In the weeks that followed, De refused to allow her to be alone for more than an hour. He did not trust that she would not try to pull another stunt like she had the night of the funeral.
It was just after two in the afternoon. Jeff was keeping an eye on her while De went to run errands. He had only stepped into the bathroom for a moment to relieve himself when a knock came to the door.
Charlie lifted herself from the sofa to answer. It was a delivery service with a special order for her. She slowly signed for the package, holding it in her hand; she shut the door. Jeff came out asking what was up. “Just a delivery for me.” She was looking at the package with curiosity. “I don’t recall ordering anything.”
She sat back down, still holding the box. Carefully prying the tape off, unfolding the flaps, she began rummaging. Inside, there was a small jewelry box and a card addressed to her. The blue velvet box held her attention. Slowly opening it to reveal its contents, there, against a white background, was a heart-shaped locket with a rose vine design. In the center of each rose was a small diamond, just like her wedding ring. Her heart sank further when she opened it to view the picture inside of the two of them.
Her hands began to tremble as she opened the card. Reading: ‘I wanted to make sure I didn’t miss another anniversary. I saw this, thinking how great it would match your band. You are always on my mind, now and forever. I love you, Jim.’
She broke down, crying and unable to catch her breath in between. Jeff tried his best to console her. Charlie flew into a rage, breaking the door on the liquor cabinet. Grabbing as much as she could carry and fled up to her room. Locking herself in, she began her attempt to drown out the memories.
Jeff quickly called for help. De was just pulling up the drive when his phone rang. Running into the house, Jeff showed him what had arrived. Reading the card, then seeing what she had done to the cabinet, they flew up after her.
De was banging on the door when Brian and Alex showed up. “Charlie, let me in, or I’m busting this fucker down!”
“What the hell happened?” Brian asked. He read when Jeff passed him the card, “Shit. It’s today?”
All of them jumped when a bottle crashed against the door. “Damn it! Open the fucking door!” De yelled.
“Fuck you!” She yelled back from within, as another bottle shattered.
“Enough of this shit.” He said, kicking the door with everything he had. She was sitting next to the window, sucking down another bottle; in her hand, she was still clinging to the locket, its door still open, exposing the picture.
After she drained the bottle in her hand, she threw it at them. While they dodged, she wrenched open another. De began to stomp towards her; Alex stopped him halfway. “Dude, no. Let her get it out of her system. She has to release it, all of it.”
“Or what?” Jeff asked.
Leaning so she would not hear, “She is the only one who knows the combo to the gun safe.”
De’s eyes grew; he understood. “If she was to the point of trying to try carving her way out.”
“Just let her drink it out as I did. We keep a close watch on her, but keep the booze going.” Alex was being blunt.
De caved in and agreed to that plan, knowing there was no other option. “I really don't like this approach, but you're right. What other choice is there?”
Rob and Gabe came in after hearing everything from next door. “What the hell?” Rob asked. No one spoke; they just passed the card over.
All the guys could do was watch as, every day, she would drink herself into a stupor. They did what they could to keep her as sober as possible when the kids would want to see her.
Thanksgiving, she tried her hardest not to have another meltdown, while they all sat around the table at her father’s house. De kept control of her wine glass. Reassuring her that she could go for broke once she was home and away from her babies.
She was like a rock that evening; after a close call when she was tucking in JJ and Izzy for the night, she sat for a bit with little De and Cass to read them a story before she headed back to town.
Charles pulled De and Alex aside. “She is not looking any better. I never thought she would be low this long.”
“We did manage to get her off the binges. She is cooperative when we let her think she is in control.”
“Do what you must; those babies need their mother back.” He ordered.
Christmas, they hoped, would be the rock bottom for her. Not wanting the children to think anything was up, De made sure to get them everything, from their letters to Santa. No one was prepared for the next breakdown that happened Christmas morning when everyone gathered for presents.
There had been a special delivery on the eve. Jillian figured it was something that was delayed getting to De’s on time. When the children opened the boxes addressed to them, Cassidy yelled, “It’s from Daddy!”
