"At home, I used books as doorways to other paradigms. I explored other religions and philosophies, resonating with some and less with others. I delved into piles of occult books and greeted each author like an old friend."— my book, Pan's Girl
This has set me upon a lifelong journey. I have so many fond memories of particular books which have shaped me. What about you?
"They have removed the struggle to find anything. Book store owners and record store owners used to be oracles, in that way; you'd go in this dusty old place and they might point you toward something that would change your life. All that's gone."~Tom Waits
Now everything is on the internet. The struggle to find that rare book, that new album, or some other treasure is gone. You can just Google it or easily find it on Ebay. It was oftentimes the struggle that gave it value. The time spent searching for it added to the thrill. And, yes, you might have even discovered something life-changing. That was a real reward.
In the late 1980's, I remember flipping through rows of records, excited to find something new from the "import" section. Or I spent hours with catalogs, trying to find books that neither my library nor bookstore carried. I'd be amazed at all these treasures that I didn't know existed and I dreamed that I could one day afford a few of them. Even if I couldn't, I loved that they existed. To my joy, I'd occasionally order a strange title through the mail, and after waiting weeks to get it, I'd find a quiet space in which to explore this mysterious tome that took my breath away. It told me that there was more to the world than I had ever fathomed. And that felt awesome.
"Once you find your treasure, the path to get there loses its importance."
― Bert McCoy, A Lil' Bert Can't Hurt: Words and Wisdom for Daily Life
Don't forget. Remember what it took to get there....I still think back on the fun of searching and seeking something out. Anything.
Back then, I enjoyed going into the woods, to explore nature and all its beauty.
"Decades ago, my older sister used to take me hiking with her on trails through the woods. Branches blocked out the sun to provide cool shade. Dirt paths wound around trickling creeks and ancient roots of fallen trees provided overhangs, concealing snakes and small mammals. Here, we felt connected to our foundation...earth. Dried leaves crushing under our sneakers sent furry creatures scattering up pine trees or into burrows. Up ahead in the distance, I longed to see something staring back at me. The space was empty." — From my book Pan's Girl
What was I hoping to find? Mythical creatures? A white rabbit? I always hoped there was something wondrous waiting for me. In a way, there was, as I pretended there were layers and layers of mystery swirling around me, and perhaps I was only reaching the outermost level. That meant that so much more was still out there in the woods, waiting to be found...I didn't have to see it. I simply was happy imagining that it was just a possibility away.
"One of my favorite places is Seashore State Park (now called First Landing Park). When I first walked along the sandy paths or across crude wooden bridges as a child, I stared up at the stringy gray moss hanging from the trees, while the green swamps made me feel like I was on a spooky otherworldly planet, yet it somehow felt like home. Places like this made me feel that magick and Pan were alive and afoot." —Pan's Girl
I guess I always wanted to find some sort of treasure. That could be a pretty rock or just a memory of an experience....
"Finding Your Buried Treasure
A child's dream,
To find a cache of gold coins
Buried in the basement
Of your family's home.
An old man's dream,
To find the child
who believed in buried treasure."
― Donald T Iannone
Treasure is still waiting to be found, just like in the dusty oracles from the past. It doesn't matter whether or not what you long for is obtainable, just that it is possible. So maybe, it is.
We might not have those dusty bins to sort through anymore. But we can carry that feeling with us...and it will surely lead us to new ways of seeking...and sometimes finding what we know is there, but can't yet see or touch...until the time is right or the layers are traversed...somehow.
And I admit. There might have been a few experiences that surpassed my expectations, with things not easily explained. That just leads to new searching and it never ends.