“No,” I whisper. “No, we’re supposed to…”
I talk to them once again like they can actually hear me. I know it’s ridiculous, but I can’t help it. I want to be heard.
“We will find each other again,” Dad says firmly. “But first, we survive.”
Mom is nodding again, but this time she covers her mouth for a brief moment before saying, “We’re each taking different routes out of the city, so I understand how scary this will be for you. I don’t want to go alone either, but we must.”
She sounds like she’s about to cry, but she still holds it together. Dad rubs her shoulder, as he pauses for a moment.
“There’s a location,” he continues, “it’s remote and outside the grid’s strongest reach. That’s where we’ll meet.”
A set of coordinates appears briefly in the air between them, then vanishes.
“You’ll find a physical map in your room,” he says, looking off to the side as though he’s gesturing to the map. “We didn’t want anything traceable. The goal is to travel separately and meet up at the rendezvous point, which is indicated on the map. Stay off main transit lines. Avoid scanners whenever possible.”
My head is spinning. This is too much. Too fast. How am I going to remember all of this? I’m still trying to get over the shock of what I am.
“However, before you go there,” Mom says, “you need to find someone.”
A name appears in the air.
Elara.
“She will help you. She knows more about you… about what you are… then we can safely explain here. Trust her and only her.”
I stare at the name, unsure if I can really trust this stranger. I don’t know her, and even though my parents are telling me to trust her, how can I trust their words? They left me… alone.
My dad starts talking again, “We’ve left supplies for you. Rations, credits, a map, a few things you’ll need to stay off-grid…”
“I’ve already packed your bag with some clothes,” Mom cuts in, almost frantic. “If you get anything else, take only what you need and can carry. Move quickly.”
Dad’s gaze sharpens one last time. “Do not stay in this house for too long. They will come here for you next. They’ll track the scan back to you. It’s only a matter of time.”
Another chill runs down my spine. This is too much. How am I going to do this by myself?
My vision becomes blurry seconds before my tears fall down my cheeks. I want to cry out for my mom, but I can’t. It’s useless.
“You’re just… leaving me?” I’m doing it again, talking to a hologram as though it’s my parents.
Mom’s expression breaks, as she says, “Understand, we’re not abandoning you. We’ll meet up soon. Know you’re stronger than you think. We trust you.”
“I don’t even know what I am. How can I be strong?” I blurt out, a little too loudly. It startles me, and I quickly look around, as though someone is going to jump out at me any moment.
She smiles again, still looking sad. “Remember, you’re ours and we love you.”
The hologram flickers. Time is running out.
“Destroy this message after you watch it,” Dad says quickly. “It cannot fall into the wrong hands.”
“We love you,” Mom says again, her voice trembling now, as though she feels the need to make sure I hear in case I didn’t the first time.
“We’ll see you soon,” Dad adds. “At the meeting point. Nightfall. Stay hidden and alive.”
The light flickers again, then vanishes.
The room falls silent once more and I’m left staring at the empty space where my parents’ images had been.
Reaching for the device, my hands start to tremble. I hesitate for a moment, my hand hovering over the device, as my dad’s words echo in my head. It cannot fall into the wrong hands. Destroy this message after you watch it.
I wrap my fingers around the small, cracked piece of metal. It’s cool under my touch and I rub my thumb over the smooth edge, wondering what to do. I lift it up with every intention to crush it against the edge of my desk, but I stop. Still holding it in the air, I grip it tighter and close my eyes.
I can’t do it.
It’s not just a message… it’s them. The way Mom’s voice trembled at the end. The way Dad tried to stay strong, even when his eyes gave him away. The way they looked at me like I was still right there in front of them.
Yeah, they left me alone, but if I destroy it… then I will truly be alone. This is my only link to them.
What if…
The thought came so fast I almost choke on the air I’m breathing. What if I don’t see them again? My chest starts hurting again. This time it’s not because of those spicy noodles.
I lower my hand, leaving the device intact. I carefully turn the device over, and examine the fracture along its edge. The projection is gone, but the core unit is still pulsing faintly, like it’s waiting. Like it’s holding onto something.
“I’m sorry,” I say to them. I know I’m breaking every promise to them, but it can’t be helped.
I stand up and move closer to my desk. Pulling open the bottom drawer, I push aside an old notebook and school-issued tablets. Beneath them, I clear a space and tuck the device inside, making sure to wrap it in a soft cloth. Above all else, I need to make sure it stays hidden, just as long as it’s not gone forever.
I can breathe a little easier now.
There’s a distant engine hum that rolls past outside. I freeze, wondering if they’ve finally come to the house. I almost forgot about my dad’s warning to not stay in the house for too long.
I need to move… now!
I quickly shut the drawer, as I wipe the tears from my cheeks with the heel of my hand. Though it almost seems useless since they’ve mostly dried up by now. I just know that I need to get it together. This isn’t the time to fall apart. I barely have time to think.
I rush around to gather the things I need before I leave. The things my parents prepared for me are close by… backpack on the floor against my desk, map and other supplies Dad mentioned on my desk. I put those items in my bag as I run down everything I can remember.
Elara. Meeting point. Nightfall.
My thoughts seem to be everywhere, almost incoherent and overwhelming. I grab the bag from the floor, as I move through my room. I pull my favorite black jacket off the closet hanger before heading into the hallway and then to the kitchen.
