baked into a cold non-existence. I have to break through. I’m too lost to do otherwise.
I folded the torn corner of the menu in half and slid it across the countertop towards him. He chuckled and fingered it without opening it. Then he looked at me quizzically as if not believing what he assumed it to be. Those blue eyes played with me.
“What is this?” he asked. His professionalism bugs me.
“My number,” I hesitantly said. “Just in case you want to know the daily special or something.”
He stared at it while two businessmen seated to the left of him exchanged amused glances. They were enjoying the situation with good humor, though not letting Stefan see that they were aware of the implications of our private chatter.
I couldn’t stand it any longer. I carried some dishes to the back room. It was empty, so I pressed my back against the wall for support. I was shaking. I took a deep breath and sighed. I agonized over whether I should have done that or not. I beseeched the Goddess of Love. I wanted a kiss.
Eventually, I composed myself as best as I could and returned to the counter. I tried to keep busy. I couldn’t think about the door that I opened between us or I would have crumbled.
Stefan didn’t come in the rest of that week nor did he call. I never drink, but that night I pulled out Henry’s whiskey and let it burn my throat. Deaden your song, Siren. Don’t lure him into your darkness. Wipe your tears, Sea Witch. Let the wind whirl around you to blot out your delusions. Sleep and forget. Be a myth.