“Seriously?! Right now?” Malencia drags Koriath out of the crowd as his body sheepishly follows her guide back to the safety of the rented suite. The deliberate strike from her pointer finger summons the elevator. His hold slips from her talon as he falls limp once the elevator door closes behind him. She catches then carries him bridal style with her unholy strength.
His consciousness flies through time and space, carefully weaving himself between the celestial dark. This is how elemental guardians are summoned, through the astral planes. He travels delicately so as to not rip time and space.
Within the worlds of spaces and planes in between, a dark specter of a wounded monitor lizard upon a bed of books, scrolls, and tablets appears. These shadows then dance an astral ballet, forming into the summoner’s location. “Seek The Head Librarian. Speak with no other.” Whispers a thousand voices in unison.
Meanwhile, Malencia carries Koriath’s body into the suite. With a disgusted grunt she casts him out of her arms as if nothing more than a heavy heap of soiled laundry. As he hits the ground with a heartless thud, she dusts his feathers off her satin-silk gown. She grumbles something to herself in a language beyond knowledge, then chuckles softly as she gracefully turns him onto his back with her heel.
He starts to awaken, his consciousness returning from the guardian’s call in the astral space. He blinks slowly, his wife’s white high heel pressed against his sternum. Still coming to, he looks up at her, poising his palms flat on the floor to rise.
She looks back at him with crushing silence in her eyes.
“Thank you for picking me up, my goddess.” His voice soft as if just waking up.
The feathers on her wings puff out as she presses her shoe down with painful pressure. “All I ever do is pick you up, my talons are bloody to protect-”
“Do not start with me tonight Mali. We both know why your talons are bloody, and whose blood it is.”
“The blood of our enemies-”
“Mali, I do not want to be your enemy. I loved you once. We should be enemies, but I offer you one last chance-”
Her face surges into a scowl as she kicks her foot to his throat, holding back at the last second. On contact she applies pressure with the top piece of her shoe, using the toe to lift his head back.
“Awe, what’s wrong Moonflower? Raven got your throat energy?” She presses in harder.
“Mali. I- need- go.” He lifts a talon and gently caresses her ankle.
“No, what force in the multiverses needs you more than I do at this moment? This is our twentieth anniversary. Can’t you ignore the needs of darkness for one night?”
“No. Sacred. Task.”
“Am I not your goddess? What is more sacred than I?” She steps off of him and turns around away from him.
He places a talon to his neck and heals himself as he rises to his toelans. “Mali please.”
“Don’t Mali please me with your gem tailored eyes and your quivering lips. Just go.” She walks toward the table with their refreshments.
“I will take care of this quickly and come back to you.”
“No, just leave me again like you always do.”
He lowers her hand gently from his face, looking into her eyes as he kneels. “Sacred was the incorrect word. I apologize that this bloodline obligation takes me from your side. Please save some dancing for my return, my goddess.”
“That depends how long you take Kori. I will find a toy to entertain myself with if you don’t return by the time I get bored.” She turns her attention from pouring herself another cup of tea toward him with a heinous smile.
Koriath’s heart can almost be heard shattering, the pain reverberating through his words. “Fine. Just do not leave the club without me. I want us to be seen going home together on our anniversary if we are going to try and make us work.”
With this his body forms into shadows, flying off with mind, body, and soul as one. Just as his mind did in the astral plane. Once he leaves, Malencia steps from the tea to prowl back to the dance floor.
A gentle weave through the darkness of time and space, but to our eyes is teleportation. The library is a temple-like complex that encompasses a small rogue planet. Droids are checking in visitors before they enter the main building. Koriath fades into the shadows using each shadow of every plant, person, and object to sneak his way inside.
If I am to speak with only the head librarian, then that should also be the only person I should be seen by as well.
The inner halls are lined with books, scrolls, tablets, chords with knots, audio books, telepathy sets, and every other way to record information and stories. Anthropomorphic skinks hustle about by restocking the shelves, cleaning, and helping library goers find sources. The Dark Shepherd tiptoes and slinks with the shadows, doing his best to remain unnoticeable as he makes his way.
At the main desk are more skinks, droids, and a singular human like chameleon. Stamp in one claw and an open book at their desk. The chameleon becomes distracted by something at the corner of one of their eyes.
Koriath who is gathered near the ceiling feels these eyes upon him. The androgynous chameleon person zeroes in on him. Their eyes lock and the two stare motionless. Nervously, he breaks their gaze and looks for a place to escape. Spotting a vent, he darts for it, his shadow flowing in like a dark gas to the trained eye.