Charlie ripped open the one for herself. Inside was a ring, exactly her size. It was silver with a Celtic knot design woven around it. Inside there was an engraving: ‘As our souls are entwined forever’; the little card inside simply said, ‘On our fourth Yule as a family. I love you more than anything. Jim’
She held back the emotion as hard as she could, before crumbling and bolting to her father’s office. Without using a glass, she swallowed down one of the bottles of scotch he had set out. Charles came in, closing the door, while Brian and Andy distracted the kids by wanting to look at all their toys.
“Sweetie, I know you are hurting.” He calmly spoke, “You can’t be doing this in front of the kids every time you receive something like this.”
Slamming the crystal bottle down, “Then what the fuck do you expect me to do? I can’t prepare for surprises that just keep popping up.” She snapped.
“You will not take that tone with me!” He yelled, then he took her hands into his, turning them to look at what she had done to herself four months ago. “I understand; it is hard. You hear him, see him; hell, you probably even catch his scent. But he is gone; you need to find yourself again. Those men out here have been bending over backwards to help you. All you’ve done is push them away. Damn it, Charlene, you have pushed your children away. All those babies want is your love, but you can’t even make it one fucking holiday without some type of display.”
“Daddy, I just can’t. Without him, I can’t.”
“You can and you will. This is what I am putting on your shoulders now. You get this out of your system before your son’s graduation, or else, I will have you committed against your will. Either way, you will be sober and a more functional person. Choice is yours.”
“Daddy?”
“Don’t Daddy me! Now, you calm down and spend this day with your children, or I will have De take you home; but if you leave now, you will not be welcome back here and no more visits.” He opened the door and walked out, leaving her sitting in the chair by the bookcase.
Before stepping back out with the family, she went into the bathroom. Splashing some cold water on her face, she looked into the mirror as she patted her skin with a towel. She had no clue who the woman in the reflection was. Lost, alone, and broken; that was all she saw.
Remembering what her father had just said. She pushed everything down before returning to the festivities. There was stiffness in her wounded shoulder as she held JJ in her arms. De handed her a bottle, sitting down next to her as she held her son.
He picked up the gift she had received; he shook his head in wonder at what else Jim had set up before all this had happened. His train of thought was broken when little De jumped into his lap, showing off the cool toy his Dad had sent him from heaven.
Charlie felt her emotions rise again, but when she caught sight of Charles, she crammed it all back down. She smiled as best she could, given the situation she was now put in.
After a full day, putting the kids to bed before they left for the night. Charlie was just about at her breaking point again. De drove them back into the city. Charlie clenched the box in her hands. She felt a little twinge of pain and let out a groan.
“You doing okay?” He asked.
“No, my shoulder is stiff, and I need a drink.”
“As soon as we get home, I’ll let you have at it. What was with the closed doors?”
“Nothing, just got a lot of thinking to do.” She looked out of the window, watching the lights glittering on the horizon as they peeked over the hill leading into town.
Charlie decided on New Year’s Eve she would begin the painful process of finally letting go. At midnight, when the guys cheered along with the crowd on the television, Charlie walked into the kitchen and poured her drink down the drain.
She passed De, heading towards the stairs. “Are you alright?” He asked.
“Yeah, I think I am going to bed. You all have fun.” She softly smiled, then headed to her room. Sitting up in bed for a bit, waiting for sleep to find her. She remembered back on everything, the times she wanted to give up and let go of it all.
She heard Jim’s voice in her head, “You are too strong to give in this easily.”
The next morning, De came over to see how she was doing. His head was pounding from all they had drunk the night before. He was trying to open a bottle of aspirin when Jose entered the kitchen. “Is she up yet?” De asked him.
“I haven’t seen her. She wasn’t answering her door a few minutes ago. Figured I would let her sleep a little longer.”
Popping the pills into his mouth, he headed up to check on her himself. Knocking softly at first, “Charlie? You up?” When she didn't answer, he yelled for Jose. Opening the door as he arrived, they found the room empty. Her bed was perfectly made, as if she had never slept in it. He checked the bathroom. “Charlie!” Panic began to flow through him. He pulled his phone out and began making calls, while barking orders to search the house.
