Alan Cade was new to Rockmore Senior High. He transferred in when his mom got a job in the area. Alan didn’t like new schools, but he still knew how to make friends. He did it through jokes and pranks, and it had proven to be very effective for him over the years. First, you make some jokes at an annoying teacher’s expense and find other disgruntled peers. Then he’d lie to them a bit to make them think he shared their hobbies.
Despite all his scheming, Alan was a surprisingly loyal guy. He’d always cover for a friend and was the first to give out high fives when deserved. Of course, he expected the same in return—but results were mixed. The one time he got no sympathy or high fives was when he told some guys what he had planned for a senior prank.
“Suicide, dude,” his closest friend said. “Leave that alone.”
“I will not hurt her. I’m just going to treat her right by taking her to prom. She’ll make herself look like an idiot once I get her there. Then I’ll dump her the next day.”
“Suicide. Everyone knows not to mess with the princess.”
“Lighten up. She won’t even know she’s being pranked—and you know it.” Alan insisted. But the more he talked, the more they shunned him—at least until a guy named Clyde approached.
Clyde was big for a seventeen-year-old. Heck, Clyde was big for an adult. He was at least six feet tall and probably over 250 pounds. He gave Alan a nod and approached.
“Hey Clyde, where is Bonnie?” Alan asked.
Clyde didn’t laugh—he rarely did. Alan had him in science class, but they’d never spoken, probably because Clyde never laughed at Alan’s jokes. The sudden meeting perplexed Alan, but he figured maybe the big guy needed help with his science project.
“Rumor has it, you were thinking about taking Princess to prom?”
“Weird way to say hello, big guy. Yeah, but what’s it to you? Did you want to ask her?” Alan laughed at his own wit and the fact that Clyde was too slow to realize he’d just been insulted.
A giant hand curved around Alan’s neck. It guided him down the hall to the bathroom. Alan looked around for help, but no one in the hall looked back. The bathroom door closed, and Clyde let him go.
“Crap, man, I’m sorry. It was just a joke. I know you’d never go out with that thing.”
“LISTEN!” Clyde jammed his finger into Alan’s chest so hard that it sent the jokester to the ground, gasping for air. Clyde didn’t seem to care. “You will refer to Princess as Princess and nothing else. Do you understand? I can’t stop you from asking her out. But if you are her prince and she accepts, know this: if you hurt her or break her heart, I will rip your head off, reach down your throat, and rip yours out—just so she has a spare one that is not broken. Now look me in the face and say you understand.”
Alan Cade understood. Not only did he avoid asking the Princess out, he completely avoided both her and Clyde for the rest of the year.
When he showed his friend the finger-sized bruise on his chest that still lingered three months later, his friend responded, “Told ya, dude. At least you got off luckier than the last guy.”