In the reflection, I see my own eyes. Sore and shined with shame, tired of my tears. Hopefully I have put on enough eye paint to black out the stains of sorrow. Just as I hope to have put enough of a base paint to white out her torment on my cheeks and jaw. Taking up the brush, dipping it into the abyssal pigment well. Painting my bruised, bitten lips the same inky color as the paint around my eyes.
Laying my painting to rest, reaching back into a wooden jewelry box for something almost forgotten. Snapping the final earring into its place at the tip of my left ear. The cold metal adorns the edges of my pointed ears as does an ornate fence around a graveyard. Gazing back into the glass of reflection, one final check. The ancient collar necklace of guardians passed down to me, perched upon my clavicles. Battle hardened arms and talons embraced by heartless arm bands and rings. The communication gauntlet my talons forged is the only one of these that reminds me that I am a person.
A harness of precious metal and stones acts as my shirt, I feel chained to my duty as head of state. These intricately hand woven, midnight purple waistrobes are for presentation in courts and ceremonies. Shoes too are replaced by jewelry, a set that connects from my ankles to my toe-lans. According to our culture, these glittering gorgeous shackles are meant to symbolize that I walk in the shadows of my ancestors.
Though right now, I do not deserve to.
An umbridium crown- The Black Lotus Crown, a living ancestral relic, has chosen its design as thorns escaping a blossoming lotus; throned upon this aphotic hair. Another scry on the theatrical embellishments draped around the body that took my whole life to chisel.
This is the custom the people expect to see; a proud emperor, beautiful as he is strong. Yet with this looming task I feel like none of these things … I am none of these. Never was. Heavy is the head that wears the crown they say. That is nothing compared to the weight of the heart a coronated head must hide.
My thoughts have been interrupted by someone knocking on the wall by the doorway to my chamber. Her signature knock. “Sire, it’s me Amara”.
“I will be right out, Advisor Muertes.”
The time of reflection and preening has passed as I hastily put my paint away. I cross out of my loft toward the royal advisor in the hall, where we meet and exchange proper greetings. Lt. Vayav accompanies her, this eases my heart. As we begin to make our way, Devadas is unusually silent in all of this.
He does not have to say anything though, neither one of them. I can feel all of their dark emotions flying off of them. Amara’s anger is bitter, Devadas’s frustration clouds the air. Folding my arms across my chest, clutching the side of my arms to hold myself up.
Devadas stops walking, putting his arm and wing out before us. He turns slowly to me, looks me in the eye for just a moment, then his eyes shift down as his right talon rolls into a fist. Amara takes a step back as if into the shadows of the hall, yet she uses no magic.
“Little Brother-” His eyes shut fiercely, speaking as if he is biting his words. “-It is past time to clean the house.”
Hearing Amara’s prayerful words in my heart “He is right My Emperor, delay no further.”
Sinking into myself, dreading this conversation, “Lower your wings my friend, there is nothing to clean.”
“Koriath.” Devadas still holds up his wings, blocking the hall.
“Dark Shepherd-” Amara interrupts softly, stepping up again. “The Elder Council is assembling, as you know, processing the paperwork- or lack thereof. However, the hallway rumors are that you are not willing to move forward with the annulment?”
“Then allow me to confirm it for you.” Stepping forward “Now please, Lt. Vayav, let me pass forward.”
He lowers his wings and arm, walking as I do, Lady Muertes follows beside us. He only takes a few steps forward before he turns around.
His black eyes are fierce, yet voice composed. “Let you pass to the meeting? Yes, let you pass your life? No.”
“Koriath” Amara pauses, speaking in a flicker from a whisper. “Why are you protecting her?” She raises her brow, her eyes of amethyst searching my own beneath my paint.
Drawing a deep breath before looking back at my friend. Dreading that my regal voice must be used with her, in case Malencia has spies in the shadows. Choosing my words carefully, please hear the truth of my heart hidden under what must be said.
“Why should I not protect my family?”
These next words that embark from my mouth sail on a journey that I do not wish them to. Choking on it like salt water, caught in this emotional riptide. “What sad excuse for a person, does not defend their spouse? - Vows were made within the space we share, they must not be broken… Now please friends, may we please proceed?”
“Do you seriously think she would sing praises for you, better yet, would she paint kisses from the blood of her enemies on the battlefield for you?” Those purple eyes search my heart.
“The son of Karasu Iku is no slave.” Devadas’s anger wanes like the crescent chaos moon at the end of a lunation. “Not the Little Brother who, when we were juveniles, used to join me in sneaking out of training to embark on shenanigans. Take back your power while you still have favor with your temples and the faithful.”
These two are like a mob of crows. Lowering my head as my wings slightly puff in self-defence. “That is enough.”
Devadas becomes silent though Amara sighs. She then looks up at me, speaking like an Aw’nti. “You two should try therapy again if you both are willing to continue your marriage.”
