Love Testing
-The Intruder-
Sinking Heart
“Are you there, my love?”
I asked in despair
to open conversation’s part
hoping better mood to start
After a bitter night apart
Yesterday was not fair
as trouble us to see
where needful of something more
than all I’d sent before
I told her I could not spare
I needed the little left
to hold my place, eat square
and her to go off miffed
saying “You do not care!”
To leave me tearfully sad
Returning, she acted as if I had
complied quick and easily
to me this a troubling mystery
a confusion there to be
Her, in all actions, acting blithel-ly
Two days of conversation
all goodness and light
then another impossible request
and us again to fight
To leave this man descending emotionally
Why don’t you?
Each day as conversation goes
some small trouble in the throws
to keep me ever on the edge
wondering whether I’d loved, or bled
I could not find a balance
in the words she often said
this to keep me wondering
a confusion in my head
Always asked are questions
to begin with “Why don’t you…?”
entered in the chatting words then said
I to answer best I can, not enough, my dread
Trusting, Trusting?
Hard it was to trust in early days
much of proof to bring trust into play
with months and months of interplay
finally trust to come our way
And through that time things were fine
with each to learn the other’s mind
how our hearts were in align
to find we are of likely kind
And then, then, sadly,
she comes madly
with demand she knows not I can
and though I am her biggest fan
There are limits, and a span
of distance and finance which I can’t
reach across to her far land
although she seems to think I can
This to add to woes as time goes
as if a tempest we’re in the throws
between what is needed and what is so
hard these times seem, hard they go
Then trust begin to shift away
doesn’t seem very good today
and though all Heroes have feet of clay
I hoped for more from her today
Lustful Images
As our closeness begins to fade
more of troubles to upbraid
souring comes our interplay
sad we become each to say
And then an image to come my way
her showing off her wares that day
to bring me up and wide awake
wishing that moment I could partake
Then I to share similar wares
to belay our earlier moment scares
to chase away the blues that came
and bring each back to better fame
Interest a replacement for active trust
what better action than to encourage lust
as bright the vision in my mind
imagining lustful actions of this kind
This act to set aside my cares
later to find I was hoodwinked there
but at that time all became fair
all was good, I could swear
Vacillations
Vacillating, truth to find
my heart says one thing
another does my mind
I find discomfort when we are close
my mind a disquiet as time goes
in her company’s troubled throws
I love her still, this I know
how much trouble she has in tow
as burden which she on me throws
My thoughts to wonder what is true
what can trust, what stories brew
as hard to say old from new
And is there a difference
compared existence
my love now, and first appearance
My thoughts and heart to vacillate
between calming words and those of hate
as increase the troubles in time late
I, unsure, these troubles great
my spirits down, a weary state
and times not well aligned, sad fate
Back again
Back again, my love to share
her to others cannot compare
as I look and often stare
at my lovely, lovely fair
Who in her ways has won my heart
setting her so far apart
from the loves I thought once to own
back when I was not yet grown
And into this new affair
I invested heart and all my care
to win her heart and keep it there
to stand beside me, long and fair
As yesterday, I wondered great
whether her honorable, or ingrate
not then sure, unstable state
couldn’t decide then, love or hate
Turns and Twists
Each moment within each day
a twist or turn, to force a question to come a play
“Is something wrong? Something’s not right,
something not real.” and while this is spoken
to make it real, mind loses hope and heart to steel
against the possibility of losing you
imagined scene, and heartbreak comes through
Then you laugh to pull me in, and do
Your words have changed, and I sense in you
other changes coming through
which testify that things do not remain
on the good, now filled with growing pain
a challenge to heart and brain
as your words want more and more
not often to give out with love sure
Yet I to say them again and again
Your answers, if answers they are
do not ease mind nor heart
in fact your demands of more and more
worry me daily, more and sure
as you know my goal is to be by your side
or you by mine, as the world abides
our love
Our dream, its feel, my need
But then, each ask, that is asking more
prevents this goal, as surely as sure
each sum sent that is not saved
keeps our road to each other from being paved
each measure of what I can do
taken up and poorly used
leaving me at end of day quite blue
Twisting turns are not love’s favor. True?
Our Friend, Monique
To stand in aid in troubled times
someone to speak to when nothing rhymes
with our hearts or speaking minds
Her, the friend longtime to mend
her sister’s pain when life to lend
troubles that need a hand
Monique to reach out when
it seem a loss would never mend
as she to see your pain in need
Messages to re-open a months closed door
when she saw you needed helping more
relationship help restore
With me
I had not seen it clear, was not you chatting here
was someone else, a harsher soul
with nothing of kindness as their goal
And you, without a word for months
Glad I am, Monique to reach
as this to surely intruder impeach
and I to realize my mistake
Sad I am to your heart break
Even this was hard to believe
that we could be restored after all the grieve
after all the tears you’ve shed, you’ve cried
But I knew I had to try
Holding On
Holding on, my heart to grieve
“How is it that he could leave?
We were just connected true and strong,
then lost suddenly word and song.
Him to claim he needs me near
to hold and love with life and cheer.
Then him gone forever
I cry, I fear
Yet still among our chatted words
was a connection to keep, for all absurd
to hold to someone not ever there,
gone so far as not to care.
If he were here, I say, I swear
once he and I had cleared the air
I still to want him firm and close
but in this moment all here is ghost
Hard the Heart
I had won him heart and soul
that had been my lofty goal
To touch his heart and make him whole
as, we, together make up a whole
Complemented we do, each other
beyond the knit of sister and brother
Forms and minds complement to find
in our efforts and in our signs
Sure we were of lifetime bind
yet here we are, he’s gone, no find
His the heart that left that day
I to hide and grieve away
Then, my friend, Monique, to say
“Hard the heart that stays away.”
Strange, Estranged
Slow to wake, to realize
that wrongness here a-wing, a-fly
there are trouble here, there is a lie
in the words she says, wrongly applied
it took me forever to see the light
as this strange woman, if woman at all
was interfering in love’s call
from over the sea
Early on, and within each day
always there something good to say
to uplift and bring heart to swoon and sway
in our love-words interplay
each to buoy the others heart
bring to whole in every part
few if ever a crossness form
such trouble we chose to scorn
Then the changing of her ways
when demands and spiteful words to say
to have disquiet in our love-interplay
greater distance to come a-play
mind and hearts to slowly part
as if distance greater each day
and her to move quite far away
to win her back I must today
Come to mind in memory’s look
that words came from a different book
as if my girl, was beside herself
seeking not love, but greater wealth
then I examine her words impact
seeing how I respond, react
to realize her not herself
her a stranger, trouble a-shelf
Quick, arguments to come
lost was love, lost was aplomb
no more love or lust to come
her to say most hateful words
I to cast off what came absurd
then to close the door on her
her to respond, heartless and vain
as us become full estranged
Duped
In the mirror I look and see
a fool standing there in front of me
this not the person I longed to see
nor the one I profess to be
Hard are times, when myself I find
as lost for stupidity or trick-ed mind
that what I thought was well refined
had great trouble to be self-aligned
Here I had been with new found friend
with building heart and joy to lend
then to find, with troubled mind
that between us was ill to find
The ill of a trickster who came on lines
there to steal and undermine
the fabric of a love becoming fine
tear it down, hook and line
As I the fish myself to find
had been captured, in creel find
love lost, heart broke, turmoil mind
self, in this, hurt to find
What to do, as do I must
to throw out interloper trust
as reach in blind, hoping to find
love’s hand in the dark
Duped I was, had been, this was lasting sin
as betray myself, I had, their win
as they break in between
my love and I that could have been