Chapter 2-Too Sexy for This Trailer
"Ba-ba-ba-ba-bad... bad to the bone..."The song blared from my alarm radio.I wasn't expecting music.A simple beep, beep... beep, beep... beep would have sufficed just fine. I stretched, and my toes curled.
"Ahhh..."
They curled again.
"Niceeee."
I couldn't get my alarm to shut off, so I did what any logical person would do. I threw it. My right side was somewhere between numb and not numb. That's the best way to describe it. Between numb and not numb.
It feels like when you are comparing hand sizes with somebody and pressing your fingers together.if you then feel your finger and their finger together. You can see their finger touching yours. You know it's there, but you can't actually feel their finger. Thats what I mean. It feels like that,heavy. Its weird thats for sure.
There's really no other way to describe it unless I invent a new descriptive adjective for it.
I don't feel like this world needs any more retarded words though but thats just me personally. So that's not going to happen on my end anyways.
That also would require thinking and thats not happening right now and probably not later either.Theres a constant loud fogginess in my head at all times. Yeah sure I am missing half a brain but crap. The reality is before coffee anything sounds like entirely too much work. Id have to classify it it under cuel and unusual punishment.
Any dumbass can create a word is my point. I personally witnessed similar ignorance from social media "creators.". Nowadays, anybody can make up a word and somehow make a quick million.
Not this gal though. See that would be lucky and in that category I fall short.
Most of those people are only good for making semi-funny videos they piggy backed from somebody else and then start marketing them as their own. I just wink and nod at these idiots. Sure yeah I have never seen this one before,Not.
Hey, at least they're good at something so I cant hate on them for that.
I could invent a word right now that makes absolutely no sense and it still it be added to the dictionary. I remember the first time I heard Ginormous. Now that one makes sense. Oh and the word chicken head cracks me up. My only advice is just do not go around calling people that because they tend to be offended by any and everything now too.
What has this world come to? Woe is me. Not really I give two shits to be brutally honest.
Then again, I am not the person to be asking any important questions before I've fully woken up and because I have half a brain.
Literally my right side died from a TBI- traumatic brain injury. When I am writing my books I czn escape.. I can escape the pain, fear,sadness,all the mental trauma.
Those stupid words come equipped with even stupider definitions.
Good grief Charlie Brown.Just stop.
Stop it, people. Thats a thought. Kudos to me on figuearing out how to clear my thoughts. Now im cooking peanut oil. Have you ever heard the saying "Pin A Rose On Your Nose?" I am asking myself wheres my rose.
Of course, if enough people started using the word, Webster's would probably feel obligated to stick it in one of their fancy new dictionaries full of dumbass words. What happened to this world. Who runs people over for sport? Who hunts people for sport? Apparently, they're either desperate for attention or bored out of their minds.
How's that saying go? " ignorance is bliss" so theres blissful people lurking among us.
Either way, somebody is getting away with some nonsense somewhere at all times. At least thats how I see it.
All of this was racing through my head while I was doing nothing more than trying to wake up.
Truthfully...
Who knows?
Do we really care?
I don't is what I try to tell myself. I get $900.00 a month from disability after paying my Medicare premium which is 347.00 dollars a month and they cover absolutely nothing. Don't get me started about Medicare Advantage Plans because they shit plans to put it simply.
I'm just saying.
When I wake up in the morning, all kinds of weird things come to mind. Things I must have dreamed about or gone to bed thinking about.
The word I would have invented is numbass.
Definition:The feeling a person experiences when they're somewhere between numb and not numb.Pronounced: numb-ass.
I hadn't quite worked out the rest of the dictionary entry kinks yet but if I remember I just might have to to see if I'm right about the word thing or wrong about it. But either way it will not impact my life in any meaningful way. I mean its not something I would lose any sleep over.
The world is unfortunately stuck with a whole new version of the English language now. Sweet Jesus these kids are screwed.
All because stupid people are taking over the world because they have mommy and daddy's money.
Can you really picture a seventy-five-year-old lady walking into a store and saying, "That's lit"? Or Bro, Bruh, or anything along those lines? Well they do. I heard it and witnessed it with my own two eyes and ears. The first time I was called "brah" I said "why are you shouting Bra at me? Yes okay yes I have a titty holder on of its that serious and you have to know my personal buisness kid". And that was before the accident so cant blame that on brain damage.
I have actually heard something along those lines, and I did a double take. No lie.
Why?
I'll tell you why.
Manners, morals, chivalry, and respect are definitely lacking nowadays. Everything is fuckity, fuck,fuck. I'll be reading posts and after all the curse words are taken out it just says i,e,o,m and u so I put the curse words back. That tidbit is not that helpful I suppose.
Tid-bit: little information snippets just incase you didnt know. Well on the plus side that is not something AI can help with. Apparently they can not use curse words which is pretty funny really. So I have come to the conclusion AI has more manners than most humans at this point.
That is all I have to say about that before I piss myself off before even getting back out of bed.
The good news is that the snooze button made contact with the wall when I pitched the alarm across the room.
