Calder, the gardener, perched uncomfortably on the custom-made sofa in the Prentices’ great room.
He had never been allowed in the house before and was a little nervous. Aubrey wanted to talk to him about something, and he wasn’t sure what it was.
He kept waiting for Foster to walk in, but Aubrey said that was unlikely. Calder took a look at the pool and gardens from the French doors that led to the patio.
Until now, he had only seen them in proximity to maintain them. Now they were far away. The shrubbery was lush, and the pool sparkly. Calder couldn’t help but feel a sense of pride when he looked at them.
Aubery came into the living room with a tray holding chocolate cookies and lemonade. It made her feel like a cougar to do so, but no matter. She was fully clothed and had no intention of pulling a Mrs. Robinson today.
She placed the tray on the coffee table and chose to sit in the plush chair on the other side of the coffee table.
Calder took a glass, but not any cookies.
“Don’t you want anything to eat?”
“I don’t want to get crumbs on the sofa,” Calder said.
“I think we’re beyond that,” Aubrey said.
Calder took a few cookies and a napkin, carefully balancing them on his lap while he drank his lemonade.
“You wanted to speak to me?” Calder asked.
“Yes, I wanted to talk to you about Foster.”
“What about him?” Calder’s eyes widened. He set the lemonade on the coffee table. “Does he know about us?”
“No,” Aubrey reassured him. “He won’t bother us because he doesn’t live here anymore.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, we’re having some problems, but it doesn’t have anything to do with you.”
“I hope so. I wouldn’t want to break up a marriage.”
“No, you didn’t break up our marriage. Foster broke up our marriage when he…” Aubrey didn’t know the right words to say to nineteen-year-old Calder from Australia.
“Did he cheat on you?”
“Something like that, but I wanted to talk to you about us.”
“What about us?” Calder looked hopeful.
Aubrey paused. She knew how to treat patients in therapy, but that didn’t always transfer to real life.
“There is no us, Calder. Of course, you still have your job as my gardener.”
Calder looked crestfallen.
Aubrey knew Calder had a girlfriend, but maybe that wasn’t working out. Would she have to start a pop-up therapy session with Calder?
“Calder, I thought you had a girlfriend,” Aubrey said.
“Not anymore. We broke up…okay, she dumped me.”
“Calder, what happened?” Aubrey was ready to listen. Shifting the conversation to Calder’s problems would take the focus from her.
“She met someone else. He was smarter than I was. He plays on the soccer team, but he’s a scholarship athlete. So is she. I guess it turns out that I’m stupid.”
“We haven’t had a chance to talk in a while, Calder. Why don’t you tell me about it? Aubrey drank her lemonade and munched cookies while Calder told her about his failed college romance.
“I thought Derek, the guy she likes, was my friend, but it turns out he wasn’t. I think she was already dating him when she dumped me. Now I have to see her on the track every day we have practice. It’s breaking my heart.”
“Why don’t we talk about how you can get over this,” Aubrey said.
“I don’t think I can.”
“That’s alright,” she replied. “Most people don’t handle break-ups well. Especially at your age.”
He bristled at the comment, then let it go. “It’s just… I keep replaying everything. What I said wrong. What I didn’t say. What I could’ve done differently.”
“That’s being a teenager, Calder. I know it’s important for you to be a grown-up male who takes charge, but you’re not there yet.”
“Feels pretty stupid.”
“You’re the only one sitting here calling yourself stupid.”
Calder picked at the crumbs that had fallen on the sofa cushion. “She said Derek was more focused. More serious. That he knew where he was going.”
“And do you?”
Calder hesitated. “I know where I don’t want to end up.”
“That’s a start,” Aubrey said. “You’re nineteen, Calder. You’re not supposed to have it all figured out.”
“She told me I was immature.”
Aubrey chose her next words carefully. “People leave relationships when they find someone they like better. That’s very common. And to ease their guilt, they take potshots at the person they are leaving. It makes them feel like it’s the choice anyone would make. That makes them feel better.”
Calder sat in silence, trying to absorb what Aubrey was saying.
“So what do I do when I still have to see her?” he asked. “Every day. With him.”
“Nothing different. You show up, you do your work, and you let the wound close at its own pace.”
He frowned. “That sounds slow.”
“It is,” she said. “But it works.”
Calder glanced around the room. Now that he and Aubrey had established firm boundaries, he felt much more at home. “You’re good at this,” he said.
“I’m a professional.”
He smiled. “Still.”
“I care about you as a person, Calder. It makes a difference.”
She stood, gathering the empty glasses and the tray, grateful for the movement. “I think that’s enough heavy conversation for today.”
Calder rose as well, careful again not to disturb the sofa. “Thank you,” he said. “For listening.”
“You’re welcome,” she replied, steady and composed. “And Calder—” she paused, meeting his eyes, “you’re not stupid. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.”
“I won’t.”
“So, is there any hope for us?”
Aubrey didn’t want to tell him, but she had to rip the band-aid off. “I’m seeing someone else now, Calder. We can’t be together right now.”
