The marine lab sits at the far end of the community college campus, tucked behind a row of weather-beaten greenhouses and a chain-link fence that rattles whenever the wind shifts. It smells fishy with a heavy dose of salt, and sunlight. A scent that makes my pulse stutter, as if the ocean itself has exhaled an intoxicating scent. I hesitate and take several deep inhales and every nerve in my body relax. It’s my first day and I’m ten minutes late, because I’m perpetually lost. That makes for an excellent first impression.
The lab is cluttered with equipment and supplies, and kind of dingy. Not like the pristine practice labs at the university. A stunning woman, Kailani Holloway, leans over a desk staring down at something intently. Her skin is tanned like she’s spent most of her life outside. Her black hair is thick and curly and air dried from salt water. It’s obvious she’s already been in the ocean early this morning while normal people sleep. My salt dried hair never looks like I’ve stepped out of a magazine, and I’m insanely jealous of that.
She’s wearing a wetsuit half down, with the arms tied around her waist and a yellow bikini top that stands out against her tanned skin. I’m so absorbed watching her I run into something, and it clanks loudly to the floor with a sickening shatter. Her gaze snaps to me as she puts a hand over her heart.
“You scared me.” She takes a deep breath. “You must be Raven,” she says, her voice warm but assessing.
“I typically go by Rae. I’m sorry I’m late,” I start to say frantically, “I got turned around on campus.”
“Not a big deal. We’re on island time,” She assures me waving her hand in dismissal.
“But we’re not on an island.”
“You can call me Holly,” she says warmly. “Marine biology, third-year PhD. You’re with me for the summer.”
I nod, trying not to look like someone who has absolutely no idea what she’s doing.
“Do you have a swimsuit?”
“Yeah.”
“Bathroom’s through there if you need to change.” She gestures to a door on the side of the lab.
“Thanks,” I answer and head in that direction.
I’m wearing my swimsuit under my clothes, so I’m not sure why I’m going to the bathroom. I’ve always been very uncomfortable in my body, I guess, and feel incredibly awkward undressing in front of people. Even when I would still be fully covered. I peel off my board shorts, flannel shirt, and T-shirt, and stand awkwardly looking in the mirror. I'm wearing a very basic Speedo-branded one-piece, a remnant of my swim team days. It’s a stark contrast to the yellow string bikini top Holly is wearing. The black fabric washes out my already pale skin. It doesn't seem to matter how much time I spend in the sun I alternate between ghostly white and lobster red. There is no in between for me.
Back in the main lab, she scans my body up and down. I involuntarily cross my arms over my torso. She disappears into a back room and returns with a wetsuit folded over her arm and a BCD. She tosses me the wetsuit first, which I clumsily catch, and she flinches when more things from the table go toppling over. No shattering this time.
“Sorry,” I mutter, cheeks burning.
I pull the wetsuit on. She walks over and holds the buoyancy vest open like a jacket for me to step into. After adjusting the straps, she decides it’s a good fit.
“Awesome! The guys should already have the rest of the gear loaded, so we can grab you fins and goggles on the boat.” She says cheerfully.
“The guys?” I call out, following her out a back door.
“Yeah,” She answers over her shoulder. “A few of the PhDs dropped out, so their assistants were reassigned. I snagged an extra one. He just showed up on time,” She explains with a wink.
“I’m seriously so sorry!”
“Don’t worry, that was a joke! You gotta relax." She laughs softly, "Paul is also there, he’s our captain for the summer.”
The dock behind the lab is small, barely large enough for the research boat tied to it. One guy around my age is loading air tanks. He looks like he belongs in a surfing magazine.
He has blond hair cropped short, and a gruff beard outlining a square jawline. He’s bulky like a committed gym rat and tan enough I know he likely spends every day in the sun. He grins and waves when he catches my eye. I blush and wave back. As he approaches, I realize the top of my head barely reaches his chin. My gangly height not only contributes to my clumsiness, but it means I typically dwarf people. Men included. I’m so absorbed studying him that I trip over my own feet. Air tanks clang loudly on the dock falling like bowling pins and rolling in several directions.