By the time the others had made it over, De was almost sick with worry. She was not in the house. Everything was in place; the vehicles were still in the garage. That was when Alex asked, “Did ya look above the garage?”
“No, I didn’t think that she would go up there. It is only where Jim had his office.” Following De, they ran up the steps on the side of the garage. Reaching the door, he could hear something that sounded like someone grunting.
Flinging the door open, he stepped in. Not seeing anyone in the main area where Jim’s desk and computer sat. Everything was coated with a light film of dust. The bookcase on the wall appeared to have been ransacked. Everything was thrown into a pile next to the lamp. The grunting began again.
“Charlie?” He called out.
“In here!” She called back.
Breathing out his relief, he and the boys made their way towards the other room. They found her, wearing one of her workout tops and a pair of shorts. She was barefoot with her hands wrapped in sports tape. She was all sweaty from kicking and punching at the large boxing bag which hung from the ceiling. She did not allow their presence to interrupt her task at hand. She kept punching and kicking at the bag as if it could fight back.
“How long have you been out here?” Alex asked.
She turned, facing the group. “I went for a run at 0400, then I've been up here since I got back. Why, what time is it?”
“Sweetie, it is 1400,” Brian explained.
“Really? Wow, I hadn’t noticed.” She returned to beating up the bag.
De’s frustration reached its breaking point. “Charlie!”
“What?” She spun back around, frustrated.
“We’ve been worried sick, trying to find you. And what the hell did you do out there?” He motioned towards Jim’s office.
“Well, when I got back from my run. I had a crazy thought that he may have left me something up here. So, I was looking for it.” Again, she returned to what she was doing.
“Did you find anything?” He grew sarcastic.
“Yep. I found a few journals. All these years, he wrote down everything. I set them over there; I am gonna read them when I am done here.” She pointed to a small pile of books sitting on the weight bench.
She began removing the wrap from her hands, and then picked up a towel and started soaking the sweat off her body. She walked over to the wall that held a case. Opening the doors, Rob inhaled deeply when he saw all the staves and swords contained inside.
She removed two long staves. Walking over to the group, she tossed one into Alex’s hand. With an evil grin, “Come on, little man; let’s see if you still got it.”
“Charlie, I don’t think we should.” Alex hesitated.
De then yanked it from his grasp. “You want to take a piece of someone? Try me then.” He barked, kicking off his shoes.
“Alright then, old man.” She took her starting position as he came at her.
He took a hard swing, not holding back. She dodged and whipped him across the back of his leg. He skipped a bit, setting himself back into a defensive stance. Spinning her staff, she took her chance. Wood cracked against wood; the sound echoed through the room. She saw an opening in his defenses; with one quick swipe, she knocked him off his feet.
“What’s the matter? You getting too old for this?” She mocked him.
“Fuck you, Charlie.” He tripped her when she danced by. Jumping up, he aimed the end of his staff into her face.
Using hers to knock it away, she stood back up. “Come on then. You want me to release it all. Let's see what you can handle.” She moved back to her original position.
Jose leaned over to Jeff, “Is it like totally wrong that I am getting turned on by this?”
Jay heard and answered, “I’m gonna need a cold shower in a minute.” Alex was just shaking his head at the sight. He then held his breath when De began to charge at her.
She vaulted herself over his head, and then held her staff up right. She used it to swing around and kick him down from behind. Josh and Sean both then made the need for a cold shower comment. Rob told them all to can it, as they watched her get the better of De.
De regained his footing, then without a second of hesitation, he took a wide swing as she came back around. Making contact with her left side, he knocked the wind out of her as she landed on the floor. Standing above her, he peered over her, asking if she was alright.
She looked at him, smiled, kicked up her legs; she caught a hold of him by the neck. She then flipped him over onto his back, pinning him by the neck between her legs. That was the final straw for the guys who, including Alex, all said they were in need of a cold shower.
“Gotcha, old man.” She beamed.
