Jennifer was looking for someone to replace Garson. She hadn’t broken up with him, but she was bored with him. She was tired of the fighting, the making up, and his plans.
Dr. Prentice’s newest patient, Payne Elliston, had distinct possibilities. He was a young carpenter with Henshaw Industries' home-building division. Jennifer wondered what mental health issues he had, because from where she sat, he was incredible.
He had sandy brown, clean-cut hair and green eyes. He was tan from working outside and had a five o’clock shadow. With his fine features and an easy way of talking, he had Jennifer’s full attention the moment he walked into the office. But there must be something wrong with him, or he wouldn’t be here. He stared at her when he thought she wasn’t looking.
She would read his file after his appointment.
Dr. Prentice buzzed for Payne to enter her inner office. She shut the door behind him; Jennifer went back to reading her textbook.
“Have a seat, Payne. So what brings you here today?” Dr. Prentice inquired.
“I need to talk about something, I'm really uncomfortable talking to a woman about it.”
“Payne, there’s no reason to be embarrassed or ashamed when you talk to me. I am licensed to treat any mental health issue you have. Everything stays in this room. Am I right, because you work for Henshaw Industries, that the concern is sexual in nature?”
Payne looked away and sighed. “I guess.”
“You look like a healthy young man,” Dr. Prentice said, “ has your mood changed, do you have a lack of interests, loss of appetite, trouble concentrating?
“No. Nothing like that.”
What about low self-worth or any thoughts of harm to yourself or someone else? We can start with any of these topics.”
“No.”
“All right. Do you have way too much interest in something?”
“Yes, I do.”
“Okay. Is it drug or alcohol abuse? That’s something many men your age experience, and it’s treatable.”
“It’s not that, so I’ll just go ahead and say it. I’m addicted to porn.”
“Oh,” said Dr. Prentice.
“Please don’t judge me, I’m embarrassed enough as it is.”
But Dr. Prentice wasn’t judging; she was rejoicing. Payne would be another chapter in her book: Men Who Watch Pornography to Avoid Intimacy.”
She was eager to talk to Payne, to pick his brain and see the world of intimacy with women through his eyes.
“There is no judgment here, Payne, only understanding and help.”
“I’m still embarrassed, especially talking to a woman about it.”
“There’s no reason to be embarrassed by watching pornography as a substitute for intimacy. It’s common for men, and with pornography so available, it’s understandable.”
“So, I’m not a freak?”
“No, you’re not, but you do have intimacy issues with women. When we fix that, you won’t need the pornography.”
“That sounds alright.”
“Sure, but becoming intimate with women, being able to withstand rejection, takes a lot of work. When did you notice you were addicted to watching adult videos?”
“As soon as my parents took the controls off the Wi-Fi.”
“And how many hours a day do you think you watch adult videos?”
“About three hours a day,” Payne said.
“And do you experience a release every time?”
“No,” said Payne. “Sometimes I watch because I like other people having sex. To watch them realize their own climax and enjoy their time together.”
“That sounds like a relationship issue. You see people who make love to each other without the fear of rejection or judgment. They meet each other, make love, and reach a climax. Real life isn’t like that, is it?”
“No.” Payne was looking out of the window behind Aubrey’s head.
“Real life, Payne, is about rejection, conversation, and understanding. Not about two people who get together and fuck.”
Payne turned a deep shade of red.
“Shocking when you say it out loud,” Dr. Prentice said. “Isn’t it?”
“Yes.” Payne swallowed.
“But it is what it is,” Dr. Prentice said. “No reason to agree or disagree, and it’s fine to watch, but it sounds like you’re using it as a substitute for a real relationship.”
Payne looked away.
“When’s the last time you had a girlfriend?”
“A long time.”
“Why do you think that is?”
“Fear of rejection?”
“You’re asking me?”
Dr. Prentice stopped writing notes and looked directly at Payne. He squirmed, then finally spoke.
“It's nothing weird,” he said. “I just don’t have anything to say to them. The girls in the videos don’t talk; they don’t need to. They know what you want, and they give it to you.”
“So with a real girl you have to have a conversation,” Dr. Prentice said. “You have to listen and then react and maybe get shot down if you say the wrong thing.”
“Exactly,” Payne said. “I did meet this girl a couple of months ago. Erica was her name. I was working on the construction of her new townhome. We talked when she was there, checking up on the work. She gave me her phone number, but I never called her back. Should I call her?”
“It’s a start,” Dr. Pentice said.
“Do you think she likes me?”
“She might, and she might not, but don’t let that upset you,” Dr. Prentice said. “She’s a real person and so are you.”
“What should I do?”
If you see her again, say hello. If not, that’s okay too.”
“Really?”
“You like Erica and respect her. This is often how a healthy connection begins,” Aubrey continued. “Low pressure. Curiosity. Comfort. It doesn’t have to be romantic right away, or at all. Friendship is a perfectly valid goal. Have you contacted her since the job ended?”