“Advisor Muertes, Amara, please. You know what happened the last time we tried therapy." Shaking my head as my heart drums.“She will not let me and the girls go by ourselves either.”
“Changing the subject, Little Brother, allow me to bring you a robe, or at least something to cover your arms.” Devadas speaks much more gently now as Amara serves the tough love.
“Thank you, however, my need is to be seen this way.” My wings arch with my shutting eyes from this conversation. Hopefully those precise words are enough to appease both my friends and my wife.
“Oh that’s what you’re doing! I get it, a bit over the top, but I suppose that is your style. Little Brother, if you had told us this plan we wouldn’t have gotten after you.”
Brother, if you had told us this plan we wouldn’t have gotten after you.”
“The Dark Shepherd, having a plan?” Lady Muertes’s tone feels as if she rolls her eyes.
Then just as quickly, I open my eyes again. An uncomfortable darkness seeps in from the halls. Just as feared.
Devadas silently pulls Amara and I behind him. With the same steady silence, breaking free of his positioning. Stepping into a stance beside him with a prayer to the dead.
Custodio, your widow will survive again, your son will not be orphaned dear Battle Brother. Your family will not suffer the fate of mine.
Amara has her hand covering her own mouth. We stand still trying to figure out who it is… at first, I thought it was Malencia, but the air is not dank and haunting. It is crisp and eerie, like being alone in the winter woods on a moonless night.
Wait, that is- Oh thank the gods! “Kurai, I know you are following us, come on out little Nightshade.”
The darkness that has us surrounded in the corridor starts to draw together to the middle of the floor in front of us. Her silhouette condenses from feathery mist into physical form. The three of us exhale sharply in unison as we relax and break from formation.
“I want to go to the meeting with the Elder Council.” Kurai peeps as she finishes manifesting back into her body.
Clearly she plans on attending as she dons her finest silk gown, jewelry, and unfortunately; she did her own hair and makeup. The kind of skill level you can expect from a childling barely old enough to no longer be considered a hatchling.
This independence, her loss of her nervous speech, I should be proud of her... However there is a pain, she is trying to… Gods no… Kurai. Do not imitate me, you are so much stronger as yourself.
Amara chimes in. “Wouldn’t you rather go play with Jaques?”
“He said he wanted to nap, besides I really need to go to this meeting.”
“My princess, you did such an excellent job training in your shadow form, I almost did not know it was you. You had Aw’ddy scared for a moment. You must be so tired now; would you rather attend the Elder Council meeting on new pools and waterways for our aquatic citizens on the next moon instead?”
“No thank you Aw’ddy. I have big words about the empress I need to share.”
“You can whisper it in my ear.” Taking a knee before her. “The truth is Kurai, I do not think you are old enough to attend a meeting on this subject.” I am sorry for lying baby princess, Aw’ddy has to continue dancing into the grave to keep you and your sister safe. Do not follow me into these shadows.
The feathers on her wings puff in defense. “Aw’ddy, she-she hunts us! A moon ago she threw me out a window. She almost killed us.” She stomps her toelan. “Why did she send Aw'is away last night?”
“Kurai…” My heart breaks with hers.
Her tears erupt inside my heart and on her face. “Why did you let her?”
I can lie to Devadas and Amara all night, but my princesses… My heart and mind start racing. I am hiding too much from them already. “It was the only thing I could do to protect you both. I love you just as much as I love Phantisma.”
Kurai pauses before she speaks. “Well she doesn’t love us. She never says she loves you. I’ve seen her be mean to you. She hits you like she hits me and Aw’is.”
Quickly taking her into my arms, using my wings to create a space for the two of us as I hold her. Malencia. I try to keep my body from shaking with rage.
Taking a meditative breath to draw in the divinity of sorrow, choosing to focus on my daughter. “She hits you? When? Where?”
Kurai shakes her head, wrapping her tiny arms around me as she buries her tears into me. All I can do is hold her close, crying with her in my arms.
“Why did you not tell me sooner?”
She looks up at me, ruby eyes filled with tears. “You get mad at her, but she is stronger than you. We need help. But no one can help. No one is stronger than her. She is nice to the Elder Council though. Maybe they can help us be safe, if they are also safe.”
A force inside calls me to just take both of my childlings and run anywhere but here. Unsure if this is reactive emotions or instinct. Either way, I cannot. No matter how far I fly, Malencia will find us… She has already proven this before. Hokulani is not strong enough to help. We missed our chance to fly. To speak ill of her now, places Kurai and Phantisma in unimaginable danger.
“She makes you cry too! We can’t keep her! And if I don’t go tell people how bad she is, if I don’t do something, then I’m just a stupid baby who can’t do anything! Not like a real princess. I’m not a doll, I'm real; and the pain she gives people is also real.”
“Please allow me to carry you my princess, Aw’ddy has to fix your paint if you are going to join us.”
“Really?” Her eyes sparkle with hope as she looks up at me.
“Of course.” Lifting her, she rests her head on my shoulder as she keeps her tiny arms around my neck.