“Get off!” He barked. Rubbing out the pain he was now feeling, “How in the hell did you do that?”
“I have been working out up here with…” Her mood suddenly changed. Realizing what had just happened, she grabbed the books before shoving past the group. Making her way back into the house, she quickly went up to her room.
Stripping off her sweaty clothes, she jumped into the shower, hoping it would help wash away her racing thoughts.
De limped his way back across the yard as the guys were making jabs at him for losing to a girl. “Fuck you guys. Did you see where she took off to?”
Alex ran upstairs to check for her. She was just stepping out of the shower, wrapping a towel around her naked body, when he stepped into the room seeing that she hadn't closed the door.
Quickly, he spun away. “Uh, Charlie?” He asked.
“Yeah?”
“Um? Are you alright?”
“You can turn around, not like you haven’t seen it all before. I am fine. Just lost control a bit. Needed to clear my head.”
De stepped in, not caring how she was. “You sure fucking cleared my head.”
“Sorry, but you asked for it.” She smiled, pulling her robe on.
“How much have you drunk today?” Alex asked.
She tilted her head, looked into his eyes, “Not a drop.” She picked up the books from the bed, settling herself onto the seat by the window. “Please, can I be alone for a bit?”
The next few weeks, they all thought she was beginning to come back to them. She kept her drinking to a little wine at dinner; the rest of the time was tea, water, or juice. De was finally trusting her self-control enough to leave her alone more and more. She made a great effort to go out to the valley to see the children. Charles even said to De that she was looking to be on the mend.
For the first time in six months, Charlie was sitting alone on the sofa, still in her bathrobe. Reading the passages from one of Jim’s journals when there was a knock at the door. Marking her place, she went to see who it could be.
Cautiously, she opened the door to be greeted by a delivery driver. Quickly, she signed, took the package, and was just about to close the door when the driver said, “Happy Valentine’s Day.”
Upon that realization, she ripped the package open. Inside was a wooden box with a Celtic triquetra design. Pulling it out, she sat back onto the sofa, studying its glossy lid. Her heart sank; emotions began to boil up; she slowly opened it. Peering inside, she found another gift. The contents were those of a new altar kit. Everything she would need was contained in that one box. Including a card from him.
Her eyes began overflowing with tears. She read: ‘Babe, I thought hard about what I should get you. Since you have given so much to me. Every day that I am gone, I miss you more than you can ever know. You know how everything works. I knew this would give you peace until we are together again. Always and Forever, Jim.
Everything came flooding back. Her entire body exploded with anger and sadness. Her muscles began to tremble as she ran towards the liquor cabinet. Grabbing the first thing she put her hand on, she swallowed the contents as fast as she could. When that was empty, she grabbed another and another, falling to the floor, crying uncontrollably.
De returned home after meeting with Charles and Joe at the office. Stepping through the front door, Jay told him he had a delivery waiting for him in his room. De quickly ran up, wanting to change clothes before he went next door to see how Charlie was doing.
There was a large envelope lying on his bed. With no return address, he carefully opened the seal. A letter along with another sealed envelope was contained inside.
He began reading the letter: ‘De, you know that I have always loved you like a brother, and if you are reading this, something must have happened to me. After everything we have gone through together, you have always stood by my side. You know that I never loved anyone like I do Charlie, and yeah, when you told me how you felt about her, I did get upset, but I couldn’t be mad. I knew it would mean that if I should be gone from her life, then you would be the one to step up and help her get through it all. I wouldn’t want it any other way. Enclosed in the envelope, you will find a lab report. I want to make it clear that I love my wife and children, but when I held them in my arms for the first time, while Charlie was in the coma, there was a spark of doubt that festered. I had a paternity test done on Cassidy and Dietrich. While I waited for the results to come back, I made the decision and knew that no matter what. As long as they were a part of her, I would love them. Now, this is the hardest thing I will ever have to say to you, and I know I should have said it before now. You need to hear this from me. They are yours, not mine. I know you may feel confused, but tests don’t lie. Charlie doesn’t know; I will leave that up to you if you want to tell her. I wish all of this had turned out differently. Please, take care of my family. Give Charlie everything I am now unable to. Remember, she has always been the light that shone into our lives. Jim.’
