PROLOGUE
"Regret is a tough but fair teacher. To live without regret is to believe you have nothing to learn, no amends to make, and no opportunity to be braver with your life."
Brené Brown
Megan's black dress clung to her slender frame, the soft fabric billowing around her legs as a gentle breeze swept through the cemetery. She remained motionless, her heart heavy with a void deeper and more profound than any sorrow she had ever endured, even greater than the anguish she felt when her parents were tragically taken from her.
Shielded by the lenses of her dark sunglasses, she discreetly studied the mourners who had gathered around the freshly dug grave. These were the people she had spent years cultivating relationships with, investing her heart and soul into their world, striving to become an integral part of their inner circle. But now, as she gazed upon them, she couldn't help but wonder who they really were.
She told herself that Blake, her cherished husband, had been the reason she had fought so tirelessly to ascend the social ladder of society. Now, with him forever lost to her, she couldn't fathom the purpose of it all. The countless hours spent attending lavish parties, forging alliances, and winning the approval of these strangers suddenly seemed utterly futile.
As she stood alone beside the cold, damp earth that would soon smother her husband's remains, a sense of hollowness consumed her. Her life, once filled with so much ambition and purpose, now felt devoid of meaning. The friends she had once cherished, the world she had fought so hard to belong to, seemed to dissolve into nothingness as she realized she’d lost the one person who had truly mattered.
In that moment, Megan realized she was not only grieving for Blake, but also for the life they had built together, and the dreams that would never come to pass. The irrevocable alteration of her future's landscape caused her to question everything she had known and to ponder what lay ahead in the unfamiliar terrain of her existence without him.
Flanked on both sides by Gabrielle and Julia, her two best friends from college and the only mourners here she could now relate to, she motioned to them that she was ready to go, and they returned toward the black limo that awaited them without a backward glance.
CHAPTER ONE
"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."
–Friedrich Nietzsche
As Megan's eyelids fluttered open, she momentarily believed the entire experience had been a surreal dream. In this illusion, she wasn't alone, her husband was still alive, and the exposure of his secret existence hadn't shattered her world. Grant me this daydream, if only for an instant, she implored soundlessly, even if I know it's not real. I don't think I can muster the strength to leave this bed if I can't pretend it isn't true.
She had always heard that life could change in the blink of an eye and perhaps had even uttered the phrase herself occasionally. But now, she was living the harsh truth of that statement. She found herself trapped in the nightmare of a new, unforgiving reality. With the rug yanked out from beneath her, she had a sense that the floor, the foundation, and the very earth that had once seemed so solid and reliable were gone as well.
What am I going to do? she wondered, her thoughts racing. What. The. Hell. Am. I. Going. To. Do? As she stared blankly at the ceiling, tears escaped from the corners of her eyes. The tray ceiling, a once familiar and comforting sight, now transported her to a memory from the not-so-distant past.
"Blake, you don't have the vision I have. I'm telling you, having the ceiling faux painted will make this room."
They had been arguing about the ceiling since dinner the night before. Megan had gone to her gynecologist's office in the fancy new medical development, and she had fallen in love with the tray ceiling in their waiting area. In fact, she loved it so much she photographed it with her iPhone. She just had to have it.
"Megan, the ceiling is fine the way it is," Blake argued. "It's a ceiling, for heaven's sake. No one even looks at the ceiling. In fact, no one even comes into this room besides us. Why would we spend a thousand dollars for texture and faux painting on something no one even sees?"
"I look at it," she purred. "Every time you make love to me." As she wrapped her arms around his neck and whispered in his ear, she knew she had him. She always got her way, eventually. She just had to choose the right buttons to push.
Megan shook her head, baffled by the seemingly irrelevant past dominating her thoughts. Why was she fixating on the ceiling while engulfed in chaos? She had buried her husband merely days prior, and only yesterday, she discovered his secret life, complete with a second wife and a whole family. A son. Blake had a son. Remaining in bed, the weight of the past bore down on her, dragging her back into its clutches.
"Megan, I don't understand. How can you not want children?" Blake asked.
"Don't get angry with me, Blake. It isn't like I lied to you. I have never wanted children. It isn't my fault if you assumed I did."
Blake's jaws clenched as he stared at the floor, body tense from head to toe. Megan had never seen him like this before. He normally gave in to her wishes so easily. She was unaccustomed to not winning him over to her point of view. She knew it was only a matter of time, though, and he would come around.
Apparently not, she thought to herself. While she assumed he had come around to her way of thinking in the kid department, he was off making one with someone else.
Megan buried her face in one pillow while clutching another tightly, her body wracked with sobs that bordered on choking. The sort of tearful outburst she and her friends would have jokingly referred to as an "ugly cry."
