Calder wasn’t going anywhere that afternoon. He continued to talk, and she continued to listen. He was trying a different strategy to get into her pants, and she was going to let him.
“All the more information on the male psyche for me,” she thought.
“This is the part that scares me,” he said softly. “That just being close to you feels like home.”
Aubrey couldn’t believe it. How far was this guy willing to go?
She should pull back. She should say his name sternly, create space, remind him and herself about boundaries, age, responsibility, and everything.
Instead, she let the moment play out. To see where this was going.
Calder lifted a hand, slow enough that she could have stopped him at any point. He didn’t touch her; he wasn’t reckless, but he brought his hand close enough to her cheek so that she could feel the warmth of it, the ghost of a possible touch. Hovering. Waiting. Asking.
“Aubrey,” he said quietly. “Tell me to move.”
She opened her mouth.
Nothing came out.
He closed his eyes for a second, letting out a shaky breath, as if he were the one overwhelmed. He withdrew his hand, just barely, dropping it to his lap. His pretended self-control was agonizing.
“I’m not trying to cross a line,” he whispered. “But I needed you to know that I can stop myself. That I’m not some impulsive kid who’s going to ruin your life or mine.”
Aubrey was dumbfounded. Was this how all males acted when they wanted to get laid and the girl they were talking to was sober?
“Calder… that might be the most dangerous thing you’ve ever said to me.”
Not.
“Yeah. I figured.”
Aubrey was just about to speak when the buzz of her phone shattered the mood.
Both of them flinched.
Calder jerked back an inch, as if the sound had physically pushed him away. Aubrey looked to the side table where her phone vibrated insistently, skittering slightly against the glass.
Aubrey grabbed the phone, grateful for the excuse, irritated at the timing, and more rattled than she wanted to admit.
“It’s Foster,” she said.
“Of course it is.”
She clicked the call away instead of answering.
“Not going to pick up?”
“No,” she said, “he just left the house.”
Her voice had an edge. She wasn’t sure if it was irritation at her husband, herself, or Calder.
She straightened instinctively, closing her dressing gown. Calder sat up straighter, too, guilty even though they hadn’t done anything wrong. But the spell was broken.
“Well,” she said, forcing lightness she didn’t feel, “that’s one way to reset the mood.”
Calder managed a crooked smile. “Yeah. Perfect timing.”
Awkward silence.
Finally, Calder stood. “Do you want me to go?”
Aubrey looked up at him and noticed the frustration he was trying to hide, the hurt he was suppressing, and the restraint he was holding onto. All the ways he was trying to get back to seducing her.
“No,” she said. “Sit. We’re not done talking.”
That was true.
But she wasn’t sure whether she said it for him or because she wasn’t ready for him to leave. Calder eased back into the chaise, though the momentary confidence he’d shown earlier was gone. He looked older now. Quieter, stripped down to something bare.
Aubrey crossed her legs, reclaiming a professional posture. “Alright,” she said. “Pick up where we left off.”
“Yeah. About that.”
He hesitated in a way that made Aubrey leery. Was this how it would be with Ian?
His earlier honesty was deliberate, chosen. But this looked like something clawing its way out of him despite his best efforts to keep it in.
“That call you ignored,” he said. “From Foster.”
“What about it?”
“I hate how I react when I see his name on your phone.”
Aubrey went still. She hadn’t expected that. Not even close. “Calder…”
“No. I know. I know I don’t have the right to feel anything about it. I get that.” He balled his hands into fists, frustrated. “But I can’t help it. Every time he calls, I feel like I’m being reminded that I’m temporary. Disposable.”
“You’re not disposable.”
“I am,” he said, holding up his hand so Aubrey couldn’t correct him. “Admit it. I know what this is for you. I knew from the start.”
The truth stung. Like he wanted it to. But Aubrey didn’t take the bait. Calder was trying every trick in the book. Ian would know them all too. This was the time to prepare.
“But it’s not just that,” he continued. “I’ve been trying to figure out why I get so angry whenever he calls. You told me you don’t love him. I get that. But it makes me want to punch a wall every time your phone lights up with his name.”
He looked at her, challenging her. His eyes were jealous. Angry.
He read the look on Aubrey’s face and then changed his tone to bravery in the face of rejection.
“And I realized something. It’s not jealousy. It’s not possessiveness. It’s fear.”
Aubrey thought, “Fear of what? Did this guy have no shame?”
He looked away from Aubrey and continued.
“Fear that you’ll wake up one day and decide I was just a phase. A distraction. Something you’ll outgrow. His voice dropped lower, for dramatic effect. Fear that I matter less to you than you do to me.”
Aubrey almost laughed out loud.
“That’s what I haven’t said,” Calder murmured. “That’s the thing I keep trying to pretend isn’t true.”
Aubrey couldn’t believe how desperate a horny man could be.