His hands began to tremble from this blow. He was not sure what to think or how to feel. The only thing he was certain of was that he needed to see her. She had to read this and talk about what it all means.
Tucking the letter and envelope into his pocket, he ran out of the room. Running down the stairs, he passed the guys. Jose called out, “Hey, where are you off to in such a hurry? Charlie, alright?”
“I’m sure she’s fine. Just needed to ask her something important is all. I will let you know if there is any trouble.” He was out the front door.
When he reached the end of the drive, he realized he needed to calm down and focus. Taking deep breaths, he walked up her driveway. When he reached the door, he knocked before allowing himself entry.
“Hey, Charlie?” He called out, receiving no answer. He noticed the liquor cabinet had been almost emptied. He was just about to call out for her again when he saw the wooden box sitting on the sofa. Picking up the card, his heart sank. “Oh, shit.”
Running up the stairs, he heard glass shattering. “Charlie!” He yelled, running down the hall towards her bedroom. He didn’t bother to knock; he barged his way in. Seeing her sitting on the floor in front of the bed. Empty and broken bottles littered the room.
“Oh, hi there.” She drunkenly giggled.
“Why does this keep happening?” He said, picking her up from the floor. Supporting her against him, he led her into the bathroom. Turning the shower on, “Come on, you need to hose off and sober up.”
Her body leaned into him further. Causing him to almost get in with her. The cold water sent a chill over him. She began to fight and protest, “Turn that fucking thing off.”
“Not until you sober your ass up.” He held a tight grip on her waist.
She pushed against him, and then unexpectedly she began kissing him passionately. “Please.” She begged, unbuttoning his shirt, then pressing her lips to his skin.
“No, Char, we can’t.” He tried to get her to see.
“I need to feel something, please. Help me feel something again.” She begged, undoing his pants, pushing them down.
He was trying to step free when they both tumbled out onto the tile. Charlie was on top, still pulling at his clothes. When he thought she had given up, she pulled her robe open, exposing her naked skin to him, causing a burning to flow into him.
“Damn it, Charlie, we can’t do this.” He demanded just as she finally got his shirt off. He looked into her eyes; seeing all her sorrow had returned along with a need that was burning. He gave in when she leaned in for another kiss.
Unable to hold back any longer, he let everything go. Letting out a soft, pleasure-filled moan, Charlie slid herself down on him. Sitting himself up against her, he began suckling on her breasts. Sliding his hands up the curve of her back, gently pulling her soaking robe off, exposing the rest of her flesh. While she continued working her hips above him, the chain holding Jim’s tags and ring came tumbling out into view; De’s mind flooded with mixed emotions.
“Charlie.” He spoke as she increased her speed. Seeing the scar that was now formed on her shoulder, he softly kissed the center. Causing her body to quiver from the sensation, she quietly let out a gentle moan.
She was biting her lower lip when he grabbed her by the shoulders and began thrusting himself deeper. He felt his end nearing fast when her muscles began to spasm as they engulfed his hardness. Finally, he released into her; she called out, “Jim!” before collapsing her body against his.
Holding her in his arms, she nestled her head against his chest. He lay back staring at the ceiling, unsure what to do next. In his mind, all his thoughts were of how he had just betrayed his best friend and brother.
Moments had passed when De realized that she was fast asleep. Shivering from the coldness of the tiles, both were still naked from the act they had just committed. Slipping out from under her; carefully lifted her from the floor. He carried her to bed. Laying her down, he pulled the blanket up over her.
Stepping back into the bathroom, finding his clothes were wet. Rummaging, as quietly as he could, through Jim’s drawers, trying to find something that would fit. Then, switching the shower to hot, he jumped in, warming his skin; scrubbing as hard as he could, thinking it would wash the guilt away.
He was drying off when his phone began to buzz. Worried about being caught. He cautiously answered, “Yeah?”