"How could he do this to me?" she screamed into the vacant room.
Megan was unaware of how much time had elapsed when the phone rang.
"Hello?" she snapped into the receiver.
"Megs, it's Mindy. I just spoke to Kim. I can't believe it!"
"Tell me about it," Megan replied. "How could he do this? While I was being a loyal wife, playing the perfect hostess for his clients, and taking care of our home during his travels, he was out cheating on me with someone else."
"I know, sweetie, I know. You didn't deserve this. I can't believe Blake was such a jerk. I never thought he had it in him."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, you know, Megs. It's no secret everyone thought he was whipped."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Megan demanded, her voice rising. "And who exactly is 'everyone'?"
Mindy backtracked hastily. "I mean the guys, sweetie. Blake's buddies. You know how they are. Get them together, hand them a couple of beers, and suddenly we're the enemy."
Megan shook her head. "I've got to go, Mindy."
"Megs—"
But it was too late. Megan had already slammed down the phone. As an ultimate gesture, she unplugged it. She was in no mood to deal with any more idiots today.
She sat on the edge of the bed, pondering whether she would bother getting dressed, when her cell phone rang. She hadn't thought to turn it off when she unplugged the house phone earlier.
"Megan, I heard from Mrs. Hart's attorney."
"I am Mrs. Hart, Raymond. Please never refer to that other woman that way again."
He cleared his throat. "Right. Sorry. Tabitha's attorney called. As you know, Tabitha didn't learn of Blake's accident until after the funeral. She's very upset."
Megan broke in. "Are you expressing sympathy for that woman, Raymond?" she spat through clenched teeth. "That woman stole my husband! Whose attorney are you, anyway?"
"Megan, in fairness, she didn't know you existed any more than you knew she existed. She's just as much a victim as you are."
"So she says."
"Why would she marry someone who's already married?"
"Why does anyone do anything, Raymond? Money. It's always about money."
Maybe in your world, Raymond thought. Out loud, he replied, "Well, I guess we'll never know for sure. Bottom line is, she wants her share of the estate."
"See?!" Megan shrieked. "That witch will not get one cent. Not one! Do you hear me, Raymond? That marriage wasn't even legal! She doesn't have a leg to stand on!"
"You may be right about the marriage, Megan, but his son is his son, regardless of whether Blake was legally married to his mother. I've checked his policy and his 401k beneficiary designations—they've been changed. The funds from both are split 50/50 between you and his son."
"How do we even know the kid is really Blake's son? The whole thing could be a hoax! I want a paternity test!"
"Megan, the boy just lost his father. Do you really want to put them through that? As I told you yesterday, I checked Tabitha's story out before I even came to you with it. She's legit."
"Whatever, Raymond. I am not letting this go without a fight. You're my attorney, and I expect you to do everything you can to keep that gold digger from getting her claws on my money."
"If that's what you want. There are some other things we need to talk about too, Megan."
"What now?"
"You really need to come in to the office. Can you stop by around three?"
"What do you have to tell me that you can't tell me over the phone?"
"Megan, please. For once in your life, can you just do as you're asked without an argument?"
Megan felt as though he'd just punched her in the gut. How could he say something like that, insinuating that she was a difficult person? Raymond had known her since she was little, and she'd always been a good girl.
At the silence, Raymond felt contrite. Speaking more kindly, he said, "Just come in at three, Meg, okay?"
"Okay," she whispered. She hung up and turned off her cell phone before burying her face into her pillow.
Raymond shook his head as the call ended. Some days, he hated his job.
Raymond looked across his expansive desk at the slim, quiet figure sitting before him. Hands folded in her lap, a tissue clenched between her fingers, Megan looked more like the little girl he remembered than the tough woman she had become. He wondered what had caused her to become so hard. He'd known her since she was a toddler, attending the same church and seeing her grow into a beautiful young woman. She'd been such a sweet thing back then, always obedient, never known to give her parents any trouble.
Megan met Blake while they were in college, and they seemed genuinely happy together. He recalled the first time she brought him home from Gainesville to introduce him to her parents. Raymond met Blake when Megan brought him to church with her, and he found him to be well-mannered and clearly smitten with young Megs. They married right after college, and Raymond and his wife, Beverly, attended the ceremony. He remembered Beverly expressing concern that they were marrying too young, but he believed she was being overly cautious. Bev had always taken a special interest in Megan, particularly after Megan's parents tragically passed away in an accident shortly after her wedding.
He wished Bev were here now. She would guide him on how to handle the situation with Megan and support her as best as possible. Beverly had been gone five years now, and he still longed for his best friend every day. Knowing they would be together again someday was the only thing that kept him going.
