June 2, 2008
San Francisco
Dr. Fields's office was quiet except for the soft ticking of a clock on the wall.
Steve sat on the couch across from her, his hands clasped together.
For a moment neither of them spoke.
"So," she said gently, "how did it go?"
Steve knew what she meant.
"The bench," he said.
She nodded.
"Tell me about it."
Steve leaned back slightly.
"At first it was okay," he said. "I sat there for a few minutes and talked."
He paused.
"It felt strange saying things out loud."
Dr. Fields listened without interrupting.
"But that night..." Steve continued.
He looked down at his hands.
"I had a nightmare."
Her expression remained calm.
"Do you remember what happened in the dream?"
Steve hesitated.
"Pieces," he said.
"The station."
"The train coming toward the platform."
He swallowed.
"And then I woke up."
Dr. Fields nodded slowly.
"That's actually very common."
Steve looked up.
"When someone begins confronting a traumatic memory after avoiding it for a long time," she said, "the brain sometimes starts releasing fragments of the event."
"Fragments?" Steve asked.
"Images. Sounds. sensations."
She folded her hands together.
"Your mind protected you for years by keeping those memories sealed away."
Steve stared at the floor.
"And now?" he asked quietly.
"And now," she said gently, "you're starting to open that door."
Steve rubbed his hands together.
"It didn't feel like healing," he admitted.
"It felt like everything was coming back."
Dr. Fields gave a small understanding nod.
"That can happen."
She leaned forward slightly.
"The important thing to remember is that what you're experiencing is a normal trauma response."
Steve looked unconvinced.
"It doesn't feel normal."
"Trauma rarely does," she said softly.
They sat in silence for a moment.
"It's going to take time," she continued.
"But the fact that you went back to the park at all is a very important step."
Steve exhaled slowly.
"I almost turned around," he said.
"But you didn't."
He nodded faintly.
Dr. Fields gave him a reassuring smile.
"We'll keep working through this together."