It was Alex on the other end. “Hey, have you checked in on her today?”
“Yeah, I’m with her now; she just lay down for a bit. You guys coming over for dinner?”
“Yeah. Jay said that Andy and Brian headed to grab some takeout. They should be getting there about now.”
Calmly, “Okay, I will see if they need help.” After he hung up, he got dressed as fast as he could and headed downstairs.
When he reached the bottom, he didn’t see that anyone had arrived yet. He was walking towards the door when, from behind, Andy asked, “What the fuck, did she get another gift from him?”
De turned around. “Yeah, Valentine’s. Kind of side-swiped her.”
Brian jumped him. “Why didn’t you call us? Look what she fucking did. Alex sounded pissed when I called him.” He said, pointing out a couple of broken bottles and the partially emptied cabinet.
“That’s nothing; it is worse up there.” He pointed up the steps. Brian started to head up. “Let her sleep it off. It took me a bit to calm her enough to lie down. I will go check on her when everyone gets here and explain why I didn’t call.”
Alex was flying in the front door, with the others hot on his heels. “What the fuck, De? You told me she was fine and resting; you said nothing about the drinking binge of the century.”
“Calm down, I handled it.” He held up the gift she had received. “I wish I knew if we should be expecting any more. They keep showing up, like he is still alive. She flipped out a bit; I talked her down, and now she is sleeping it off.”
“Dude, she damn near emptied every bottle that was left in the cabinet,” Jose mentioned.
Alex gave him a dirty look. De took the defensive, “You were the one who said, ' Let her get it out of her system. Drunken stupor like you did. Not my fault she has a hollow body that can drink rivers dry.”
Jeff jumped between them. “Let’s clean this up before she wakes up. What did she do up there?”
“Same as here; I will take care of it when I check in on her,” De said, doing everything he could not to let them find out what happened.
Everyone was in the kitchen getting ready to eat when Charlie crept in. “What’s for dinner?” She asked, giving them all a start. De turned as she flowed past, wearing her yellow sundress. When their eyes met, he could still see that little fire burning.
“How are you feeling?” He asked with concern.
“Better now that I puked my guts out; brushed my teeth, took a shower, and now I am starving.” She went further into the kitchen to begin fixing herself some tea.
De grabbed Alex. “Hey, while she is distracted, I’m gonna clean the mess up there before she realizes.”
“Hurry, she might notice if you are gone too long.” He answered as De bolted off.
Entering the room, he started picking up as much of the broken glass as he could. Every empty bottle was quietly placed into the trash can he had with him. He noticed his wet clothes on the floor in the bathroom; his mind flashed to them in their tight embrace. He dove in, hearing voices coming down the hall. Grabbing the pile of wetness up, he quickly pulled out the stuff from his pockets and tossed them into the hamper next to the tub.
“Shit, this is where the rest of it ended up,” Jose said. He was soon joined by Sean.
Sean smiled as De spun around almost in a panic. “Dude, it’s just us. She thought you would need the vacuum. Said to tell you sorry for making a mess of everything.”
“Thanks. She flooded the bathroom too. Can you run and grab some more towels or a mop?”
During dinner, Charlie ate very little. Sipping mostly from her teacup. When she was offered some wine or a beer, she wrinkled her nose and said no. “I think I have had enough for a while. I just wish I knew what was running through that man’s head before all this shit happened.” She said of today’s unexpected gift.
“Never could with him, you know. He sometimes kept things in, like you tend to do.” De said.
“I was reading an entry in one of his journals. He said after he had poured himself into work and had forgotten those anniversaries, he wasn’t going to take a chance on forgetting anything else.”
“That explains the gifts, then. He was prepared to be gone when he arranged that.” Brian said, and then realized what he said when she looked at him with sadness in her eyes, “I mean, working gone. Not this. Shit, I fucked that up.”
Taking another sip, “Don’t stress, I am getting used to things getting fucked.” She flashed De a look, causing him to straighten up in his seat.
Alex then announced some good news, “I got a call today, from Virginia.”
Charlie’s eyes lit up. “When are they coming, for how long?”
