"Shit!" I yell as I tightly grip the steering wheel of the truck. All this reminiscing almost made me crash my truck. I jerk out of my memories and pay more attention to the road. I shake my head and slowly brake at the light. I glance over into the car driving beside me and smile. I wonder why all drivers do that? When we pull up beside someone, we have to see who is driving the other car.
"Eddie, hey, just the man that I wanted to see!" I call out the window as I pull down a side street and wait. I watch Eddie through my rear-view mirror as he nervously makes his way to my truck.
"Rain, what it do?" he asks shakily as he gets into the passenger seat.
"I'm straight. So, how come we haven't seen you in a week? I mean, you are the one that begged Tebbe to put you on. If you can't deliver, maybe you need new employment," I say, looking over my shades at him.
"Naw, it ain't nothing like that. Besides, I sent Ronnie by there a couple days ago. Didn't he come by?"
"Yeah, talking head. He tried to tell me some bullshit, but I wasn't hearing it. You know we don't do fucking excuses. You gonna come at someone like that, when they hold your future in their hands, you need to send somebody that at least know how to talk. Come on, man, you been in the game a little too long to act like you don't know what's up. So how much you got?" I ask, bored. I know this fool ain't trying to play, giving me some lame-ass excuse. I get so tired of this crap. These fools think that since I am not Entebbe, they can run me. I learned from the best, so they are really tripping.
"I got twenty-two hundred," he says as sweat drips down his face. He keeps sneaking looks over at me as he twiddles his thumbs together.
"First of all, be still. You are making me nervous with all this fidgeting. You don't want me thinking that I need to pull up on you. Second, I know you didn't say twenty-two, did you? I must have heard wrong. It's been almost a month, and you trying to tell me that you been grinding like everyone else and you only got twenty-two? Nigga, please. Run me my money," I tell him slowly.
"Rain, I am telling you that things have been slow as hell. It's been like a desert out there. But I got somebody that is about to get this whole thing up off me tonight," he swears as he moves ever so slightly closer to the door. I reach over and pop the locks and grab his face in one swift movement.
"Eddie, Eddie, Eddie, you thinking of bouncing?" I laugh as I pull him toward me. From the outside, anyone watching would think that I was an overly aggressive female, taking a kiss from my man.
"No. You know me better than that," Eddie whispers.
"Do I? I thought I did. But I would have never thought in a million years you would try and play me, and then to send some little kid to try and talk business for you? Then to make matters worse, you have the audacity to duck and dodge instead of checking in personally? What the fuck ever."
"Rain, it wasn't like that," he replies through lips that can barely move.
"No matter. Look, I really don't have time for this bullshit today. I got somewhere I gotta be, but Entebbe wants you at the house like everyone else tonight. Give me what you got and go home. We will talk later," I say as I release his face and put my hand out.
"Here you go, and I will be there," he answers as he hands the money over to me.
"Naw, nigga, I need my product too," I say.
"Huh? But, but, but… Come on, Rain, don't do me like that. I told you I am straight. I got somebody coming through in like a couple hours. Give me a chance," he begs.
"Nigga, you begging like a little bitch. Why should I trust that when you told me the same thing when I let you slide a couple weeks back? Hell, I almost got shot when the place that you told me to meet you at just happened to be the place the DEA was planning to bust that day. You only got a few dollars more than you had then. Besides, how do you think that makes me look to other people? Forget other people, how do you think that makes Tebbe look at me? In this business, husband or not, I could go missing like any of y'all fools. I ain't trying to check out any time soon," I reply, shaking my head.
"Shit, I called Entebbe and told him that I had to change the meeting spot because Joe tipped me off. You were not answering your phone. And that dude was full of bullshit, obviously, or he would have been tipped off just like me. Look, take me by the house and let me get the number. I will call him and make sure he still straight."
"Okay, I will take you by the house, but I will be the one to talk to this so-called mystery man. If you are telling the truth, then I will not mention anything to Entebbe."
"Damn, Rain! You are cutting my balls off, man. I am gonna be at the meeting tonight, and I promise I will come through, but don't treat me like a busta. I won't get any respect like that. Then I really will be looking for a new line of work!"
"You better be glad that I like you, man, and have something else to do. I am going to tell you like this, though: don't show up tonight, and you will be wishing that I had taken your ass out the game. You know Entebbe has no patience, right?"