He instinctively reaches out and grabs me roughly around the waist before I can topple into the water. I latch onto his arm for dear life. The momentum should send us both over the edge of the dock, but he’s so solid he doesn’t budge. He pulls me flush against his body in a vice-like grip. His cologne is the best thing I've ever smelled. It seriously smells like someone bottled the ocean itself. I have the ridiculous urge to bury my face in his shirt just to breathe him in when he speaks.
“You okay?” There’s amusement dancing in his eyes.
I remember why I’m standing flush against him and color stains my cheeks. My laugh sounds unhinged in my own ears. “Never better.”
He grins, “If I let go, are you going to fall again?”
“Probably.”
He laughs but releases me slowly to make sure I won't topple over.
“I’m Alex.” He holds his hand out.
“Rae,” when I reach out, he pulls my hand up to kiss the knuckles and… bows.
He climbs on the boat first and holds out his hand to help me step on. The boat rocks at the worst possible moment and he has to catch me again before I slip into the water. His chuckle is warm against my neck and my stomach somersaults.
Holly is the last to board and she walks over to hug the captain and kiss his cheek. His hand lingers on her lower back. That’s by choice though, because Holly is the most graceful and confident woman I’ve ever seen. Even in a tiny boat on a choppy day, she's steady on her feet.
As we pull away, she begins introductions, “This is our fearless captain, Puleleiite.”
“Pulaylayitit?” Alex tries to repeat back, absolutely butchering the name.
I cringe at how rude it is, but Holly and the captain both laugh.
“That’s my Samoan name,” He says still laughing in a deep voice. “You guys can call me Paul. Hols just likes to fuck with people.”
“Paul,” Alex says this time. “That I can pronounce.”
“This is Raven,” Holly says gesturing to me.
I smile and feel my cheeks turn a deep red at the attention. “You can call me Rae,” I correct.
“This is Alex,” she says.
The smirk tells me she caught our interaction but is choosing to ignore it. Probably for my own sake. I try again, and fail, to shake the thoughts of his hands on me. The boat whirs to life and I stumble over boxes in the small boat. Almost falling a third time before catching myself. I quickly find an empty seat on the bench and plop down ungracefully.
“Today we’re collecting some reef samples, so we can test for pollution. My final project is about the effects pollution from tourism has on the surrounding ocean environment,” Holly says.
She continues to talk the entire ride out, explaining what we’re supposed to do, and how to collect samples. Alex sprawls himself across the entirety of the bench on one side of the boat. On his back, one arm thrown over his eyes to shield the sun. I try to hide my disappointment because I wanted him to sit beside me. Holly is settled with Paul in the captain's chair.
The boat comes to a stop and Paul drops an anchor. Holly checks our tanks, and gear to ensure they’re on properly. Mine is perfect and earns a compliment, Alex’s needs adjustments. I have to hide my smugness at actually being the best at something for once. She moves with the efficiency of someone who has done this a thousand times. When she’s satisfied, she steps to the edge of the boat and drops into the water without hesitation.
I try to follow, but the weight of the air tank makes my already abysmal balance worse. Alex takes my outstretched arm to help me waddle to the end of the boat. He kneels down to help me put the fins on my feet, so I don’t have to risk reaching down.
His hand brushes across my thigh in the process and I’ve never hated a wetsuit more in my entire life. I put one hand over my regulator and the other over my goggles to step off the edge. The shock of cold hits first and it’s helps snap me back to reality. The weightlessness as we descend hits next, followed soon after by the relative silence. The only sound my own deep breaths through the regulator. And then the world opens up, exploding in vivid clarity.
Below the surface, everything feels sharper. Colors, movement, the slow pulse of the ocean itself. Like a heartbeat that matches my own. Schools of fish shimmer past in coordinated bursts of silver.
I feel the pull, just like anytime I’m in the ocean, but somehow stronger than ever before.
Home. Home. Home.
It's a steady beat. The feeling of home following with every gentle push and pull of the docile currents. It’s a physical voice in my head, with a feminine sing song lilt to it welcoming me home. There is no fear, or anxiety, or discomfort, or embarrassment or any of the other things I feel most days of my life.