The chameleon has a communication implant. “Your special guest is here to see you boss.” They relay then resume business as usual.
In the vent as Koriath orientates himself, a bright flash of light appears, the entire light spectrum at that. He does his best not to shriek as the light forces him back into his flesh form. Quickly putting up a thick shield of darkness.
Armor is usually designed to protect the wearer, however his guardian garb was designed for exotic theatrics, leaving him defenseless to the beam the light pierces through his shield. Exposed skin blisters as sunburns, his feathers and hair singed. The stench of inflamed flesh and muted suffering pollutes the vent. In a flash it was all over, the vents were back to dark and cold.
A droid turns a vent corner towards him, the machine carrying what some civilizations would label a phone call.
“Appologies, we had to increase security. Though, I expected a proper Guardian would know how to use common entrances and ask for directions at a front desk instead of creeping about.”
I must refrain from saying something dense or sarcastic. Pull yourself out of reacting, you are not with Mali at the moment. At least pretend you are a decent guardian. He pauses for breath and composure “I am to speak to the Head Librarian, I am assuming this is you?”
“Yes, this is Siddhartha, Head Librarian at the Inter-dimensional Library Temple of Knowledge. Give me one moment.” The crystal now displays a live broadcast. The face to the voice is of an anthropomorphic monitor lizard. “Alright, that's better. You can call me Sid. Come, follow the drone, I will lead you to a place much more comfortable to talk.”
He was wounded in my vision, now it is me who is hurt. Koriath thinks as he starts to slowly heal himself while following.
The drone leads the way up and through a maze that Koriath painfully crawls and tumbles through before finally arriving at the exit vent. Thankfully the vent gate is already off. Now it is just a matter of dragging my burnt body through the final duct.
After he makes it through, The Head Librarian changes the vent gate from a grate to a solid plate. “I apologize again Sir for receiving your company like this. I called you because we’ve been robbed of a very special book.”
The lizard man frantically started drawing windows and locking doors with a paranoia that Koriath can taste. Being injured, he cannot help but to consume the negative emotions.
“I thought people steal from libraries often.” Koriath forgets to filter himself for a moment. Using the energy of paranoia and fear to soothe his burns, which regenerate while they speak.
“Yes, but the book in question is not made available to the public; and when I said we I didn’t mean we the library, I meant we as in those of us who depend on elemental balance for survival.” Siddhartha continues as he scutters, securing the room.
“The elemental balance? That includes even most deities. All things living- physics, chemistry, alchemy-” Koriath pauses as he brings his talon to his own chin.
“Exactly. However, I do fear the people of your realm will feel the first of the effects of the book missing, if in the wrong claws.” The Librarian pulls back the last curtain.
“Excuse me?” Koriath’s gravity shifts with an inquisitive stare. He steps toward the Librarian with otherly aura. The Black Lotus rooted around his head as a thin circlet makes itself visible. His deep voice is still soft as the clarity of night. “I am going to need you to explain the situation. I do not take kindly nor passively to threats on my people.”
“The Book of Darkness- here follow me” Sid leads the guardian toward a shelf in the back of the office, pulling a book which acts as a lever.
The vase on the desk spins. As it does, a dimensional door starts to form before them. First it appears as a portal, before physically becoming a doorway in the middle of the room. The lizard opens the door and crosses the threshold first, the crow following behind. Inside is another room which looks more like a museum archive than a library.
“These are tales and artifacts that are kept away from public knowledge. Every head librarian here has had the duty of guarding these sacred objects. This place was forged by the old gods themselves.” They explain as they lead him down the display isles.
Koriath’s sight is filled with shock and awe at the books and artifacts.
“Your Guardianship, this is the problem.” From a shelf Sid pulls a dark wooden box.
“I know that timber, it comes from the trees back home” Koriath’s attention focuses.
Siddhartha nods silently, carefully opening the box which reveals its emptiness. “We kept the book on darkness here in this box for its protection. The tome is a living record, eternally self scribing. Its text holds all the knowledge on the element of darkness. Events past, present, and the tales of dark guardians and Corvapian history. It goes into great detail on not just the magic of darkness itself, but the magic- the life energy of your species; as well as the secrets and ways your world is held together.”
“Is the location of my home world written in there?”
“Everything.” Siddhartha answers solemnly.
“Everything everything?” Koriath’s feathers puff slightly as his face and palms begin to sweat. Trying to swallow the tremble in his voice.