"Yeah. I know," he answers in relief.
"So how much you gonna have tonight?" I ask.
"I will have a knot. Well, minus the twenty-two you just relieved me of," he laughs nervously.
"Add another hundred to that. I gotta go to the store," I tell him as I unlock the doors.
"Huh? Where am I supposed to get an extra hundred from?" he asks incredulously.
"You say you been grinding. Well, grind a little harder, baby, because this is the cost of business. Think you can handle it, or should I just cancel your employment now?" I ask.
"Damn, you sure are cold, Mrs. Wooten. I can handle it. Matter of fact, here, take another half on me and watch me work, sweetness," he responds, full of bravado once more.
"Oh, you got it like that? I will see tonight. Eight o'clock, and don't be late. Hey, Eddie," I call just before he closes the door.
"Yeah?"
"Don't make me look like a freaking fool," I say as I look pointedly at my glove compartment, where all the hood rats know I keep my heat.
"Not even in my dreams," he says as he shuts the door and walks off.
I watch him for a couple of minutes, put the money into the armrest, and wait for a break in traffic, and then complete a quick U-turn. Glancing into the rear-view window, I see him go up to another car and get in. I hope he knows what he is doing. I really hate doing this shit, though, making people afraid of me and shit. I used to be the most fun-loving chick in the world, and now, look at me! Eddie is right, I am one cold bitch. Honestly, I have never hurt anyone intentionally in my life, but I know that is going to end soon. In order to maintain in this game, I know that I am going to have to put up or shut up. I just hope that I can get out of the game without having to go that route. I know what people in the streets think of me — hell, I built my reputation myself, spreading rumors about my ruthlessness, making up stories about fictional people that I made go missing — but that was all to gain the respect that was needed in order to do business with Entebbe.
At the corner of Memorial and MLK Blvd, I take a quick right. I decide to go see my home girl Stormey before heading back to Plant City to see Story. I stop at Brothers Barbecue to get us some grub. They have the best ribs known to man, and their sweet tea! Off the chain! I drove past Lake Ridge Apartments, hung a left on Tenth Street, and headed to Tenth Street Apartments. I looked over at Dakota Projects and could not suppress a smile. They were by far the worst-looking projects in the city, but they were a host of many good times for kids in the city. I got out of the car at Stormey's and walked up to her door.
"You expecting company, or you had a feeling I would stop by?" I laugh as I push my way in, handing her the food. She had opened the door before I could even knock.
"Whatever! I can hear Brandy all the way down the block!" she retorts.
"How you know it was me?" I ask as I sit down on the couch.
"Ain't but one chick in the world would be bumping Brandy that loud and not be crazy!" she giggles.
"What the fuck eva! That's my girl. Her music has gotten me through a lot of hard times," I tell her, trying to get that fool Eddie off of my mind. Stormey is one of the coolest chicks I know. Although by her looks you can't tell that she is mixed, she will let you know with the quickness that she is black. Back in the day, she would have been able to pass. I met her through my cousin, and we hit it off immediately. Now, anytime I know Entebbe ain't sweating my whereabouts, I stop by. Sometimes I wonder if she was a substitute for Story. We get along so good, it's like she is my long-lost twin.
I don't have to watch myself here the way I do everywhere else. At home, I am always listening for a footstep, a mood, a reason to get hit. At Lorraine's, I am always bracing for the next insult. Here, I can sit on the couch with my shoes off and my food in my lap and just breathe. Stormey has never asked me to be prettier, quieter, or more grateful. She just passes me the plate and talks to me like I am a whole person, not somebody's wife or somebody's disappointment. I didn't have a word for that back then. I just knew I kept coming back.
"So, where are you on your way to?" she asks me between bites.
"I just left Lorraine's, and the bitch pissed me off so bad that I forgot to go by Story's before coming back to Lakeland, so I decided to come by here before riding back through."
"Your mama still doesn't beat mine," she says, rolling her eyes.
"Girl, you don't know the half of it," I sigh.
"What she do now?" Stormey inquires, turning serious.