Toward the end of the dive, something flashes in my peripheral vision. A massive tail, vibrant orange, disappearing behind a jagged rock formation. The color is a stark contrast to the mostly gray and silver around us.
I shake my head as if to release a hallucination then kick toward it. My heart is beating in my ears, but when I round the corner, there’s nothing. Just stirred silt dispersing through the water. Something large was just here. I frantically search in every direction trying to find it.
I’m about to chalk it up to a trick or disorientation when the sun shines at the perfect angle and I see something glinting on the ocean floor. A silver earring shaped like a mermaid. The gemstone in the middle burns orange. I reach for it and clutch it in my hand. I’ve seen it before. I sold it to the rainbow haired woman yesterday.
The rest of the day passes in a strange blur as I try to fathom how this specific earring ended up at our dive sight. And try to understand what creature I saw with a massive orange tail. There's no way in hell it was an actual mermaid. The last time I suggested as much I was nearly laughed out of town. There has to be a reasonable explanation for what I saw. I'm still in a trance like state, now at the Dutchman, when Ian walks over to the end of the bar to get my attention.
"You going to answer that? Or just let it keep ringing all night?" He seems irritated.
"Huh?"
"Your phone. Answer it or turn it off," he snaps before disappearing back down the bar.
"It's about time you answered!" Gracie scolds me. "What are you even doing that you would ignore me?"
“Oh nothing. Sorry, it was a long day. I can’t wait for you to get here though! When do you head to the airport?”
“Early tomorrow morning. So, spill! How was the first day.”
“So good! We went diving, and Holly is the best! She’s crazy smart, but also super laid back.”
“That’s great! What are you not telling me?” There's impatient accusation in her voice.
“What do you mean?” My voice comes out to shrill.
“Rae Rae, I know you.” Gracie chastises me.
“Fine. There’s a guy.”
“What?” Her scream is so loud I have to move the phone away from my ear until she calms down.
“He’s like, the most gorgeous man I’ve ever seen!”
“Why thank you for finally noticing.” Ian says wiggling his eyebrows at me.
“Do you mind? Go fill the ketchup or something.”
“Do I mind? That of all places for you to take a phone call with a banshee, you chose here?”
“What’s a banshee?” I ask.
At the same time Gracie calls over the phone, “Who’re you talking to?”
“That creature on the phone is a banshee.” Ian says flatly.
I roll my eyes and flip him off, he shakes his head but doesn’t move fast enough to hide his smirk.
“The douchey new bar tender your dad hired. I think Hank was pretty desperate for help.”
Ian pretends not to hear me.
“So, who is the guy?” Gracie demands. “I’m dying.”
“I tripped twice within the first five minutes, it was so humiliating, but he caught me both times. And was really sweet about it. I'm pretty sure he was flirting with me. And he has these dimples when he smiles.” I'm trying not to swoon out of my chair.
Ian is off to the side, preparing garnishes for this evening. He seems to be ignoring us entirely now.
“His name is Alex.”
Ian pauses mid slice and is studying me intently.
“He’s on the… seriously? What is your problem?” I demand.
He's crept closer to hear the full conversation.
“I’ll call you from the privacy of home later," I tell Gracie without taking my withering glare off Ian.
“I want all the tea! Love you!” Gracie hangs up before I can.
“What?” I snap at Ian after putting my phone down on the counter.
“Tell me about this Alex guy.” He’s leaning on the bar toward me, chin resting in his hands, trying to impersonate Gracie's voice.
“Fuck off.”
He shifts to lean against the counter behind him instead, arms crossed. “Seriously. After pool guy you clearly can’t be trusted.”
“He’s very sweet and kind and funny and hot. Emphasis on hot. And enthusiastic! He actually gets excited about things.”
Like the ocean, I think, but keep that part to myself.
“So, you’re dating a golden retriever?”
“He’s not… we’re not dating. We’re co-workers and I think he might be interested. Why am I even talking to you about this?" I gesture between us. "We're not friends.” I stand up and collect my purse. “I’m going home to analyze every detail with Gracie.”
“I somehow doubt she has more insight into the male species than I do.”
“I’ll take my chances.”