Ernie explained the situation to his therapist.
He had agreed to meet Eric for coffee. He wanted to meet Eric for coffee. He was now experiencing considerable difficulty with the part where he actually had to meet Eric for coffee.
When he heard himself explain it aloud, the whole thing sounded ridiculous.
He was a grown man. He could drive a car, manage his bills, and make appointments. He was capable of holding conversations with people. He had, on numerous occasions, purchased coffee without incident.
Somehow, doing all of those things in the context of a date was different.
His therapist reminded him that anxiety was common when doing something unfamiliar. She also reminded him that he had a tendency to back away from things when they became uncomfortable, even when they were things he genuinely wanted.
Ernie knew this.
He didn't particularly enjoy having it pointed out, largely because it was true.
Avoiding the date would make him feel better immediately. He could stay home, put on something comfortable, and spend the evening doing exactly what he wanted to do. There would be no awkward conversation, no sensory surprises, and no need to determine whether a stranger's facial expression meant he was bored or merely thinking about something else.
The downside was that he would never know how the date might have gone.
His therapist encouraged him to see how far he could get. He didn't need to guarantee a successful date. He didn't need to promise himself that he would like Eric or that Eric would like him. He didn't even need to commit to a second date.
He just needed to give the first one a chance.
Ernie considered this.
It was a reasonable argument. He appreciated a reasonable argument. The difficulty was that his brain could produce an equally compelling argument for staying home, and the argument for staying home came with significantly less anxiety.
He wasn't sure what to do with that.
He ended the appointment and sat quietly for a while.
Perhaps the problem was that he kept waiting to feel comfortable before doing things that made him uncomfortable.
That was an annoying possibility.
He didn't have an answer yet.