“Sir, you will be late if you fix her paint.” Amara states.
“So then go without me, Lt, may you please escort Lady Muertes?”
“I can walk her then go back for you two.”
“Thank you.” I bow my head to both of them before we part.
Amara and Devadas walk down the hall without me as I gently guide Kurai’s energy for the flight of mist traveling. Carefully keeping her energetic form separate from mine, yet ever guarding her from the haunting particles of voids within the halls.
Arriving past the drape-way effortlessly into her and Phasi’s room. On a dark and feathery mist we each start to reappear in our flesh forms as I carry Kurai over to her vanity and seat. My heart stops, seeing Moonstone’s set right next to hers. They should not be separated like this, and Phantisma has never seen such purposely humble lifestyles as that terrible place. I need to bring her home, and home needs to be safe.
Time passed as I fixed up Kurai’s hair, now I am almost finished re-doing her paint to something more age and palace appropriate. Carefully guiding the cold wet paint from her nose bridge, to under her eyes, then up to her brows.
“See that is how you do the royal under eye line. You can try it yourself next time we do not have such a big meeting to go to.”
“Alright Aw’ddy, but then why are you wearing war paint?”
“Because I am going to war with my words.” Turning to put everything away inside one of the drawers of her vanity. In truth, it was the only paint thick enough to cover up the bruises.
“Why? What are you gonna say?” She looks up at me as I walk up to her.
“Beloved Nightshade, if this conversation is going to be another barrage of why-questions, I am not answering them.” Lifting her into my arms again.
She smirks with mischief as I carry her again. “Why?”
Before she can be answered, there is a strong knock at the drapeway, this is how Adumbra knocks. We both quietly turn our heads, feeling Kurai’s tiny heart beating with mine. Usually the Captain is a powerfully silent sentry.
Whispering to Kurai as I set her down. “Go hide in the spot I showed you.”
She nods and runs in her mist form into her and Phantisma’s spa room.
Fighting the weight enchained on my soul from within, running out of their room and toward the hallway. Hastily parting the drapeway cloth reveals the urgency of Adumbra’s wide eyes.
“Devadas says The Empress is in attendance.”
My heart sinks to my stomach, despair storms in like a hurricane. Thoughts rampant like the debilitating wind, sorrow and anger like sniping, stinging rain.
“Koriath, stay with me.” She grips my shoulder with the sureness of her strength.
Devadas’s voice from Adumbra’s communication gauntlet. “Captain Ossifragus, tell him to get here now.”
Bringing my forearm up to my chest, activating the communication gauntlet that I originally made for my mother. The first one of these creations of mine. The memory of having to refit it blurs. Eerie night energy surrounds me again. I desperately try to answer before she does. “I am on my way.”
“Me too!” Kurai manifests herself at my side.
Lord Rajnish of Holy Night, Lord Amorani of Love, as well as Shadow and Sorcery Supreme; please shield Kurai’s voice from coming through on the communicator just now.
“No Kurai, stay here with the Captain.”
A single feather falls from her wings as she raises them with a threatening display. Please let that just be an early first molt. Adumbra takes a stance, feeling the same otherworldly strangeness from Kurai that I do. Oh gods no, not my baby. Tears stinging my eyes as the fallen feather is replaced by an ever shifting shade of black beyond the hues of the cosmic abyss.
“I am going! I do not care! I will fight her!” Kurai rasps and caws.
Putting my talons together, forming a psychic blanket of soothing night energy as my talons now rhythmically part. “Put your wings down princess.”
Her shapeless energy slaps my magic. Her magic does not hurt, it is her emotions that do. Feeling the weight of her pain pouring from her heart.
Kneeling before her on both knees, then waning to sit upon my calves. All while these tears still sting, fighting to keep my voice from shaking. Opening my arms wide, only speaking with love and night to her. “Kurai, allow me to take your anger from you.”
“No! I want to be angry!” Her formless energy continues as another feather falls from the same wing.
They are not symmetrical? “Nightshade, if you are angry be angry; just do not hurt yourself doing it.”
“But you are angry and hurt! I can smell it!”
“I am angry and hurt with the empress, not you my princess.”
Keeping my arms open, she finally runs to me crying and screaming. Holding her with the serenity of night as she continues crying and screaming into me.
My communicator comes on while calming down Kurai. The voice of the honey of hellworlds almost has a giggle to it. “I thought you were on your way sweet Moonflower. Everyone is waiting.”
“I will take Kurai.” Adumbra assures in lip-speak.
Kurai is staring at the communicator as I try to hand her to the guard captain. Adumbra gently lifts my little one from me. As she does, Kurai breaks her fixation on the communicator then shifts her gaze to me.
“It is alright little Nightshade, she is not going to hurt you anymore. Captain, you can escort the princess, however do not join until it is safe.” Rising to my feet.
Adumbra nods, trying to comfort Kurai in her arms. Taking this sliver of a distraction as my chance to take flight upon a darkened feathery mist.