“I’ve read from the tome. Not only why and how Empress Iku left you to the throne-”
“Please do not bring up my mother.” Koriath rubs his temples.
“As I was saying, it records everything about the dark element except for the future. The book also holds accounts of a time before the multiverses. The darkened nothingness of the cosmic web unruptured. Before Chaos. Before the Old Gods fell by Evil.” Siddhartha continues.
“Appologies for the interruption however, if you are the Guardian of Knowledge, do you not know where the book is or who stole it?”
“Wherever it is now, is a place beyond Knowledge and whoever stole it can go there. This conversation is being transcribed upon it, simply because you are here. However, I had to take the risk and summon you.”
“You have lost the element of surprise by doing so. If someone is reading the current writing, then they now know.” Koriath starts to pace about as he thinks aloud.
“The case becomes far more strange.” Siddhartha continues quietly. “Take a look.”
Koriath walks to the Librarian’s side, who brings his attention to other similar boxes that are containers for books on the shelf beside the darkness box.
“Similar books exist for light, water, materi, fire, and aeol. None of these are missing.” Hurriedly, Sid reveals to him more books on the shelf across. “Even sub guardians like this order of librarians, guardian of sound, element of love, keeper of time- all those books are here.”
The Head Librarian’s behavior becomes sporadic again as they lead the dark shepherd to an isle of objects in display cases. “See? No artifacts were stolen. I have the Stone of First Philosophy over there next to the Sword of Carfi, which is a powerful blade forged in chaos. Do not touch it though, it traps the souls of celestials and umbrials alike within.”
“My soul is already trapped.” Koriath tries to shrug off Siddhartha’s last comment.
As he walks past the blade, the crying souls of trapped umbrials beg for release. A shudder down his spine, as he starts to also feel the tears of slain celestials. His steps cease following Siddhartha’s. The pain is heartbreakingly entrancing.
“How do I help them?” Koriath looks over to the Head Librarian, speaking with a whimper.
Siddhartha sighs as he walks back to Koriath’s side with a heavy heart. “Trapped. Only the blood of a Carfi can release them, and no one has seen Carfi Carfichica. That is why I am keeping it safe, so no more can be consumed by it.” Solemnly, the lizard takes the crow’s talon and leads him past the sword.
“None of these are safe here if something was stolen.” Koriath whispers to himself with watery eyes. That thing can trap people like me and people like Hokulani… My people are trapped and I cannot save them?
“There is no safer place unless the old gods come and destroy these artifacts themselves. Most of those souls, regardless if umbrial or celestial, should never be released. Souls on the same caliber as those who fervently serve the regimes of King Haelius or Empress Malencia.”
“Wait… you can hear my thoughts?”
“Yes, this entire time.” Siddhartha answers plainly. “You have a loud mind.”
“I see. I am sorry.” Koriath lowers his head.
“You have nothing to apologize for, Dark Shepherd.”
Thank you. As you were saying, many artifacts that could lead to mass destruction, but they weren’t taken?” Koriath nervously tries to change the subject.
“Well not mass destruction per say- definite changes and potential cosmic damage.” The Head Librarian follows along as they notice The Dark Guardian becoming uncomfortable.
“And they only stole the book on darkness?” Koriath asks.
“Don’t forget, they got through security.” Siddhartha adds.
“Well then, as I said before, a Corvapian or any species similar did not do it. They would have died in your vent. It could have even killed me if I was not the dark guardian.”
“We did not have that feature installed at the time of the robbery. Oh wait, we had the ultraviolet light scrubber, but that’s for sanitation not security.”
"It still could kill the average corvapian."
“The average of any species would not have knowledge of this part of the library.”
The feathers on his wings puff like hairs standing up in fright, he flaps his wings to hide this.“Did anything else unusual happen? Or did you find anything else out of place or missing?”
“No, and that’s just the thing, nothing out of place. That book is the only thing missing.” Siddhartha notices his movements, being fluent in Dimperial Corvapian body language.
“Alright so,” Koriath holds his chin in his talon. “They left no trace; I am assuming you fingerprinted?”
“Well of course. I searched and scoured for evidence of the theft. I found no DNA or RNA either. Even tasted the air! You see I keep this area meticulously, even though I may help myself to the knowledge here occasionally.”
Siddhartha becomes fidgety as if he too can sense Koriath’s emotions. “I always read and stand right where the tomes should be and put them back at once when done. I suspect someone had knowledge of the book, this place, snuck in and grabbed it. They even knew of the box it is kept in. Even more so, without that case it’s probably bare- no protection!”