"Same mo, same mo," I answer, looking at the television. She is watching Jerry Springer. I have never told a soul about Entebbe and his abuse. That is, except for Lorraine today. I knew that I could trust Stormey and Story, but I didn't want any sympathy from anyone. I guess that is why I told Lorraine. I knew subconsciously I would not be getting any pity from her. I knew that she would most likely be so drunk, she wouldn't remember half of what I told her anyway.
"So, are you going to the party at Simpson Park?" Stormey asks to change the subject. She was used to me going off into my own little world, and knew that I would not elaborate.
"Child, please! When have you ever known me to go anywhere? Entebbe ain't having that shit," I laugh.
"Ain't this the week he is going to Jamaica?"
"Yeah, but knowing him, he will have one of his bitch-ass spies watching the house, or his ass just told me that to see if I would slip up or something."
"You know?" she agrees. She knows that he is possessive. She doesn't like him, but she takes him in stride.
"I take it you are going?"
"Fo sho!" she grins as she grabs our trash and takes it into the kitchen.
"Let me open some of these windows. Shit, you got on them shades, like the sun is shining full blast in this bitch!" she yells from in the kitchen. I didn't even realize that I still had them on. I don't take them off, though. She goes through the apartment opening windows, and then she goes out and stands on the porch for a minute. When she comes back in, I can tell that something is wrong with her.
"Girl, you act like you done seen your baby daddy out there with another chick or something," I joke. Stormey doesn't have any kids. She comes in, sits, and doesn't say anything for a minute. I just know she is about to mention my bruise or something.
"Rain?"
"Yeah?" I answer while glancing at the television. Two drag queens are fighting on the show while a chick is yelling at a man. I can't hear it since she muted the TV when I walked in.
"Rain, how long have I known you?" Stormey asks.
"Shit, about three years now, close to four, I guess. Why?" I ask her, confused.
"Do you feel like you can trust me?"
"Duh!" I laugh in response while wondering what she could be getting at.
"I was just wondering," she answers as she stood and walked toward her bedroom.
"Come on now. You cannot leave a chick hanging like that!" I yell as I grab the remote and turn up the volume a little.
"Never mind, it ain't that serious," Stormey says as she comes out of the room holding a bottle of liquor.
"If it wasn't that serious, you wouldn't have brought it up. Second, why are you drinking at one o'clock in the afternoon?" I question, looking at the bottle warily. I hate to be around other people drinking. I have had a drink or two a few times, and I still do every now and then, but for someone to be drinking this early in the day spelled trouble for me. Growing up in the house with Lorraine, and having a husband whose abuse was at its worst when he drank, gave me this negative view. I knew it had to be serious, because Stormey had never had alcohol in front of me before.
"What would you say if I told you that I have been keeping a secret from you since we met?"
"I guess I would be like, damn. Maybe I should ask you if you trust me," I state nervously. I can feel my palms getting sweaty. I just know that she is going to tell me that she knows all my secrets or something.
"You know you can trust me, and of course I trust you. I would never do anything to hurt you, and I know that you wouldn't do anything to hurt me. This is all about me and my secrets right now, Rain. You cannot tell me, though, that there isn't anything you haven't told me in the years since we became friends," she rolls her eyes.
"Well, yeah. I think everyone has something that they keep to themselves. Like Mama Johnson says, everyone has their own veil of sin."
"Well, it's been killing me, and I cannot go on being your friend without you knowing this thing about me. It is the largest part of who I am. After I tell you this, if you don't want to be my friend, that is cool," she says as she drinks her liquid courage.
"Give me that bottle. If it's that serious, maybe I need a drink too!" I laugh as I take a drink of the vodka and orange juice. Hmmm, it's not that bad. Like they say, everything in moderation.
"Stormey, there is nothing that you can tell me that will cause me not to be your friend, unless you tell me that you have been sleeping with my husband. I take that back. I don't even like his ass, so that will not make me upset either!" I laugh, taking another sip. I am trying to lighten up the mood a little, but it's not working at all.
"Never that, trust, never that," she murmurs sadly. We sit there in silence for a while. I look at the clock and realize I will not be going to Plant City today. I just know this will be a long conversation, and Entebbe gets home daily about six. I know this is not a convo that should be rushed; I think when I realize that Stormey is crying.
"Girl, just spit it out. What, did you kill someone? Do you have AIDS? A fatal disease that is contagious from me breathing it in? Are you a murderer?" I ask, evoking a smile and light laugh out of her. I watch her build her courage to tell me her secret as she begins to nervously jiggle her leg.