“They will be here tomorrow morning, for two weeks.” Charlie finally allowed a smile to form on her face.
Catching Rob’s attention, “There it is. I thought you lost that too. Nice to see those muscles are still working.” He winked at her.
Later that night, everyone said their goodnights to Charlie; only after she had spent the last hour reassuring them she was fine was she done with the booze for now. De and Alex stayed behind to finish cleaning up.
“Alex, I need to tell Charlie something.” He took a deep breath. “And I don’t know how she is going to take it.”
“What could you possibly say to push her over another cliff?” He asked. Making sure they were alone, he pulled out the letter he received from Jim, handing it over; Alex read. Looking up at De, “Are you shitting me?”
De held up the envelope that came with it. “She needs to know.”
“Is that why you were here earlier? You came over to confront her about this?”
“Well, that was the plan, until I found her drunker than a skunk and…”
“And what, De? Did you two?” He demanded. De only shrugged. “Christ, De. What the fuck were you thinking? If the guys find out about this, it could be worse than when you found out about the two of them the first time. How serious are you planning to take this?”
“I have no fucking clue what I am doing right now. She was hurting, I was confused; it just happened. But she needs to see this.” He flapped the envelope in the air.
“See what?” Charlie asked, walking past them, heading towards the stove to start another cup of tea. “What do I need to see?”
His chest tightened. “Charlie, please sit down. I really don’t want to have to pick you up from the floor again today.” She nodded, sitting down at the table. Alex jumped into the kitchen to finish making her tea.
De sat down, gazing deeply into her eyes; he took her hand into his. “You were not the only one who got a surprise from the grave today. I got this letter from him; my mind is screaming not to show you this, but my heart is saying not to keep any secrets from you. So, here: read this.” She took the letter from his hand. Sitting back, she began to read.
De reached out to her when her hands began to tremble. She pulled away from him; she continued reading. Tears began to fall when she looked up. “Why didn’t he say anything about this to me? I didn’t need to know he wasn’t their father; he tells you before me? How is that fair?”
“Like you told me about Ace?” Alex jumped her. “Eleven years, I never knew that I fathered a child. What was fair about that?”
“Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. If he had any doubts, I just don’t understand why he hadn’t said anything. Maybe things wouldn’t be so awkward like they are now.”
De raised his eyebrow. “Awkward? Really, that is what you come up with? I have loved all of your children since they entered this world. I worried right along with him while you were in a coma and when they got sick. Alex was still grieving when he helped you deliver JJ and Izzy. Now this is awkward, even after…” He cut himself off, taking a deep breath.
Alex took that as a cue to leave them alone. “Look, you two talk or whatever you need to hash this out. But at some point those kids are at least going to need their mother back. I will let the guys know you are keeping an eye on her tonight and to only call if they need something. I will keep my mouth shut about this, for now.”
After he was gone, Charlie stood from the table; she reached up the door frame for the key to Jim’s beer fridge. Feeling along the length, “De, give me the fucking key.”
“No.” He responded angrily from his seat.
Whipping around to look at him, “What? Why not?”
“I am cutting you off. Shit, you tried to empty an entire cabinet already. You really want to go down that road again today?”
“What is it to you? I am a grown-up.”
Jumping up, knocking the chair to the floor, “Then fucking act like one! Just because you get a gift, some bad news; what the fuck ever. You don’t need to bury yourself inside a bottle; you may never be able to pull yourself out of.”
“You have no idea what I am capable of; what I have been through!”
He moved towards her. “All you have shown anyone lately is that you are capable of drowning yourself numb! You think you are the only one who lost someone they cared about? He was my family too, damn it!”
She began pounding her fists on his chest. “You could not possibly know how this feels. To love someone so much, then watch them slip away right in front of you!”
Grabbing her arms, “I have had to watch it every day since you gave yourself to him! Seeing how happy you both made each other. Having to pretend it didn’t bother me. Well, guess what it did; I even told him so.”
“What? How could you have told him something like that, when?” She pulled away.