“Following with motives, I can see two possible, three if you upset someone.”
“Not to this degree I don’t think.”
“One possible motive is that they took this book to destroy it. The other, like you hinted at earlier, to gain the insight and knowledge recorded in it.”
"I have an aching gut feeling that the thief was of the supernatural kind."
"Can you rule out robotics?" Koriath pauses before he continues investigating.
"No, but what would a robotic entity or artificial intelligence want with only the dark book? The Materi book is right there. What mortal intelligence knows of this place?"
"We need to analyze the facts, possible motifs and awareness.” Koriath pauses, trying to calm Siddhartha so he too can stay level headed. “An artificial intelligence could have taken it to understand dark matter and dark energy technologies at a deeper level."
"An artificial intelligence with access to here would already have that kind of knowledge and understanding. They would have ascended Maema and her people ages ago. The only evidence I have is the fact that it is beyond my ability to find it. Beyond Knowledge."
"I see why you lean on the supernatural then." The dark guardian's face sinks with uneasiness.
"I fear this tome has been stolen by such an unspeakable entity, and the war of light and dark to end with the weakness of darkness illuminated."
"That is an ominous prediction." Koriath shudders.
"An ominous prediction for an ominous situation." Siddhartha is solemn.
"I will see if I can feel out any more clues that may have been missed."
Koriath goes about the room twice, first with an analytical bird's eye. Then feeling every dark fiber. He touches the chest where the book was kept. Like one who can only see by hands. He slowly follows the cooling trail to only a few paces towards the middle of that very isle.
"Whoever took it wasted no time. They knew exactly where it was. They are using either technology or magic that I do not know how to track. It does feel malignant."
The head librarian's eyes beam in panic. “How does that vibration compare to those in your Elder Court, your wife, or Evil Incarnate?”
Koriath shuts his eyes and bites his lip, then holds himself before his teeth release him to speak. “It does not feel like anyone from the Elder Council… and Mali… about a lunation ago, I had an intrusive thought that has since seeded itself into me.”
Siddhartha quietly listens as he offers out a claw in support. Koriath nods, accepting their claw on his arm.
“I thought… I wonder… I know Evil Incarnate is a shapeshifter… I am worried that…” Koriath reaches out a talon and holds Siddartha’s claw. “I am sorry.”
“It’s alright, if you do not wish to continue, you do not have to.”
“Thank you.” Koriath retracts from holding their claw. He then rubs his eyes, feeling no tears had yet fallen.
Siddhartha clears their throat and speaks up. “What do you propose I should do, Dark Shepherd?”
Koriath tries to swallow his own fears and concerns. "Summon the other guardians one by one. Talk to Hokulani first, she has an excellent tracking ability. Next speak with Maema, she should be able to help you decide if this is magic, technology, or both. Then tell Atesh of Fire, he is the resident exorcist and demonologist of our current order. If it is supernatural as you say, he can most likely tell you what left this malignant energy. I am too emotionally compromised to tell. Finally, tell Baltin of Water, and Catha of Aeol to keep an extra eye out. Call us all at once if any other elemental books from this archive are stolen".
"Yes sir, but what will you do?"
"My search will be in the shadows to not raise anymore tensions nor awareness of this issue. As for this moment, I must retire back to the date with my wife. Terrible things can happen if she is kept waiting too long.”
“Is that really the smartest thing to do at a time like this?” Siddharthat puts their claws on their hips.
“If you have read that book, then you know exactly what terrible things I speak of.”
Siddhartha nods silently.
Koriath supportively places a talon on the Head Librarian’s shoulder. “This is not giving up, I will find that book and return it.”
“When you do, resist the urge to read from it, unless you are mentally and spiritually prepared for mind shattering, heart breaking knowledge.”
“I care not for hidden nor forbidden knowledge, this will not tempt me. However my wife may shatter my mind and break my heart if I do not return to her as soon as possible.”
“Go. I will take your wise counsel on contacting the other elemental guardians and informing them on the situation.”
With this Koriath bows his head, his guardian garb dissipates in transformation. His circlet reverts to a thin, barely visible line of silver that blends with the shadows of his hair and the blue of his skin. His silken garments of an ornately embroidered halter crop shirt, with matching waist-over-robes form back over him, followed by his semi sheer silk pants and jeweled sandals.
Siddhartha looks with academic awe at the rare sight of a guardian’s transformation, as if noting and photographing every moment in their mind’s eye.
