“Is something wrong, Payne?” Erica asked. “You seem preoccupied.” Payne and Erica were relaxing on the grounds of the Lyndhurst, taking in the beauty of the naturally landscaped property.
“Nothing, Erica. Just thinking.”
It was Erica and Payne’s first official date. They decided on a tour of the famous mansion. Payne wanted to do something outdoors, but the closest Erica wanted to get to water or the woods was the Lyndhurst’s landscaped gardens. The Gothic home also reminded her of England, which she missed.
“C’mon, Payne. There has to be something wrong. I’ve never seen you moody like this,” Erica said.
“It’s this place. It’s depressing. I wanted to go kayaking.”
“I know,” said Erica, “but can’t you get some friends to go?”
“I want to go with you.”
“I know, but I’m not the outdoors type. We’ll do something outdoors next time.”
Payne looked Erica in the eye. “Is there going to be a next time?”
“Of course, Payne. I really like being with you.”
“Then why did we come here?”
“I thought it would be romantic. But somehow it makes you sad. Why?”
“Doesn’t it remind you of England?”
“Yes. That’s why I wanted to come here. I was a little homesick, that’s all,” Erica said.
“So when are you going back?”
“Oh, I see what this is about. You want to know my plans now that we’re dating. I plan on staying here, Payne.”
“And what about Jeremy? Is that why we came here? Because it reminds you of him?”
“Oh, Payne,” Erica reached for his hand. “How insensitive of me. I’m such a fool. I’m so sorry. We should have gone to Playland Park.”
“You don’t think that’s too childish?” Payne had an edge in his voice.
“I suppose I did. But not at the expense of hurting your feelings.”
“Then where do we stand?” Payne was pressuring Erica.
“Well,” she said. “I’ve become fond of the U.S., and I’ve become quite fond of you.”
“That doesn’t sound like a commitment.”
“You’re looking for a commitment? Payne, we met at a bar, and we had a three-way. This is our first official date. Aren’t you making a lot of assumptions?”
Payne looked off into space. Quietly, he said, “I’ve fallen in love with you.”
“Oh,” Erica said.
“I knew it was a mistake,” Payne was upset now. “I shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up. You’re not over Jeremy, and you’re not staying here. You know, I would go to England if that’s what it would take to be with you.”
“Payne, that’s so sweet, but that isn’t necessary. I’m going to stay here for a while. We can get to know each other better. You know, after a while, you might get tired of me.”
“I know, but it’s not fair. I finally meet a real girl, and I don’t know whether she’s going to stay around. Maybe that’s something I should discuss with Dr. Prentice. You know, the internet girls are always there. And as soon as I get tired of one, another pops up. They’re endless, these girls.”
Erica felt guilty, although she didn’t quite know why. In her defense, this American fling had left her control at some point.
“I think you should talk to Dr. Prentice, but can you leave me out of it? I think our relationship is going well.”
“Yes, this is more of a ‘me’ problem.” Payne sighed.
“I never meant to hurt you, Payne. Or use you for sex. It just happened. Don’t tell me you didn’t enjoy the time with Jennifer as much as I did. And between you and me, the sex is great. Just what we both needed, I guess.”
“It was great.” Payne smiled.
“Then why complicate things, Payne? We’re having such a nice time.”
“I want this to last forever, Erica.”
“It can. We’ll sort it out. In the meantime, I have something for you, but don’t read anything into it.”
Erica pulled a small ring box out of her purse. “I found this when I was shopping, and I thought it would be perfect for you. I’ve been carrying it around, waiting for the right moment. I guess now is as good as any.”
She handed the ring box to Payne.
Payne took the box and opened it. He picked the ring out of the box and looked at it quizzically. “What is it?”
“It’s a friendship ring. It means I’m going to be staying around for a while. Put it on.”
Payne placed the ring on his finger and looked at it.
“I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything. Just know that I’m not going anywhere, at least for now.”
“Thank you,” said Payne and gave Erica a long, deep kiss. “So where do we go from here?”
“After this, we go back to my townhouse and make passionate love. I have something else to tell you, and this is such good timing. I went ahead and made the down payment on the townhome. So you will be stuck with me for a while.”
This was too much for Payne to digest at one time. In a moment, he had gone from being left behind to becoming a lifetime partner with a girl he barely knew.
Erica was oblivious. “There was one other thing I wanted to ask you,” Erica said. “What would you say about moving in with me?”
“I don’t know,” Payne said. He closed the ring box and handed it back to Erica, bringing the moment to a screeching halt. “That’s a big step.”
All of a sudden, Payne had gotten much more than he bargained for. What if Erica wasn’t the one? Would it be his fault if they broke up and she spent a fortune to be here on his behalf? She changed her whole life for one man. Would she do it again? This was too much pressure.