“Please don’t tell me you did the same thing to Mr. Prentice,” Calder said, “that you found someone else before you got rid of him.”
“It’s a little more complicated than that, Calder. But no, I didn’t plan on choosing someone else before Foster started having marital problems.”
“That’s good to know. I hope all girls aren’t like that.”
“They aren’t, Calder. And you’re only nineteen. You’ll meet plenty of girls, and you’ll break some hearts along the way. Just remember how you feel right now and be kind.”
“Thanks, Aubrey. I feel better.”
As she walked him toward the French doors, Aubrey was relieved. She had cleared the air between the two of them, without giving away a lot of information.
Once Calder was back to work, her thoughts shifted to Ian.
Aubrey was putting everything on the line for him. Was it worth it?
She looked out the French doors as Calder went back to work, wondering if she was in a position to give anyone advice.
She carried the tray into the kitchen and set it in the sink. She leaned against the counter and closed her eyes.
“You’re doing the right thing, giving yourself to Ian,” she told herself. She told Calder that she didn’t think about anyone before she left Foster, but that was a lie. So was she lying to herself about Ian? Who knew?
But Ian was different. Complicated in ways Calder wasn’t yet capable of being. Thanks to Aubrey, Ian knew exactly who he was now and who he wasn’t. Aubrey just might have unleashed a monster of her own making, and he, in turn, was going to make her his bride.
She wanted to call him. To talk. To hear his voice. Now, who was the teenager?
She picked up her phone, hesitating. It was killing her. She didn’t want to be the first to call. That would solidify his position as the alpha male, and her as the needy girlfriend. If she let that happen, he would win.
She could hear Calder mowing outside. The house was back to normal. This should be a comfort, but it reminded her of her infidelity to Foster.
Aubrey stared at the phone. She knew she shouldn’t call, but she couldn’t help herself.
“Damn you, Ian.”
She hit Ian’s number and waited for him to answer.
It rang longer than she expected. He was taking his time. Damnit. Damnit. Damnit.
Then he picked up.
“Yeah?” Ian’s said.
Aubrey closed her eyes. Just hearing his voice gave her an instant rush.
“It’s me,” she said.
There was a pause. Deliberate, of course.
“I know.”
She wanted to hang up, but it was too late. He won.
“I shouldn’t be calling,” she said.
“No,” he agreed calmly. “You shouldn’t.”
“Then why did you answer?”
“Because you were going to call anyway,” he said. “And because if I hadn’t answered, you’d still be thinking about it an hour from now.”
“Fuck,” she thought, he was right. Aubrey was immediately angry with herself for acting so foolishly.
“I just wanted to see if you wanted to go to dinner.” Aubrey tried to sound casual, but there was no use pretending. Ian had her at his beck and call, and he knew it.
“No,” he said. “You’re calling because you want to know how much being with me is going to cost you. I mean, things like your dignity and independence.”
“You make it sound like you know what’s going on in my head.”
“Just a guess,” Ian said. “We got to know each other very well before we made love. Maybe I know you better than you know yourself.”
Aubrey closed her eyes. “Ian… I’m putting everything on the line here.”
“I know.”
“Do you? Because it feels like I’m the only one risking anything.”
“That’s not true,” he said. “You’re just risking things you can name.”
She frowned. “What does that mean?”
“It means you’re risking things you can name: your marriage, your reputation, your practice. All things that can be replaced.”
Aubrey didn’t say a word.
Ian kept mansplaining.
“Think about it from my point of view. I’ve let you into my world. The one with the high walls to keep people out. That’s a very personal risk for me. Read the notes in my file.”
His words were a direct punch to the gut.
“I don’t play games like this,” Aubrey said. “Not anymore.”
“Neither do I,” Ian replied. “I’ve told you exactly how I feel. You’re all over the place.”
She stared at the floor, pulse racing a little. “I need to know this isn’t a mistake.”
Ian didn’t answer right away.
Finally, he said, “You won’t find it with me. Besides, you already had the safety of Foster, and look how that worked out.”
“So what are you saying?”
“I’m saying,” he replied, “that if you choose me, it won’t be because it’s easy or clean. It’ll be because you’re done pretending you want your life to stay the same.”
Aubrey knew what he was saying was true.
“And if I choose you?” she asked.
“Then you stop half-assing it and make a commitment,” he said. “And so will I.”
Aubrey was silent. This conversation was not calming any of her doubts.
Outside, the gardener’s equipment hummed steadily, oblivious.
“Come over,” she said.
A short silence.
“I will,” Ian said. “But not tonight.”
Aubrey wasn’t the panicky type, but Ian knew how to push her buttons.
“Why not?” Aubrey tried to sound calm.
“Because you need some time to think about whether this is really what you want.”
“You’re infuriating.”
“I’ve been told.”
Aubrey hung up. She took little satisfaction in ending a call that was already over.
She put the phone down, not wanting to admit defeat. The next time she called him, she would be ready. But ready for what? To meet him head-on or commit to his idea of a relationship? She wanted to call the one person for advice who would never give it:
Ian’s ex-wife, Hope.