“And before you say it,” he added, “I’m not asking you to promise anything. I’m not asking you to leave him, or pick me, or change your whole life. I just…” He paused to think. “I needed you to know it hurts. That it actually hurts. And that I’m not handling it as well as I pretend.”
Aubrey stared at him. She hadn’t expected the fear strategy. Pathetic.
“Calder,” she said, “you matter more than you think.”
He let out a small, sad laugh. “Yeah. That’s the part I’m afraid of too.”
This guy had no shame. So Aubrey decided to play the same game. See if she could turn the tables. This would be good for her actual psychiatry practice. The one where she would have to manipulate her male patients to not only get them to admit their sexual proclivities, but also what methods they used to get women to go along.
Calder was the perfect test subject. She would let him think he was seducing her when, in fact, it was the other way around.
She sat upright, as if she cared. “You’re not the only one who’s been pretending.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, I have feelings too. In a perfect world, one where we had met under different circumstances, I would have been instantly drawn to you.”
“Because I can have a real conversation with you. One about my feelings. I feel like I can open up to you. I care for you so much, Calder, but I can’t leave him. I panic every time his name comes up on my phone, and we are together.”
“Yes, really. And I wonder what it would be like to come home to you every evening.”
“Are you fucking with me?”
“No, I’m not. But I’m afraid of my true feelings. And you’re not the only one who has something to lose.”
“How’s that?”
“What if you left me for a young, pretty college girl? How do you think that would make me feel?”
“I would never do that.”
“You say that now, but what if I divorced my husband and gave up my life for you, and it turned out to be just some fling. I would ruin my whole life for a young man who can’t even pick out his major.”
I never thought about that,” Calder said. “When you put it that way, it’s a big commitment.”
“I have strong feelings for you, and I want to move this to a level of maturity. I’ve thrown myself out here to please you, to make you mine in any way I can.”
“I thought I was imagining that,” he said. “All of it.”
“No,” she murmured. “You weren’t.”
She held Calder’s gaze, ready for the kill…
Calder spoke, voice low, steady, and changed:
“So where does that leave us?”
Aubrey didn’t have an answer. This was new to her, using a man’s seduction to get what she wanted instead of the other way around.
“We have to think about this.”
Calder was hanging on her every word.
Aubrey pulled a solution out of her ass.
“Okay,” she said. “We need to reset.”
Calder watched her, trying to figure out how she had managed to retreat. Was she onto his seduction? Unlike what he had told Aubrey, lots of girls fell for his act. Hot girls. Desperate girls. Most girls. All he had to do was turn on the charm. But Aubrey was no schoolgirl. She was better.
“Aubrey,” he said.
“No, we crossed into something we shouldn’t have. More than once. And we need to step back before we lose perspective.”
“Perspective,” he repeated, a mixture of hurt and resignation creeping in.
“Yes. Perspective. Boundaries. Maturity. All of it.”
Calder didn’t argue. He was beaten. For now. “Ok, then.”
“What I said at the beginning… I shouldn’t have said it that way. It wasn’t fair to you, and it wasn’t responsible,” said Aubrey.
“So you didn’t mean it?”
“I meant it. That’s the problem.”
Silence.
Aubrey spoke. “But that doesn’t permit us to do whatever we want. It doesn’t make it suddenly okay. I’m older, I’m married, and you’re a student.”
“A student who’s not your client. Not your patient. You’re not my professor. You’re not my therapist.”
“That’s not the point.”
“Then what is the point, Aubrey?”
She opened her mouth. Closed it. Looked away.
“The point,” she said finally, “is that something is going to break if we keep going down this road. Either you, or me, or my marriage, or your future. And I can’t let that happen.”
“So what do you want me to do?”
Aubrey didn’t like how this was unfolding. Calder was too persistent. And Ian must be worse.
“I want,” she said, trembling a little, “to set some rules. Actual rules. We limit contact. No more moments like earlier. No more feeling things.”
“Feeling things?” Calder asked.
“Ok. No more acting on them.”
“And you think you can stick to that?”
“I don’t know Calder,” Aubrey said. “I’m so mixed up right now.”
“We can figure this out together, then.”
Calder couldn’t figure out this conversation. Was he making headway with this woman, who was an easy target for a no-strings-attached encounter? Or was he being played for the same thing?
His naïve student approach wasn’t working anymore. It seemed like Aubrey wanted a man who was focused and had a future. He would have to make a change where he had something specific about his future vocation. Something that would keep the relationship going because he had enough of a distraction to follow her rules.
She couldn’t hold out forever.
“I have a proposition,” Calder said. “Why don’t I bring over my school catalogue, and you can help me pick out some classes and help me decide on a major?”
Aubrey wasn’t ready for that. Would guys do anything to get into a woman’s pants?
The answer was a definite yes. And Aubrey had a lot of strategizing to do if she was going to pull this off.