The dark guardian then leaves in a cloud of black smoke which holds the vibration of myrrh burning in the new moon night.
“Find the book. Rally your friends. Return to yourself. Believe in love all you can, Karasu Son of the Night.” The Head Librarian whispers once the Dark Shepherd’s form exits.
~
I travel through dimensions with haste back to the club. My form flies in from a dark mist back to the suite. Yet, there is no sign of Malencia. My search through the crowds is tireless. No one in the VIP hall claims to have seen her. I sigh heavily before dragging myself to the elevator, where no one joins me. I trudge my way to the first-floor bar and take the empty seat in the farthest corner.
The bartender nods toward me as sit myself. The gilded elegance of this place feels so shallow. My darkest emotions could engulf and sink this place like a ship in an ocean’s abyss.
The only treasure lost to a cruel, salted, crushing coldness is me… and perhaps that book. Maybe Malencia is still around somewhere, I will wait here openly for her. Perhaps she will return, finding her vessel sinking into a despair that is not her. I hope she rescues me, though I have my doubts in my heart.
"Ah you sir, you came in with The War Raven. You two danced fine until you didn't.” While the bartender is commenting toward me, he starts making another cocktail. “She ran off with someone about half her age. Some spring Leporidaen if his species is any consultation. Couldn't tell you who though, I've never seen him before. Sorry boss."
Of course The War Raven preyed on some greenhorn space man-bunny. Wait, someone half her age… “I am about half her age.” Koriath speaks quietly.
“Really? I thought you two were about the same. My apologies for the wrong intel. She ran off with someone about half your age… Here."
He serves the drink he was making to me with a cordial smile. Something indigo in color with a strong alcohol scent, then notes of bittersweet. "A pain killer, compliments of the house."
"I will take it on my tab thank you."
"I won’t let you pay for it, dear shepherd." He smiles courtly.
"Thank you sir, your kindness will be honored before I leave. For now-" Taking a drink. It is definitely strong and herbal but it is at least drinkable. It tastes like sour heartache, bitter sorrow, and sweetly painful release. "I will stay here and drink my emotions if that is alright."
"Down the hatch sir, let me know when you're ready for your next one." His smile is unwavering as he polishes another glass before turning to another patron.
Staring at the glass in my talons, giving the drink a gentle swirl. If Malencia is out there fooling around, it should be alright for me to have a drink or two. At least if she is busy cheating on me, then I know the girls are safe from her…
My talon grips tighter on the glass. The thought of a man younger than I with her… it burns. It burns my being. Malencia, why tonight? My talon clenches the glass tighter, until the flesh of my talons becomes white against the cold glass. I asked her to love me, and she does this. I remember, I remember when her cruelty was something special, just for me and her, when I knelt before her with a genuine smile. I remember… Why am I remembering our first kiss?
It was out in the garden, a haunting beauty of the crescent chaos
Reflected that toothy dead white smile of hers.
The blooming season was full.
I remember telling her, “Dearest General” It was how she liked to be addressed. “Just as this garden is, you are a breath of fresh air. Yet it is not the harvest of blossoms and spices you wear in your perfume that fills my being.”
She chuckled softly in the chaos glow as she seized my talon for herself, an electric darkness beyond poetry I felt in her touch.
“It is the scent of your eyes, the rare divinity of a corpse flower with the strength of a stellar abyss. Malencia, I am no fly. However, with you my heart soars with curiosity and awe. It is not just your beauty in bloom, it is your unapologetic strength of your branches and your mind that fascinates me.”
She stopped walking so I stopped alongside her. She turned and faced me directly with a smile in her crimson eyes that I had never seen before in anyone.
“My Emperor, your words are almost as pretty as your lips. If I may be so bold…”
I was flattered, confused, speechless as she stopped holding my talon and instead grabbed me by my chin. My face must have been blushing as purple as moonrise, I remember how much her next composition of words made my feathers fluff in such nervous ecstasy; as she pulled me in close.
For the first time I looked deep into the soulless void and found the beauty of crushing nothingness. Like a comet sailing toward a blackhole, my heart was caught. Yet that was not enough for her, and knowing that was the true pleasure of it all.
“Clarify how the strength of my branches fascinates my little dark lord.” She kept that stare into my soul as she hovered her lips above mine for the first time.
I remember being so nervous that I prayed to my ancestors for strength not to mess this up. They gave no aid as my lips touched hers.
She seized me into a dance she was well versed at. I let my heart take the reins, and for a while I led our blooming mouth dance. Until she brought the reinforcements of her tongue. I would say that was the most pleasurable way one’s tongue can be smote.