Megan broke the silence. "What is it you have to tell me that you couldn't tell me over the phone?" Her question showed little emotion, a stark contrast to the confident woman he had encountered at Macy's just days before Blake's accident. Raymond had come upon her as she berated a saleswoman who'd made a mistake in selecting a dress size for her. It appalled Megan that the woman could think that she was so "large" as to require a size six. Raymond recalled regretting his approach on the scene and wishing that he could disappear into the worn carpet.
"Well, Megan, I need to talk to you about your finances. Because you've always allowed George and me to communicate openly with each other, he shared some things about your current situation. Even though he's your CPA, he thought it was best if I talk with you about it, being an old family friend and all."
"What about my finances? With our savings, I should be fine. The house and cars are paid for, so I have no major expenses."
"Well, honey, that's the thing. The house isn't paid for. Not anymore. And your savings are gone. Blake's business sales haven't been doing so well the last few years with the economic downturn. He took out a mortgage on the house two years ago."
Megan turned pale. Was there no end to the lies and deception? She had always allowed Blake to manage their finances. What a colossal mistake.
"I can see from the look on your face that you didn't know."
Megan was aghast. "Wait a minute. Did you know?! You knew he did this? And you didn't tell me? Raymond, how could you?" Megan sobbed. "Not you too! Not you!"
She stood up and started to flee the office, but Raymond caught her. He took her by the shoulders, and she crumbled beneath his touch. He led her to the couch and sat her down. "I can't believe you could do this to me, Raymond," she choked.
Raymond handed her a tissue and draped his arm around her shoulder. "I didn't do this to you, sweetie." Megan looked at her hands. "Look at me." He forced her chin up with his hand. "Look at me, Megan. You know me better than that. I didn't know Blake hadn't told you. I suspected, but I didn't know. We talked about it, and he promised he was going to tell you."
"How could he keep something like that from me?" she sobbed.
"He was afraid."
Megan bristled. "Afraid? Afraid of what?" Raymond saw a glimmer of the commanding Megan he knew. He looked at her without response. She was in such a fragile state and had been through so much.
He didn't have the heart to tell her that her own husband was afraid of her.
Megan poured a glass of wine, but she didn't drink it. She sat outside, listening to the waterfall cascade into the pool, and gazed into the darkness. She felt numb and unsure of what to do or how to feel.
This used to be her favorite spot in the spacious home she and Blake had shared. She thought back to the excitement she'd felt when they bought this place, her dream home. But had she ever truly been happy here?
She tried to recall the last time she and Blake had been really, truly happy. When they were first married, they rented a tiny house barely big enough for the two of them. It was only 1200 square feet, with creaky old wood floors and uneven walls, but it had a heated pool and a privacy fence. Oh, the fun they had in that pool. Initially, they would only go skinny dipping after dark with all the lights off, but eventually Blake convinced her that the privacy fence offered enough seclusion, and they stopped waiting for sunset to lose their bathing suits.
Megan realized she was crying again. She hadn't thought about those days in a very long time. What had happened to them? What had happened to her? She couldn't pinpoint when or where the change had occurred, but one thing was certain: She and Blake had never gone skinny dipping in this house. Not that he hadn't tried on many occasions. But eventually, he stopped trying.
Megan wiped the tears from her lip, set down her glass, and looked around. The fence was tall, and she was fairly confident there were no seven-foot-tall neighbors who might see over the top. She slowly stood, pulled off her clothes, and dived into the pool under the moonlight.
She floated for a while, listening to the tree frogs sing. "Better late than never," she told them. "Apparently I won't be here much longer, so at least I finally got one in with my birthday suit before I go."
Raymond had told Megan that he and George had agreed—she would need to sell the house. Even in the current market, she could get enough to pay off the mortgage and support herself for a while until the estate was settled. Since Blake had depleted their savings, the only matters at issue were the life insurance policy and 401k. Raymond told her that Blake had revised the beneficiaries, so that fifty percent went to Megan and fifty percent went to his son. He advised her to accept it, but she stubbornly refused to budge. She wanted him to fight it. He understood she was hurt and angry, but he didn't want her to throw her money away over a futile legal battle. Secretly, he also didn't want to put Tabitha and her son through it, but he didn't share that with Megan.
They had come to a compromise. As Blake's executor, Raymond could stall for a few months. Megan would spend the summer in Destin, in the exclusive golf community of Sandestin. They would revisit the issue when she returned. She insisted she wouldn't change her mind, but Raymond hoped that a bit of time and distance would help heal some wounds and soften her heart. He also hoped that Megan didn't find the skeletons that were waiting in Destin.