As luck would have it, the only button on that stupid reliable thing was pressed when it hit the wall...so I thought....If I had taken the extra half-second to hit the snooze button with my finger, I wouldn't have had to go searching for it afterward ot throw myself off thebed again.
That was unsettling.
When it hit the wall, it slid straight down into a pile of dirty clothes.
I'll be damned. Get a job and think about it. I'll be damned.
Of all songs to be playing now , especially that early in the morning, it was I'm Too Sexy."I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt..."The song was now coming from my pile of dirty underwear.
The irony.
Were they so sexy so sexy yeah? No. I dont wear sexy panties because they are snuggies waiting to happen.
Were they trying to tell me something like have a nice day or look at red chested Robin? No, no they weren't. Probably more alomg the lines Bitch wash us. They do need washed.if they could talk im sure that would be their request.
I am crippled amongst other things but love to write.
I should have just calmly tapped the snooze button. Gawd dangit, think before doing stuff would be logical but * can't. Loud noises startle me.
I panic when I hear loud noises.Full-on panic
Before I know it, I'm looking around for danger, picking up the nearest object, and chunking it across the room or at somebody.
I can't help it people just need to know around me be prepared to duck.
Traumatic brain injury.Brain damage it sucks. The feeling knowing I was some body. I was working at Metal G
finishing Company before my mental break. I was around so many chemicals without a mask in the NDT department and dipped my hands in different type of acids. I did the job of at least three people and the honest to God truth.
My right frontal lobe is basically mush these days, so I am in absolutely no position to call anybody else stupid. But I do because I'm an asshole. Not self-proclaimed. Ive been told that from a few people.
"Oh. My. God."
My hair.
It was horrendous. It looked like I put my finger in a light socket. Took it out and repeated that step.
I had been meaning to either move the mirror away from my bed or move the bed away from the mirror but that would have been extremely hard to do considering I lived in a 94 Fleetwood Bounder. I bought Rosa Parks (thats the RV's name) well because she was sturdy,reliable, and kept on trucking. It took a licking and kept on uh ticking..
But noooo. After throwing myself off the bed and army crawling to the clothes on the floor that just so happened to be dirty.I found both Old Yeller aka alarm clock and the T-shirt I had been missing for a long time.. Wow maybe I am lucky. That thought left my mind quickerthen it entered it.
After sifting through a mountain of dirty undergarments, I finally found that said alarm clock.
Ugh.
Just wow.
Oh...
And there's my shirt.The shirt I had only been looking for, oh, about three weeks. I had searched everywhere for that specific T-shirt. For weeks.
Turns out it had been sitting on it with the dirty clothes the entire time.
I piss myself off.
I really do.
I may need professional assistance in that department.I admit it.
Why was I looking for that shirt in the first place?
Because it's nice and worn in, light and airy, and makes my boobs look pretty good. At my age, I need all the help I can get. It was my old Guns N' Roses tour shirt.Or at least I think it was. I'm no expert on vintage clothing or a Guns-N-Roses guru or anything.
I'm a mediocre fan at best.
And I mean the old Guns N' Roses.Not the new Guns N' Roses.
I remember when they looked like normal people and were at the top of their game.
They were incredible.
I should probably do like one of their songs suggests and practice a little patience.
Yeah, right.
Nowadays, in this millennial era, everybody damn near looks the same.
Between Brazilian butt lifts and face-lifts, all you see is lips and ass everywhere.
I honestly don't understand how anything is left to the imagination anymore.
Back in my day, people are walking around in what would have been considered underwear.
Plastic surgery is one stubborn fad.
Not for me, though.
Of course not.
I'm poor.
I simply can't afford it.
Story of my life.
Would I get a face-lift or butt implants if I could?
Probably.
You got me.
Guilty.
However, my surgeon would need to be at least sixty years old.
Maybe older.
I don't want somebody fresh out of medical school experimenting with my behind.
Speaking of things that drive me crazy...
The residents of my trailer park.
More specifically, the teenagers and young adults who seem to have failed Basic Thinking 101.
Why?
I'll tell you why.
These people somehow lack even the most basic understanding of respect.
At least that's my theory.
Here's my hypothesis.
Somewhere in their minds, they think:
"Hey, let's take a song we don't understand the truth or meaning behind or about and make our car trunk vibrate so hard the neighborhood can hear it three counties away."
The bass is so loud it sounds like somebody locked a jackhammer inside the trunk and left it running. The trunk is preparing for take-off.
It doesn't even sound good.
And contrary to popular belief, it does not make them look cool.
They're freaking crazy.
Right?
Too early.
Too late.
Doesn't matter.
I would and will eat worms if I don't hear a single booming car stereo for one entire week.
One week.
No bass.
No vibrating windows.
No car trunks trying to achieve liftoff.
One week which is seven consecutive days.
And I'll eat worms.
Big fat juicy ones.
Little tiny squirmy ones.
The ones that wiggle,squiggle, or squirm.
Mark my words.
One week 168 hours.