“You are more than a flower, you are the might of the forest." I told her with an enraptured beat in my heart and an irrigated smile on my face.
Unfortunately, I did not recognize the horror and disgusting vile of that leer. I thought it was of heartfelt passion and psychotic romance.
The grandest bloom was my foolishness.
She is the unholy legion of machines
Tearing down proud, ancient, sacred wood for profit.
Then disguises her gains as those for the people
Who are still starved but filled with coins.
I wish I could bring justice for such wickedness,
But I am just her slave
Disguised as her husband.
My reflection is caught in the drink’s abyss. I wish not to see this shell of a man that has become of me. Maybe I should just call it a night and go home. That tome is missing… But the girls… What will happen to Kurai and Phantisma if I leave?
Feeling the glass in my talon is as wet as my eyes. Lifting it, the drink is as cold as my sorrow. Washing down painful memories as the cocktail surges in.
They will be safe if I stay.
The rhapsody of bitter and sweet notes leads my tongue to kneel before a pleasurably sour spice. And yet the notes are not composed in perfect flavor, it misses that savory note. Perhaps it is I who misses that note from within. That is why I cannot taste it.
The girls are safe and I finally get the chance to go out and drink after ages. Why am I so tense about things? Malignant beyond knowledge, they said. I can no longer feel. No. I can feel two things, I can feel my love for my childlings. I can feel the medicine of this drink.
Yet this fire consumes my heart. I begged her to love me, and she ran off with someone barely old enough to be an adult. She is probably going to eat him to hide the evidence that the scandal ever happened.
Maybe I should be the better man and save him.
Then again, he is old enough to come out to such a venue and has the audacity to court her or take her advances. Maybe I can surrender his fate to the gods.
Maybe Haelius will strike her down, her lust for the suffering of others will be her undoing. Oh a happy widower he would make me. At this point I would give myself to him for a day if it means getting rid of her and becoming a free man by nightfall.
What is wrong with me? What am I saying? Like it or not, I am still her husband. No matter what, her ether-blood runs through my childlings. No one can heal or purify that. Is it not then, my duty then to protect and honor her?
I take another drink to sort my mind. It is alright for thoughts and feelings to happen. Action is what makes a person’s character. Like Dr. Kroe said, I am not my thoughts. This time I taste nothing in the drink, only coldness. Just like Mali.
The problem is her, after everything she has pushed, pulled, and placed me through… Honor is to be earned, dignity is given. She does not honor nor love, and I have no more strength to fight her. Nor the dignity of self for my own preservation. I have made my roost-bed, I must sleep in it. The lives of my daughters depend on this.
I must stay put and wait for that obnoxious, noxious, traitorous, gorgeously obliterating black hole super star. That sadistic soul smiting whore of a demon lord that I call my goddess. As an act of protest to the situation, I defeat the drink, setting it away and signal for a second.
Besides, I haven't had proper me time since before having my last egg. No, wait. Before? After losing Nephti, I got sober for Desiderius… gave him all my time and care. When was the last time I enjoyed my own company? Was it that night on the balcony?… Have I ever?
The bartender serves me the next one, this one looks a bit different. It was made in haste perhaps. Any creative knows that you cannot create masterworks every time, no matter how much one practices, how skilled, or how much they pour their soul in. My mind returns to rumination as I hold the drink.
When I go back home, the first thing I am going to do is reunite Phantisma and Kurai. They will hate me for leaving them both with the monks, but they will both be together, alive, and away from Malencia. They will not have to see what I must become to save them.
Perhaps when they are grown and one of them is guardian, if I still live, perhaps they will grant me the salvation found in dying. If one of them does it, I would not call it usurpation. It would be a mercy kill of a sick old man who no longer deserves to take up resources from his children.
I pray they can survive and rise above their mother while they live in the temples. Yet, can I endure long enough so that they may live? My princesses will live to adulthood at any cost. My soul is sold for them. I am nothing.
“To a new life for Karasu Kurai and Karasu Phantisma. May they grow with grace, understanding, strength, and blessings.” I toast quietly to myself.
My talon brings the drink to my lips, and with great spirit, I lift it higher so that its entirety flows into me. The bitter rush from my lips, down my tongue, and into my being is such cathartic pleasure.
Pain must accompany love, if I cannot find love from Malencia, I will find it within illusion at the bottom of the glass. I will enthusiastically pay the price for my daughters to live. They will be safe and free, if I force myself to believe in this curse and call it love.