"Spill, damnit! I hate guessing, especially if you won't give me a clue. Look, I promise that I am not going to look at you any different. I promise," I plead.
"Okay. I have not told anyone else this. I mean, I am not ashamed, but I don't broadcast it either. I have my reasons, but I will have to tell you about that at another time. Only a few people know this, and most of them live in Tampa. I spend so much time in Tampa because that is where the love of my life lives," she says.
"What? Is he white?" I smirk.
"Shut the fuck up, Rain!" Stormey laughs hysterically.
"He ugly? Fat? Got two heads? I am so sorry. I just don't see why the secrecy. You like who you like. I mean, if he treats you good and you are happy, then what is the big deal, right? Is he a married man with ten children starving at home because he spends all of his paycheck on you? Is he a murderer?" I question, even more confused.
"He ain't a he. He is a she!" she announces.
"What! My bad," I sputter as I try to stop choking. Of all the things I had prepared myself to hear, this did not even register on the radar screen.
"See! I knew you were gonna trip!" she moans.
"It's not that. I am just surprised. What about all the dudes you are constantly telling me about?" I demand as I try to get my thoughts together. My mind is having trouble comprehending what I just heard. Stormey gay?
"Chicks," she states simply. Damn! My secrets don't carry much weight now.
"So….."
"All chicks, I have only slept with one dude in my life, and that was so long ago, I barely remember it."
"So all the sexcapades you tell me about have all been a lie?" I ask doubtfully. You couldn't make up the stories that she has told me.
"Naw, just in the place of the dudes, picture women," she giggles.
"Are you lying to me?" I ask. I just cannot believe this. Don't get me wrong, I know some gay people, but the stories that she has told me cannot be real.
"Why would I make up something like this?"
"But, how could the stories be true with females?"
"We have ways, trust me!" she is laughing hard now, looking at the confusion on my face.
"But, but…"
"No buts. It's all true. The reason I decided to tell you now is because my baby has been stressing me about our living arrangements, and I'll be damned if I live in Tampa, so she is moving in with me next weekend. I know that you will be all up in here, and I cannot have her figure out that I have not told anyone about her. She is constantly showing me off in Tampa, and if she finds out that no one on my end knows about her, she will flip! Besides, I want to have you as a part of that life as well, and I can't do that if it's a secret."
What stuck with me wasn't just the secret. It was that she trusted me with the biggest part of herself before she knew how I would take it. Entebbe had never trusted me with anything real. Lorraine had never trusted me, period. Stormey sat there shaking and told me anyway, and that made me want to be worthy of it. I wasn't thinking about sex yet. I was thinking: this is the first person who has ever let me see her all the way through, and she didn't flinch.
"Well, like Lorraine always says, ain't no shame in my game!" I say as we both fall out laughing.
"Go ahead."
"Go ahead what?"
"I know you have a million questions that you want to ask me. So, go ahead!"
"Okay. I already know the sex is the bomb. When did you know that you wanted to be with females?"
"Ever since I can remember. I remember my kindergarten teacher looked better to me than she should have," she laughs.
"I'm serious. I have some issues. I need to know these thangs."
"I am being serious. I also remember that I used to love when my babysitter would come over because she would let me lay on her chest. I was about seven years old when I really realized that I was different. I had just seen my cousins naked. My aunt put my cousins Jared, Lucy, and I in the tub. I thought my cousin Jared looked hideous, but I couldn't take my eyes off of Lucy. I just wanted to look at her all the time afterwards. Then I started noticing other girls in my class, and as I grew up, the feelings didn't change, they just got more intense," she explains.
"So, does that mean that you are still a virgin?" I wonder out loud.
"No. Well, I don't really know how to explain it. I mean, I guess I will have to go into more detail at some other time, but I consider myself a virgin with guys. I have a strap, so I have ridden a dick before!" she spits out, laughing at the look on my face.
"What the hell is a strap?" I am so confused. The more she talks, the more confused I am becoming. What does a strap have to do with sex? I mean, Entebbe has a strap, but to my knowledge, a strap is a pistol.
"You are joking, right?" she asks.
"Entebbe has a strap, but I don't think that is sanitary or safe to let someone stick a gun in your stuff."
"A gun? Wha