Some of the cabinets are open while others are shut. My parents had left some things for me, putting them on the counter for me to find. It’s all there… everything I need while on the run. Compact ration packs stacked neatly, sealed and lightweight. A small water purifier unit, credits, which are physical chips and not traceable.
I feel my throat tighten as I see all they prepared for me. They had planned this well. It’s only now that I realize how they’ve been planning this for a very long time.
I swallow with difficulty and force myself to keep going. Taking everything that I can carry and need, I find a smaller bag and stuff it with the items. Of course, no matter how careful I am to not over pack, I can feel my bags grow heavier with each item. The weight of them grounds me in a strange way, making me fully aware of how real, immediate, and necessary this moment is.
I return to my room and drop the bags onto the bed.
The map.
Sitting down on the bed, I pull out the map my dad left for me. It’s folded carefully and I get a since of going back in time to the stone age, as I stare at real paper. I brush over it with my fingers, and something about the texture made everything feel even more real.
This isn’t temporary. This isn’t a drill. I’m no longer that little girl playing games anymore.
I unfold the map partially, catching a glimpse of unfamiliar terrain, routes marked in faint pencil. A path. It’s an escape into a future I don’t understand.
I can’t stop my hands from shaking. “I can do this,” I whisper, though the words sound thin. It’s not convincing enough.
I look back at the desk drawer where the tablet is.
Jax.
The name came with a flicker of steadiness. I know that if anyone could help me disappear, it’s my best friend. He knows the system and how to bend it. He won’t panic. At least… I hope he won’t. I know my parents warned me not to trust anyone, other than that Elara person; however, they didn’t say I couldn’t ask for help.
I can be careful. I won’t tell him anything.
Not even someone you trust.
The words rush back to my memory and I shake my head.
“I’m not telling him,” I murmur, more to convince myself than anything. “Just… asking for help. That’s different.”
It just had to be.
I grab the tablet and activate it. My fingers hover over it only for a second before I pull up Jax’s instant message. I type quickly.
Me: I need your help. Something’s wrong. Can you come over?
I hesitate, then add…
Me: Please.
I hit send immediately before I talk myself out of doing it. The message disappears into the system. Now, I just wait, which is the worst feeling ever.
I stare at the screen, willing it to respond. Seconds stretch and my heart refuses to slow down. Every sound outside makes me flinch… the distant hum of vehicles, a door somewhere down the street, the faint crackle of something over a comm line I couldn’t quite hear.
Then… a response.
I gasp as the message lights up.
Jax: I heard all the commotion earlier. Are you okay?
I’m relieved, but I don’t have time to revel in the feeling.
Me: No. I need help getting off-grid. Can you come?
I see three dots appear, then disappear, then appear again. The suspense is killing me.
Jax: I can’t right now. Everything’s locked down. They’re watching traffic hard.
I feel like the floor has opened up beneath me and swallowed me whole. Then I see another message follow quickly.
Jax: I’ll try to get to you. Give me time.
Time. That’s what I don’t have; yet, my fingers move fast across the screen pad.
Me: Hurry.
The word looks small on the screen, but it’s all I could say. Three dots appear again. Vanish. Then, no response.
I lower the tablet slowly, wondering if I just made the biggest mistake of my life. The room feels too big, too empty, and too quiet. I continue to sit on the bed, staring at nothing. Then, I look around at the place where my life used to be.
Not a clone.
The words circle endlessly in my mind, causing me to entertain all the questions that are unanswered. What did that mean… not a clone… born? How? Why me? Why didn’t they tell me sooner? Who is this Elara woman? What am I? Why am I different? What happens if they catch me? What happens if they don’t?
My head is spinning again. How can I trust anyone now?
Rian.
The memory comes uninvited. The way he looked at me in the exam room and just before we parted ways. He wasn’t afraid and he didn’t accuse me.
I don’t think you’re the error.
My chest is reacting to that darn spicy noodles again.
I exhale slowly, forcing the thought of him away. I don’t have time for distractions or risks. However, Jax is different. He’s safe. He doesn’t need to know anything, just that I need help to disappear. Everything will be fine.
I can control this.
My thoughts falter. My parent’s warning press on me again. If the wrong person finds out…
“I’m not telling him,” I say again, firmer this time. “It’ll be okay.”
It had to be.
I sit in the silence, as it presses in around me and more questions stack up.
Can I really trust Elara? What if she isn’t who my parents think she is? I don’t know her. She’s a name with no face, in a location with no context. How can I build my entire future on trust that I’m not sure I can give?
I look at the bag, the map laying beside it, and then to the drawer where the device lay hidden. I should leave, but I don’t move. Not yet. I just need one more minute. One more breath. I just need to pretend I still have time to figure it all out. Deep down, I know the truth… I don’t.
But I can’t think of that now. My world is changing too fast and I need to hold on to whatever I can before it’s all gone.
If I can just hold on for a little longer, then everything will go back to normal. Everything will be fine.
I lay back on the bed and cover my eyes with my arm.
It’s fine, you’ll see, I tell myself, this is just a dream. You’ll see. You’ll wake up and all this will be a distant memory.
I know it’s insane to think this way, but I can’t help it. I just know that whatever comes next, I will have to face it without answers.