“No,” he admitted. “I didn’t want to make it weird. I don’t know if she gave me her number because she liked me or because she was being nice.”
“That uncertainty is normal,” Aubrey said. “But notice what you just said. You like talking to her. You didn’t say you fantasize about her, or that you feel out of control. You said you like talking to her.”
It took a moment for Payne to absorb this. “I hadn’t thought about it like that. So, would it be wrong to text her?”
“It wouldn’t be wrong,” Aubrey said. “But I’d suggest being intentional. Simple. Honest. Something like, ‘I enjoyed talking with you while I was working on your house. Would you like to grab a coffee sometime?’”
“And if she says no?”
“Then you let it go,” Aubrey replied. “You don’t know enough about her to feel rejected.”
“Rejection scares me more than being alone.”
“I know,” she said. “But avoidance keeps the cycle of porn and loneliness alive. Small risks may make you feel rejected, but you have to reframe them. Write down every time you get rejected in a journal. But whenever that happens, write down the positive aspects of the encounter. Go back and read them every time you want to watch porn.”
Payne looked down at his hands, then back up. “I think I could try. Not today. But soon.”
“That’s fine,” Aubrey said. “Soon is enough. Who knows? Maybe you’ll run into her.”
Payne was pensive. “And what if I do? Run into her, I mean. What do I say?”
“The best thing you can do to start a conversation is ask a question, even if it’s as simple as ‘how are you doing,’” said Aubrey.
She made another note in Payne’s file. Not about porn, but about making friends. Payne never mentioned that he had any.
“Payne,” she added, “your goal for this week is to talk to people. Men or Women. And not the guys at work. I mean, if you see someone when you’re out, practice saying hello. The conversation doesn’t have to go any further than that.”
Dr. Prentice made another note. “Addiction isn’t a dirty secret, Payne. It’s a coping mechanism that has stopped working. Pornography provides instant gratification for social connections. But over time, it rewires the brain’s reward system. That’s why stopping feels impossible.”
She explained how compulsive pornography use made men feel isolated because they were only casual observers instead of participants. And they couldn’t be participants anyway, because the scenarios were made up.
Payne, she said, “When you were working on Erica’s house, did she ever come up to you and the other guys and offer herself to you in an overtly sexual manner?”
“No, of course not.”
Then, you can agree that you are spending a significant amount of your time in a version of the real world that doesn’t exist. Except that pornography is deceptive because it can actually happen. That’s where the addiction comes from. You never know. Erica might come to the job site looking seductive and drop her panties for all the boys to see…”
“That would never happen.”
“And yet you think about it. Can you see where that’s wrong?”
“Yes. So I need to stop watching porn?”
“Eventually,” she said. “But not all at once. You need something to replace the hours you spend in front of the computer, but it will take some time.”
“That sounds hard.”
“It is,” Aubrey said. “But it’s also very doable. You work full-time with people. That’s a start. Is there a woman you can talk to?”
“Sure, there are a few women on the job site.”
“Talk to them. As a coworker. As a fellow human being, without any sexual inclinations.”
“I’m afraid to approach them. I don’t know what to say.”
“That’s going to change,” she assured him.
There was a pause, and then Payne felt comfortable enough to look at Dr. Prentice directly.
“Thank you,” he said. “For not acting like I’m some kind of pervert.”
“You’re not a pervert, Payne. You’re a young man who learned to soothe himself in a way that eventually turned against him.”
“Okay, so what do we do first?”
“The first thing I’m going to do is start you on an antidepressant,” Aubrey said, “because the shame you feel, the hopelessness, withdrawal, numbness, often respond well to medication.”
“Will it change who I am?”
“No,” she said. “It should help you feel more like yourself, not less. And we’ll monitor it closely. If it doesn’t feel right, we adjust.”
“All right,” he said.
“I also want you to start the journal we talked about,” she added.
She wrote out the prescription, then looked back at him. “One more thing. This process works best when you’re honest with me and with yourself. There’s no shock value left in this room, Payne. You don’t need to hide your thoughts from me.”
Payne stood when the session ended. “Thanks, Dr. Prentice. I don’t feel so hopeless anymore.”
Aubrey watched him leave, aware now of the pull she had with her male patients. They would talk to her about anything, even watching porn.
Payne would make a juicy chapter for her book. Many women wondered why the men in their lives watched pornography. Maybe Payne could help her crack the code.
After Payne left her office, Aubrey sat still for a few moments.
She told herself, carefully, deliberately, that this was good work. Necessary work.
And that the boundary between helping a man reclaim his life and becoming too invested in him was one she could still see clearly.
At the reception desk, Jennifer looked up when Payne entered. He smiled at her, polite, reserved.
“I’d like to make my next appointment… By the way, how are you today? It’s Jennifer, isn’t it?”
Jennifer was intrigued. “Yes, it is. And how are you doing today?”