Dreama’s Diary–September 1
Henry once cheated on me. I didn’t need to be told–I knew. Maybe it was the way he peered into my eyes seeking forgiveness or maybe it was just shame. I confronted him and he was honest. He told me that he had done it with a coworker named Sherry. She drank too many Fuzzy Navels at a Christmans party that he attended with his buddies from work. She was loud, crude and teasing. She kept sitting on his lap, and her black mini skirt kept hiking up. In my mind, I can see Henry resisting. He probably told her they both had too much to drink.
When it was time to leave, she begged him to give her a ride home. Henry did. Maybe he knew where it would lead. Maybe he didn’t. I’m sure it was those bare thighs that enticed him as she rose on the passenger side. She giggled as she pawed at him, trying to kiss his neck and his ear. Even though he protested, she whispered that she wasn’t wearing any panties. I’m sure that tempted him. He certainly wasn’t her pimply face or her greasy hair. I don’t know he could have done it. He said it was fast, over in a minute.
I have no reason to be jealous of someone on that level. It infuriated me at the time, but not anymore. She was nothing. In fact, he should have been embarrassed. I don’t ever want to be someone’s sleazy one-night stand. Do I?
It is in the past. Henry begged me to forgive me. I said I could. I’m trying to! But now I go to Henry’s work parties. I look for Sherry. For some reason, she is afraid of me. That’s the power of guilt. I’m not sure that I want to wear its harness. I have two different routes waiting for me. One that never includes Stefan and the one that does. And as I peer into the future, I’m afraid to face that choice. Leave me here, caged in my fear, and let the ruins speak of my dismay. A Sybil, afraid to leave the safety of the temple, I ponder life, but never live it. I sling further into the darkness. My body, pale from the lack of sunlight, grieves for its lover.