Erica backpeddled a bit. “I didn’t mean tomorrow. Or even next month. I just wanted to know how the idea felt to you.”
“It feels like it’s a big commitment.”
“No, please don’t think that,” Erica said. “I’ve done the whole grand-plan thing. I followed a man across an ocean for a future that never existed.”
“And I’ve spent most of my life hiding behind computer screens,” Payne said. “If something got boring, I could close a tab. Log out. Start over. Living with someone, that’s not like that.”
“No,” Erica agreed. “You don’t get to delete a real person.”
“What if I disappoint you?”
Erica met his gaze without flinching. “You will, at some point. And I’ll disappoint you, too. That’s not failure. It’s getting to know someone.”
Payne smiled. “You’re very good at this.”
“At what?”
“Making things sound okay.”
She smiled. “They usually are.”
“I don’t want to rush into something just because I’m scared of losing you,” he said. “But I can’t dive in headfirst, either. Now I’m confused.”
“Then don’t decide today. Let the ring mean what I said it means: I’m here. A friendship ring means a commitment to be true to each other. It doesn’t mean you owe me anything. Here, take it back.”
Erica gave him back the ring, and he put it on his finger.
“Okay.”
She nudged his knee with hers. “That’s all I was hoping for.”
They stood together and walked back toward the front gate.
“So,” Payne said, a small smile returning, “passionate love, huh?”
Erica laughed. “Yes. But first, tea. And maybe a shower. You’re still a carpenter, after all.”
He grinned. “Deal.”
As they drove back to her townhouse, Payne glanced at the ring on his finger again. It was a new chapter, but what did it mean?
Erica slowed the car at a red light and glanced over at him.
“Now that I have everything I wanted, I’m not sure if this isn’t too much,” Payne continued. “It makes me feel like a kept man. That’s not what I want to be, Erica.”
She didn’t answer right away. She turned into the driveway of the townhouse, parked, and shut off the engine.
“You’re right. I don’t want you to feel like a kept man. Then you’ll resent me.”
Payne frowned. “I won’t resent you.”
“Not yet,” Erica said. “But you will.”
“You wouldn’t understand. I don’t come from a rich family like you. People will think you pay me to be your boyfriend. I want to work and spend what I can afford. On you. On us.
Erica reached for his hand and looked into his puppy dog eyes.
“Listen to me,” she said. “I didn’t buy this townhouse for you. I bought it because I wanted to try life in the U.S. for a while. The ring was a promise that I would spend that time with you.”
“I know, but—”
“And I didn’t ask you to move in,” she continued. “I asked what you’d think about it. There’s a difference.”
“It feels like I’d be living in your world.”
“That’s fair,” she said. “So then the question becomes how do you stay with me and keep your own identity?”
Payne was quiet, thinking. Finally, he said, “We could start by you not buying me any more clothes. And driving my car when we go out.”
“All right. The ring is the last thing I will buy you. But I still get to pick out your clothes. That’s a normal girlfriend thing. And if you move in, you can pay rent and have a room that’s completely yours.”
“I can live with that,” he said.
Erica squeezed his hand. “And when we go out, we’ll take your car, and you pay for dinner.”
They sat there for a moment, the car cooling, the house waiting.
“So,” Erica said at last, “how about this: you go home tonight. You sleep in your own bed. Tomorrow, you come over for dinner because you want to.”
Payne smiled, relief spreading across his face. “I’d like that.”
Erica leaned over and kissed him. A real kiss.
As Payne stepped out of the car a few minutes later, he touched the ring again. The ring was now a connection to Erica, not a leash.
Payne sat up in bed that night, thinking.
The girls he loved so much never hurt him. In his fantasies, they were everything he wanted at the moment. And when the moment had passed, they were gone. Gone until he wanted them again. He got to pick and choose every night, and every night the stories changed with the girls.
They had never asked anything of him.
They didn’t get tired.
They didn’t change their minds.
They didn’t look at him and expect him to become someone better or braver.
For years, they had been company for him without risk. Sex without consequence. When he was bored, he could make them disappear with the click of a mouse.
But Payne was beginning to understand that real relationships didn’t come with an off switch.
You couldn’t pause a real woman when she disappointed you.
You couldn’t delete her when she scared you.
You couldn’t skip past the parts where she saw you clearly and stayed anyway.
A real relationship meant being exposed. It meant interaction. And that came with things like frustration, misunderstanding, waiting your turn to speak. The real world.
And worst of all, it meant there were no guarantees.
Payne lay back against the pillows, staring at the ceiling.
“I’m rethinking everything I thought I knew,” he whispered into the quiet.
But the girls didn’t answer. They didn’t have to. They were gone from Payne’s life.
Erica had replaced them.