He spun around, slapping the wall. “That night after Mishel had drugged him and the two of you…”
“Beat the shit out of one another. I remember, but I was lying in bed with him that night.”
“You were asleep. I couldn’t hold in how I was feeling any longer.”
Charlie felt her legs begin to give way. She reached out for a chair. “I thought I was dreaming that; I heard everything you said.” She looked at him. “Is that why you came over earlier? The reason behind us…”
“Hey, now.” Putting his hands up in cautious surrender. “You were the one pulling off my clothes; I was only trying to get you to sober up. I honestly had no intention of crossing that line.”
“Why did you then?”
“I couldn’t stand to see you hurting any longer. I just wanted you back to your ol’ self again. I wish I could trade places with him, but I can’t. Fate chose how this was all going to play out.” He walked out to the front room.
She chased him; he was just reaching to open the front door. Grabbing him by his arm, she pulled hard to turn him to look at her, placing her hands to his face. She brought him to her, kissing him with the same passion she had given Jim for so many years.
Feeling everything overflowing inside him. De forced his passion for her to the surface. Unable to control himself, he lifted her from the floor. Wrapping her legs around him, she held him tight; he turned, forcing her back against the door while they kissed frantically.
He was kissing along her neck as she tugged at his shirt, trying to pull it over his head. They slowly slid down to the floor; there he unbuttoned the top of her dress. Exposing one of her breasts to him, he kissed and suckled it softly.
She began running her fingers through his hair before she found her way down. She tugged on his belt, pushing his pants down as he tore her panties off. His heart raced; she began breathing heavily.
He felt her muscles tense when he entered her, causing her to let out a soft moan, which encouraged him even more. With a slow and steady rhythm, he did not want this moment with her to end too quickly. She was giving herself freely to him, and he wanted to make sure she felt how much he loved her too.
Running her hands along his side, she gripped his hips tightly as he thrust into her. Digging her fingers into him, she felt her body begin to float. He welcomed the pain that kept his pace. She opened her eyes for a minute, locking into his gaze before feeling another pleasure-filled pulse shoot through.
He noticed tears creep from the corners of her eyes. Lovingly, he lowered down, kissing them away; then his lips caressed her cheek. When her legs tightened, he looked to see that she was biting her lip hard. “Char?” He grunted.
“Yes!” She called out. He thrust harder and faster, feeling himself about to explode. “Oh, God! De!” She cried, digging in deeper.
He let go of everything he had been holding back all these years. With one hard, deep thrust, it all released. He began giving her slow, soft wet kisses; their bodies remained tense. Pressing his lips to her neck, then working down to her scarred shoulder, waiting until she released her hold on him.
She held his gaze when she let go, and he began pulling away. Rolling onto his back next to her. They stared up at the ceiling, trying to catch their breath. He propped onto his side, seeing the tears falling freely from her eyes.
“Char?”
“Sorry.” She tried wiping them away.
“It's fine, I can’t be mad over a few tears. Will you tell me what is running through your mind?”
“I wish I knew. Just feeling a bit confused and guilty, I think.” She cried.
“It’s going to be alright. I will do whatever you tell me; all you have to do is ask. If you want me to leave and never come back, then I will go. I only want you to be happy again.”
She rolled towards him. Placing her hand on his chest, she could feel his heart still beating hard and fast. “It was all my fault. If I had done something different, he would still be here.”
“You can’t blame yourself for what that fucker did to you, to all of us. What could you have possibly done differently that would have changed what happened?”
“For one, I could have just let them send me to the women’s prison instead of joining the teams. Not given in to my emotions and spent that first night with Jim in Seoul. Even breaking with the tradition of the night before a mission and not making love to him before we left for Zurich. Shit, I don’t know.”
Taking her into his arms, “How could any of that have been your fault? At some point in our life, our paths were bound to cross, whether it was sooner or later. We just have to be thankful for the time we have when we get it.”
“I suppose you’re right.” She curled closer to him. “Will you stay with me tonight? I don’t like sleeping up there alone.” He nodded, then followed her towards the stairs. He turned the lights off before making his way behind her.